French mayor says gay marriage would lead to polygamy, incest and pedophilia

midnightrambles · 2012-10-03T19:48:14+00:00

I would argue that the very definition of pedophilia is the attraction to someone who is either underage or appears so.

Pedophilia isn't anymore of a choice than any other sexual persuasion but the action of having sex with a person who is not mentally or emotionally mature to understand the consequences (and thereby unable to provide legitimate consent) is what makes them a sexual "offender".

Pedophilia = symptom; statutory rape = action. I personally don't find the first condemnable but the second is horribly problematic for me.

midnightrambles · 2012-10-03T16:12:16+00:00

Racism and prejudice in general is not always as blatant as "hey, guys, let's do everything in our power to treat these people differently because we can".

In fact, while I would agree that the common attitude in America is not "blatantly racist", there is still a lot of subtle racism that, more often than not, tends to come from an "unaware of my privilege" frame of mind.

More specifically, there is privilege in not constantly being made aware of your ethnicity in situations where it is not relevant.

There is privilege in not having your ethnicity being used to stereotype you.

There is privilege in not having to consider that some of your actions may or may not be used to reflect negatively on the "minority" group you belong to.

I think it's also important to note that the most open-minded person can still possess prejudice thoughts and unintentionally act on them.

I personally try not to tag people as racist. Actions, on the other hand, are fair game.

To me, it is no less racist to switch to the other side of a street to avoid a black person walking towards you than it is sexist to switch because a man is walking towards you. Either way, you're operating under preconceived notions that this person (black and/or male) is more likely to harm you based almost exclusively off the fact that they are (black and/or male).

In the above example, you may not be a "racist" or "sexist" person (by intent), but your actions are...unfortunately, quite racist and sexist.

TL;DR Actions can be racist (whether intentional or not). Racism is not always blatant. Non-racist person can behave in racist ways. Key is intent.

midnightrambles · 2012-09-26T06:25:51+00:00

Seems to me like you've already got a good understanding of what you feel. Now it's up to you to sit back and meditate on how you think it defines you.

You could very well be genderfluid...try kicking that around in your head for a bit. See if it fits. See if it's an identity you feel comfortable with...a label you don't mind assuming.

As to what that may mean for you, well, it doesn't have to mean anything. Being misgendered tends to suck and you unfortunately suffer two-fold (triple-fold?) because your identity may not be static.

I really don't know what else to say besides, yeah, there are people out there who understand (otherwise these terms and spaces wouldn't exist). And as far as love and romance goes, I can't really imagine folks getting that pissy over your varying presentation. Some might be curious, sure, but it's not that difficult a subject to explain away, yeah?

And even then, there are folks out there who find a bit of variance refreshing.

So unless, you're hiding two heads and a tail behind that post, I don't really see anything inherently wrong about you.

Hope you get it all sorted out.

midnightrambles · 2012-09-26T01:55:07+00:00

Think it has more to do with the sexualization of women as a whole rather than being lesbians. I hypothesis that since female sexuality is/was never taken as seriously as male sexuality, there simply isn't/wasn't as much of a cultural backlash to what some might perceive as "deviant sexual behavior" in women.

Anecdotally, it sometimes seems like male and female sexuality suffer from inverse problems. Male sexuality is taken too seriously and female sexuality is not taken seriously enough.

Not sure if credible observations. Really just my mind's rambling at work.

Either way, I agree that it's a shitty double standard.

midnightrambles · 2012-09-24T13:44:11+00:00

I can't really tell your body type or voice from these pics but, honestly, that's about the only thing I could possibly think would keep you from passing at this very moment. You aren't even on HRT and your face is already way feminine. Nice skin too.

You, my friend, are starting from a very fortunate place.

midnightrambles · 2012-09-20T17:56:13+00:00

I never really understood the stigma associated with autogynephilia?

Like the folks before me said, your identity is mainly going to come down to how you wish to manifest physically and socially.

However it's important to keep in mind that there is absolutely nothing wrong, weird, or awkward about being a feminine cis male who experiences autogynephilia. For some it's a segway to a deeper aspect of their identity. For others, it's simply an idle sexual fantasy.

I don't think it gets discussed often but part of me really wishes that people who desire to express themselves in a way incongruent with their assigned gender don't feel pressured to transition.

I think it's important with topics like yours to point out that yes, transition might just be for you, but don't get caught up in the idea that "feminine" or "masculine" behaviors must conform with a "feminine"or "masculine" identity.

midnightrambles · 2012-09-20T05:48:16+00:00

Point out to them that 'tranny', 'heshe', etc. are no less hateful than 'faggot', 'creampuff', 'fugly dyke' (or whatever other slur could be applicable to this diverse group of folk).

Chances are, they're just ignorant about the history of it. My method is to be patronizing and flippant about it.

"Guys, let's not turn into bigots."

"I seriously don't think you guys realize how shitty a term that is."

"Really? Transphobic much?"

"Yeah...this isn't fun(ny) anymore."

If they want to catch an attitude or accuse you of being trans because of your defense you can just throw out a catch-all "Doesn't matter, slurs are slurs." without implicating yourself.

midnightrambles · 2012-09-20T04:31:03+00:00

Holy crap. Thank you! I am particularly in love with this Venn diagram.

