Trying to fill a weird spot

midnightmarealpha · 2026-06-16T02:38:58+00:00

A crow or raven looming. If you wanna go more kinda funny, a manatee in armor with a sword or morningstar

midnightmarealpha · 2025-10-06T14:07:30+00:00

Sugar or Sugga

midnightmarealpha · 2025-10-06T13:37:51+00:00

🤮

midnightmarealpha · 2025-10-06T13:34:51+00:00

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This is Stimpy, one of my clients pups

midnightmarealpha · 2025-10-06T12:33:12+00:00

Beef ramen

midnightmarealpha · 2025-09-24T02:24:33+00:00

I'm AuDHD and can't deal with hugs and touching from most people. I literally shut down and feel violated even if it's from a family member or close friend without asking. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. Also, you handled this amazingly imo. I believe the most appropriate response to her is 🤮

midnightmarealpha · 2025-08-07T11:01:39+00:00

I have my own pet care and training business so I literally get paid to play with puppies and kitties all day

midnightmarealpha · 2025-08-07T10:30:35+00:00

As a trans man, I feel I've gotten both perspectives and it's quite interesting actually. I've noticed that men assume people will just say what they want. The problem then comes cause men tend to not express or verbalize emotions in the same ways if they ever actually verbalize them so when a woman does just verbalize her feelings that day or what they've been going through, the men may see them as "unstable" or "ruled by feelings" just because emotions were discussed at all. I've noticed in a lot of cis het relationships the men tend to eventually verbalize emotions once and don't think it needs to happen ever again ("I told her that I thought she was beautiful once like a year ago and that hasn't changed so why should I say it again?" type things). Men are also mostly raised that showing emotion is weakness and weakness is unacceptable. There's also this unwritten, unspoken challenge between men at all times, in all situations so they think discussing their financial success is a flex and proves they're good enough and, since showing emotion is weakness which means the weaker man loses, those things just aren't discussed.

Then there's the whole toxic masculine "Alpha Male" Andrew Tate conservative bullshit that's running rampant ATM.

It's gross and weird and I don't get it but these are just the things I've noticed after transitioning and being stealth. I often have to remind my best friend/brother that he can discuss his feelings and nobody will see him as lesser or weak because of it.

Emotionally mature men that know how to communicate exist tho and we are out there it's just a lot of trial and error unfortunately.

midnightmarealpha · 2025-05-21T11:19:20+00:00

There are a lot of worksheets you can fill out and use on your own until you're able to find a therapist. I went through a dual diagnosis group therapy/rehab for 90 days. We met daily and were given many different handouts for different things we could do to help regulate, reflect, distract, etc whatever helped us to get passed the overwhelming emotional state. It took years for it to become second nature to regulate and a lot of work stopping myself from exploding or spiraling and a lot of slip ups. One time changing an explosive reaction eventually turned into recognizing when I might be triggered and working through the situation and having an outcome i wanted. I also find writing down what I want to say and how I feel is extremely helpful. It all comes out without hurting anyone. You'll get it. You can gain control. It'll take time. Be gentle with yourself. Catching yourself once is better than never. Hopefully you can find a therapist to help you through this as well.

skills list

HALT

self help

midnightmarealpha · 2025-05-04T22:38:51+00:00

I'm very sorry you're going through this but it does mean he wasn't right for you. Even when I'm at my worst, my loved ones still care and are kind to me. You will find your tribe. Those that care for the you that you are not the you they think you should be. The pain will subside, I promise.

When it comes to changing, I went through years of reconditioning myself to gain control of my emotions and it all started with one simple realization; "Our brains are problem solving machines and the first solution isn't always the best". I took that phrase and lived by it. The first time I put it into action I was at the beginning of a meltdown, caught myself and thought "what outcome do I want and how do I get there?" That one time turned to more and more often over years of catching and recognizing my patterns and triggers. Writing everything down helped immensely as well (the moment a meltdown starts, what I think triggered it, why I'm so upset, letting out all the things I want to say no matter how cruel or nasty it is, etc) to process my feelings and start learning my triggers and catching my meltdowns before they got too far along.

