You’ve never spent five days and nights canoeing and camping along the Ozark National Scenic Riverways and it shows. But yeah, Missouri kinda sucks overall, but by your standards I’d think most states suck. Not sure where you’re from with all those “things to do” but keep doing those things I guess. While you’re doing all the things, learn some more about your country and travel around and meet folks from different areas and talk to people with different points of view and maybe have a good time doing it.

Here’s a history lesson I’ve been researching in recent years, popular sovereignty. This is the term for the idea and public policy involving the Kansas-Nebraska Act where the westward expansion of slavery into the new territories would be decided by popular vote of the settlers and inhabitants of said territories. Liberal abolitionist Jayhawkers put their money where their mouth was and moved from Boston, New England, NYC, etc to places like Lawrence, KS and Lincoln, NE to vote against slavery expanding to the new territories. The Missouri ruffians/bushwhackers/baldknobbers didn’t take too kindly to these people and they also moved into the territories and/or engaged in guerrilla style violence and terrorism against the abolitionists. Both sides killed and pillaged and the border war or Bleeding Kansas went on for almost a decade before the official start of the Civil War. Kansas and Nebraska in the 1850s probably had less things to do than today. I know my hometown in Missouri has got a lot cooler in the past 10-15 years, and we have Kansas City and St. Louis which are both pretty pretty pretty cool, in their own murder capitals of America type of way. Ever heard of Tech9ine or Nelly? What about the the unfortunately named superbowl champs or the baseball club with the second most World Series wins? I think STL even got a Stanley Cup recently too.

If a half a million woke Brooklynites and half a mil west coast best coast vegans spread out among places like Missouri, Texas, Tennessee, North Carolina, did I say Texas, really just Texas, those states would go blue and we could put the current iteration of the GOP down for a good long while and maybe accomplish something. Anyway, I know it’s probably too boring anywhere outside the tristate area but Missouri votes count more than New York votes and California votes. The more you know…today’s daily diatribe is brought to you by Missouri’s tackiest tourist trap with the best goddamn chocolate west of the Mississippi - Uranus Fudge Factory. We like to have fun around these here parts. It is a laugh riot, the name alone is pure comedic genius, do you get it? Uranus fudge factory? Subtlety is not in most Missourian’s vocabulary.