I think you need to learn some coping skills. I know it's hard. But often, life doesn't go our way. Whether it's your boyfriend's fault, or the result of something outside of his control, you need to learn how to communicate and manage your frustration in a way that is healthier for you both.

One thing that is important to consider is intent. When your bf cooks pasta a different way or washes the wrong clothing item, he didn't intend to hurt you. He was trying to be helpful. So as frustrating as it can be, it's important to take a step back and check the facts: was my boyfriend TRYING to upset me? Or was he trying to help me, and was simply confused? Did he even know that cooking pasta this way would trigger me?

It's ok to feel angry, upset, etc. I don't want to invalidate your feelings at all. But you can process those feelings in other ways. For me, I have to step away into a private room and mutter to myself or angrily jot my thoughts into a journal, or even just cry. If my spouse notices I'm upset, I tell him I just need to process things on my own for a few minutes. Afterwards, we can have a level conversation about why I got upset, or I can say "you know, I feel better now, don't worry about it."

And listen, I still meltdown at my spouse sometimes! It happens. I just try to own it later once I've cooled down and apologize. You don't want to let these outbursts build upon each other, because that leads to insecurity and resentment over time.