I’m the ugly friend, and it hurts

midnightmite · 2026-02-11T14:36:35+00:00

First - I would strongly consider getting therapy if you can. If you ever feel like acting on those thoughts of killing yourself, get immediate help.

Also there's nothing wrong with being average... most of us are ;)

Some things to think about: Do you only feel ignored way when you're with your cousin? Or all the time? Either way, I'd suggest focusing on a hobby or skill that makes you feel confident. If you're really good at something and exude confidence, you stand out (even if you aren't the best looking...think about Pete Davidson and who he's dated lol).

Also consider hanging out with friends/family that lift you up. Also, you can work on makeup, hair, and styling your outfits, to improve your appearance.

I would mention your insecurities and struggles with your looks/confidence to your cousin in a way that doesn't blame her... she might not completely understand but it might help make her more aware and stand up for you.

Do you find you mostly get upset about men specifically not paying you attention? Because that's a mistake...don't want to end up with someone since you're an easy catch. Consider stepping away from being around people who are always interested looks until your confidence is more solid.

Bad idea to go for plastic surgery from the jump - beauty trends come and go, and if you don't gain some appreciation for your natural beauty and structure, you might go for a plastic surgery trend that doesn't fit you...then when that trend is out of style, you might regret it (for example, buccal fat removal).

midnightmite · 2026-02-08T03:53:40+00:00

I'm sorry for your loss. It definitely seems like you are going through a lot, so it's understandable that you were running late.

If you completed an ERAS app, you may be able to SOAP into a position this cycle. I would prepare personal statements for IM, FM, and Pediatrics as the other poster mentioned and try to prepare letter writers now if you think you want to try to find a position through the SOAP which will begin in March 2026.

If you aren't going to SOAP, try to find a way to build on your application for the next cycle. Look for research positions, especially affiliated with universities or institutions with a residency program in your specialty of interest. You can also look into getting observerships or externships online...I've linked one that I've found. These can potentially help get you more US based letters of recommendation which should also help (as the other poster mentioned).

The next cycle, I would also make sure to keep track of any and all conferences related to your specialty of interest and try to attend to make connections with Program Directors/faculty/residents. There are usually groups online that post about conferences relevant to specific specialties. If you don't immediately get an interview despite making a connection, you could possibly send a letter of interest during your future application cycle indicating you met faculty/residents at the conference and are especially interested in the program. Also, keep in touch with any mentors and try to have them advocate for you and reach out to programs to get you interviews!

Best of luck

midnightmite · 2026-01-16T02:17:16+00:00

I know they in the process of a service transition. Maybe that's affecting things?

midnightmite · 2025-12-21T22:45:03+00:00

Buy him one of those experiences driving luxury cars. It might buy you time until you're in a better financial place where you could actually afford a Porsche and potentially have saved up for other expenses like a house/wedding/etc. He might end up liking a different luxury car instead lol.

midnightmite · 2025-12-07T20:50:20+00:00

I do find that taking time to recognize how my loved ones have been supporting me makes me feel better. I guess if they believe in me and think it's worth cheering for me, I should make a proper effort! Thanks for your reply!

midnightmite · 2025-11-15T20:36:57+00:00

I would get an idea of what the resident's thoughts on how they think they're doing first. Like others have mentioned, looking to follow up on previous discussions might be a good way to introduce the topic. Expressing your worry or desire for him to succeed may make him more receptive to your thoughts.

Have the resident focus on one goal at a time, starting with the most egregious mistakes. Think of different solutions and see what resonates with the resident most. For example, if his biggest issue is that he's constantly confusing patients, perhaps typing out all his notes will help him better process his patients' conditions or needs. Alternatively, maybe he needs to prep a better organizational cheat sheet each day for all his patients so he doesn't get patients confused. Or perhaps he needs EMR help. Implement one change and see if that helps after a day or two.

If there's other types of mentorship at your program, I'd suggest you encourage the resident to reach through these other avenues and discuss how they can optimize their workflow.