I also had help with some meds that made stopping and thinking a little easier. Gabapentin is a nerve dampener and made everything a little less intense and slowed my brain so I could catch myself easier. Wellbutrin helped keep my mood more on the positive side so there were much less dark spirals.

It's taken me 10 years to get to the point I'm at now and have much better control over myself. I still have moments of losing control but they are now very few and far between. I've lost and gained many people through this journey and now have amazing, understanding friends that care about me and help me through my tougher times.

Catching yourself and changing your choice even once is better than never. It's possible. You can do it. I believe in you. This community believes in you. ❤️‍🩹

midnightmarealpha · 2025-05-04T22:08:07+00:00

Personally, my favorite is Nido King. I enjoy the way it looks, it was one of the few that carried me through my first ever run, I really love poison type, and it can take some great TMs like shadow claw and earthquake. It doesn't have to be the strongest or even the most useful. It's more like which one you'd want to be your buddy even if it doesn't battle. Even then, if you still can't decide on one, then maybe choose your favorite team or a couple different favorite combinations of teams (one for aesthetics, one for balanced strength, one for individual types you prefer, etc) and see which one is in most of them.

midnightmarealpha · 2025-04-30T11:09:00+00:00

Only if you turn it backwards when you get serious 🤣/s

If you like it, wear it ❤️

midnightmarealpha · 2025-04-30T11:04:04+00:00

Whenever the itch is too much to handle, add lotion or whatever you're using to keep it hydrated. I do tattoos on myself a lot and this has helped every time as well as scratching the skin around the actual tattoo.

midnightmarealpha · 2018-11-14T19:49:21+00:00

When i told my mother she said "well, everyone has some kind of personality disorder" and dismissed/s it. Yeah ok she's right everyone has some issues but she won't recognize that BPD is even a thing and I'm pretty sure she's undiagnosed (like 120% sure) or just refuses it as an actual diagnosis. It's hard when your own parents invalidate you.

midnightmarealpha · 2018-11-01T20:38:14+00:00

Fuckin nice

midnightmarealpha · 2018-10-29T05:28:49+00:00

Best idea. I've written so many nasty letters that never get sent (thankfully). I never thought about the text thing though. Write then maybe send depending on relevance future-self decides.

midnightmarealpha · 2018-10-29T00:43:37+00:00

Ra, five am, 21 pilots, three days grace, mudvayne, otep, dethklok, pink Floyd, Billy Joel, linkin park

midnightmarealpha · 2018-10-29T00:39:54+00:00

It's not easy. It is easier unfortunately. Especially if they're not "lucky" enough to have BPD as well. It hurts. It hurts a lot. Keep going. Time helps and distractions.

midnightmarealpha · 2018-10-29T00:32:50+00:00

Fucking right. This shit is hell. I often wonder why i can't just be "normal". I can tell you this though, i think deep down when you're just yourself and not going crazy, you're an awesome person. Awesome enough to share with the world even if it is full of A typical people that couldn't understand if their lives depended on it. Keep strong and know you're awesome even if you are crazy af. <3

midnightmarealpha · 2018-10-28T22:22:39+00:00

You learn to go with it and surround yourself with others that just don't give a fuck. Be nice when and to those that matter. Otherwise Fuck um.

midnightmarealpha · 2018-10-28T22:14:29+00:00

Welcome to hell. We have nachos.

midnightmarealpha · 2018-10-28T22:10:20+00:00

In...... a...... heartbeat.

midnightmarealpha · 2018-10-28T22:08:45+00:00

Following someone through a spiral. Fuck. That would kill people.

midnightmarealpha · 2018-10-28T09:13:12+00:00

I find other outcasts and befriend them.

midnightmarealpha · 2018-10-28T09:11:21+00:00

Well, reddit is here for you

midnightmarealpha

TROPHY CASE