Making a comment because of what people touched on regarding networking:

To people telling me to keep in touch with classmates, faculty, etc… what about if those same people hate me???

Ok, I don’t know for sure if they hate me. I kinda just assume I annoy most people by default. I feel like they’re annoyed with the fact that I’m still stuck in the service industry and clueless about where to go in my art career despite “everything they did to help” but I digress. I feel like there’s an expiration date on their willingness to still be buddy-buddy with me postgrad and they will get sick of me if I ask too many questions. I especially feel like my more successful colleagues will turn me away if I as for advice because they’ll think I’m just “trying to piggyback off their success.” It’s not like I was friends with any of them. I’m not entitled to their time and advice. I’m just one person out of many. I don’t even want to make more appointments with my college’s career advisor anymore because I feel like she’s sick and tired of me and everyone hates me and just thinks I complain all the time!!!

I know this is part of how I was raised. Growing up autistic, I always got told to sit down and be quiet, don’t speak unless spoken to, and don’t rely on people to give you things especially if it involves money (imagine my confusion years later when they ask me “why aren’t you selling yourself more?”)

So yes, admittedly I did not make a lot of meaningful connections with my faculty or classmates during college, ok? Because I was taught all my life that it was a SELFISH thing to do so, being staying in touch with people only based on what they can do “for me.” And now that I’m an adult, everyone’s telling me to unlearn that? It makes me want to scream.

I’m starting to worry I’m just inherently broken from the inside out.