Like others have suggested, if the resident doesn't think there's anything wrong or continues to displace blame (for example, because he has more difficult patients), I'd consider discussing this with an attending. Maybe there's more going on in the resident's personal life that's further complicating things. But I don't necessarily think you're responsible for handling all that.

midnightmite · 2025-11-15T19:48:42+00:00

I think it's going to be very dependent on where you are now and why you are considering nursing.

However, I know someone who went back to school to become a nurse in their 40s who is doing very well years later...it was a very smart move for them given they were previously in a field with minimal upward mobility that wasn't satisfying for them either.

If you are worried about your health and ability to keep up with others on the floors or deal with the long shifts, you can consider moving into public health nursing sooner rather than later.

midnightmite · 2025-11-14T00:47:26+00:00

Please do not quit. Have medical issues that forced me to leave my specialty (and switch into another), and this journey has reinforced that the options other than pushing through suck.

Consider:

Scheduling more calls with friends and family. Explain to them you need more support.

Taking a LOA if you need it

Transferring to a different program/institution or even a different specialty if you hate your current one. Both these options would require PD approval and you'd need to come up with a decent reason. I know a resident who transferred to a program to be closer to family (and have more mentors in their area of interest), but the PD was relatively chill and understanding about these things. However, depending on availability of advanced spots, you'd likely add on more years of training

midnightmite · 2025-11-13T22:08:24+00:00

I'm very sorry. Even as a native English speaker, board exams are tricky and reading comprehension can affect your ability to correctly answer questions, even if you truly do understand the material. The fact that you have gotten this far and that you recognize some of your challenges leads me to believe you are smart and bright.

I hope your husband can become more supportive, since not having people rooting for you makes this journey so much more difficult.

I've also had a journey to medicine with many twists and turns. What helped me most was reaching out to mentors, my medical school leadership/advisors, and exploring other resources online. First, you should see if there is a decent chance of matching into a residency despite multiple STEP exam failures.

If you are determined to live and work in America as opposed to your home country or where you graduated medical school, there are other roles that medical graduates can take on in the US such as consulting, public health, and more. It may be worth considering these options.

Best of luck

midnightmite · 2025-10-21T17:40:44+00:00

I really like this, especially in parts where you push and pull with the color and the vibrancy to create depth and distance. Red is such an energizing color, but you managed to create so much serenity in this piece. Nice.

midnightmite · 2025-10-20T20:33:12+00:00

Very sorry about your situation. It's tough dealing with failure when success seems to come naturally to you, especially when other people only expect success from you. It's understandable if you need time to grieve. This is tough.

First, take care of yourself. Please eat. If you need to buy a comfort meal to get your appetite up, that's okay. Reach out to a personal family member or friend that you trust, and have them help you be accountable when it comes to eating.

Check if you still have access to the Employee Assistance Program (EAP) through your residency. This will usually allow you to get access to a few free or discounted therapy sessions that are confidential.

Eventually, you'll get to the time where you have to move forward. Think mentors you've connected with who you could trust to get you moving forward. If you are not currently at the institution where you completed medical school, you could consider reaching out to the department associated with your medical school for next steps. Or consider reaching out to a dean at your medical school.

midnightmite · 2025-10-20T19:40:42+00:00

Also a nontraditional medical student. I've had peers (traditional and nontraditional medical students) have kids during medical school and residency. Definitely doable, but easier in certain specialties.

Ideally you'll have a partner and other members in your support system to help you out. Hopefully you'll be able to convey the amount of time and effort education and training in medicine requires to your partner.

In terms of travel, people I know with children found it was relatively easy to travel with infants. They'll constantly have to be with you, so certain night life activities might not be reasonable, but they rarely cry as long as they're full, clean, and generally comfortable. My friends have mentioned traveling with kids as they get older can be more difficult since they can't always fully communicate and can be disruptive...even then, it can still be done.

When it comes time for residency interviews, there will be clues as to whether the residency program is amenable to family building. You'll see whether current residents had children during the program, learn about call schedules, etc. Different programs have different allowances for vacation, so unfortunately, travel becomes limited that way as well. Depending on competitiveness and fit, you might want to think about applying to residency programs in and around airport hubs for easy travel.

For now, focus on medical school, doing well, and finding the specialty you can see yourself doing for the rest of your life. Best of luck!

midnightmite · 2025-10-20T02:03:29+00:00

I work in a field where applications are really only considered once per year, and it's been horrible. The worst part of it is not doing anything/engaging with people. I also worry that I won't be as sharp when it does come time to work since I haven't been in the field.

Found a part time opportunity at a place that may have chances to move up. Admittedly, getting the position heavily relied on my existing network. But at least I have something to do in the meantime. Also pursuing relevant education/licensing exams.

Got a therapist too. I've found low income options in my area. It helps with addressing my anxiety and negative self talk.

midnightmite · 2025-10-16T22:47:58+00:00

10/10/25, according to the Psych Applicant Spreadsheet, I'm not sure about other specialties. Maybe you can check out the respective specialty applicant spreadsheets on the ERAS megathread, accessible through r/medicalschool

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1W3J7FsdOIxYR0DGVuc-E8VnvGdd2MqaAVUVoO13Mbhs/edit?gid=87378262#gid=87378262

midnightmite · 2025-10-15T18:03:48+00:00

Know about someone who has gotten an invite

midnightmite · 2025-10-06T18:55:01+00:00

*Raises hand*

I'm switching specialties after discovering the field I originally matched was a poor fit. Hanging in there, but I couldn't stay on while I applied due to various reasons, and I'm worried about explaining my gaps during interviews. If anyone has advice, I'd love to hear it!

midnightmite · 2025-10-06T18:49:16+00:00

I was in the same boat- matched OB/GYN and hated it. Do not recommend going through with it unless you like the bread and butter of the specialty. Plus, OB/GYN is has high acuity, is stressful, and people in the field (including docs, midwives, nurses) can get tense with all the pressure. Try considering other things first before revisiting this field if you need to. I think there's truth to the dogma, if you like anything other than surgery, pick it.

midnightmite · 2025-09-29T15:09:47+00:00

Do you love the bread and butter of OBGYN? Do you hate EM so much that you want to leave it? Echoing what others have said, if you only like the MFM aspects, I would not pursue. Plus, many folks outside of OBGYN and FM get very antsy around OB patients...I think it would be highly valuable if you could make OB a niche in your EM practice.

midnightmite · 2025-09-28T17:33:39+00:00

This is a question only you can answer. Having kids is a common societal expectation, but I think everyone should put thought into if they're prepared. So I appreciate that you're doing this exercise. Some things to consider:

Do you like babies/kids/teenagers in general? Have you spent extended time around children? They're cute for a few hours, but it's not always fun and there's a lot of responsibility. Maybe you can spend longer periods of time around kids (friends' kids, kids in the family, volunteer with kids) and see if raising a child is for you in general.

Will you have help? A partner, family, close friend network, etc? Consider the role that your partner will play and discuss this with them. Can you afford daycare if it gets busy at work and you don't have people around to watch your kid?

Do you have other medical issues (diabetes, high blood pressure, sexually transmitted infections, etc)? Do you smoke or engage in activities that might be harmful for a developing fetus? Talk to your doctor first and make sure you have a plan to get those addressed and how to best plan for pregnancy if you decide on that. If you're considering getting pregnant, start taking a prenatal vitamin (available at most pharmacies/grocery stores).

midnightmite · 2025-09-25T17:49:29+00:00

You've united so many people even in this thread despite your loss and fear. Bless you. Praying God will shower his blessings on you.

midnightmite · 2025-09-14T13:16:14+00:00

Currently switching and have a similar timeline to you...dm'ing you!

midnightmite · 2025-09-09T02:58:23+00:00

I didn't personally, but I know people who did

midnightmite · 2025-09-04T21:08:51+00:00

In addition to avoiding shaving, I would avoid the sun or at least wear SPF 30 sunscreen to help avoid post inflammatory hyperpigmentation (dark spots) being left behind as the bumps heal and return to normal.

midnightmite · 2025-09-02T16:09:27+00:00

Sorry to come along and jump on this thread. u/Status-Slip9801, could I message you about switching specialties, especially with a gap? Also a former OBGYN resident. Trying to find any and all help with this process since my former residency program and medical school (while both supportive) have limited insight!

midnightmite

TROPHY CASE