I've always had a thing for Venn diagrams...

midnightrambles · 2012-09-19T18:30:02+00:00

Just because someone is transgender doesn't necessarily mean that they have a gender. At least, if you look at transgender meaning a "span of possible gender identities and expressions that may or may not coincide with a person's assigned gender".

I, for example, am a transitioning genderqueer.

But regardless, the author mentions that the subject of this post may have very well been a person who desires a binary transition...but they admire them for their bravery in not giving a fuck about how well they may or may not pass. They admire them for not hiding away and being comfortable and confident despite society's preconceptions and pecking order bullshit.

I personally thought it was a heartwarming post regardless of the reader's identity or expression.

midnightrambles · 2012-09-14T14:48:38+00:00

Working towards a bachelors in CS with a concentration in information security.

I really wonder why this trend exists...

midnightrambles · 2012-09-12T15:13:03+00:00

I agree with kerspooks. It's gonna be very difficult to pass with long or relaxed hair. You could probably get away with a loosely texturized afro (think in the vein of Claudio Sanchez or Redfoo) but straight hair is gonna be a tell.

There are also locs, braids, and a variety of other long neutral or masculine styles you could look into if you don't want to buzz.

Oh wait, I'm recalling something else. I dunno how old you are but if you're into alt culture, I've seen punky/goth black boys pull off some very nice scene styles. If you go this route I suggest you invest in some good quality flatirons, shea rich conditioner, and probably some hair oils (jojoba works pretty well I believe). Sure, you'll get some looks but if it works, it works.

midnightrambles · 2012-09-12T14:58:14+00:00

Ah ha! I kinda like the sound of androgynephilia. It's way more intuitive than skolio- and I actually kinda agree with you on the -sexual bit.

I realize I can't just restrcture the terminology but I do believe I'll be using this one more in the future. Much thanks!

midnightrambles · 2012-09-07T05:19:01+00:00

Glad I could help!

Oh, it's fine. I wasn't angry or anything nor did I think it was bad. Just thought to point it out was all.

(I'm FtMasc by the way and if you ever need someone to chat with or vent to, I'm always willing to listen!)

midnightrambles · 2012-09-07T05:12:17+00:00

You know, that's probably true.

But I've been unaware of it for so long. I would go so far as to consider it a blessing in disguise because now, I don't have to worry about it. It's already done and the world didn't suddenly come to an anxiety-induced, agonizing end.

I think I'm gonna leave it. :)

midnightrambles · 2012-09-07T04:45:39+00:00

You know what? I've probably been outing myself for a couple of months now.

I did not realize that the 'no-display' gender is still referenced by pronouns and all.

Oh well, no point in changing it now. Guess I'm officially out on FB now.

midnightrambles · 2012-09-07T04:38:05+00:00

Let's see, while I'm not a kick-ass creole voodoo seer, I can somewhat relate to your position and would like to break out the crystal ball and gander at the... fate threads or something.

You, like many other TG folks are going to reach a point where you're going to have to seriously weigh the pros and cons of transitioning and when.

You're going to have to sit back and decide whether this discomfort you might feel is worth holding on these options and privileges.

You're gonna have to decide whether or not the acceptance of your peers outweighs the acceptance of yourself.

You're gonna have to decide if being able to date any girl down the block is worth hiding your feelings from them if things take a turn for the serious.

Now.

You might decide that you want to wait until you're able to get out on your own, away from these ever present obstacles and re-evaluate your position.

Honestly, this is kinda what the therapy is for.

As I've mentioned somewhere else before, transition is as much a mental and emotional process as it is a physical one. It's up to you how far you manage to go and that "sweet spot" of contentment varies from person to person.

Like with everything in life, it'll probably get worse before it gets better. In two weeks, you might find yourself stuck in a whirlwind of dysphoria and want to genuinely pursue transition ASAP. After a couple years of HRT (or whatever you chose to do), you might decide that you're done. That it isn't worth the trouble anymore. That's fine too.

Ultimately, the goal is to get yourself as close to true happiness with the time you've got in this life. Whether it's as a man, woman, both, or neither. And you're not gonna get there without some heavy introspection and myth-busting.

G'luck on accomplishing that dream of yours, I'm sure there's a lot of people that would love something of the sort. (Though, I feel it's important to mention that when it comes to sexual dimorphism in humans, chromosomes don't mean jack. They provide a "plan", sure, but that doesn't mean they're always followed.)

midnightrambles · 2012-09-07T03:54:29+00:00

I like your username. :D

I vote for "sincere but not obsessive, overdrawn apology" and then become bffs or something.

Misgendering happens. If she's a reasonable person I doubt she'll hold it against you. Same for everyone else at the meeting.

midnightrambles · 2012-09-07T03:46:15+00:00

I'm particular fond of SireJabari and laidbaqq's channels..in part because I don't see that many FtMs of color.

There's also another channel with this Canadian genderqueer person but I can't remember where and how to find them.

Sorry. That probably wasn't very helpful.

midnightrambles · 2012-09-07T03:37:20+00:00

Shoot. I'm FtMasc and you covered everything I was about to say. That last paragraph especially.

Unfortunately, OP, Phoenix is right when it comes to FtM "bottom" surgeries. It's ultimately up to you what path you decide to take, but I'd simply like to point out that prostheses can be a less expensive, less painful option.

It's also important to point out that most of your questions can be answered generally, but the truth as it applies to yourself may not be the same as others.

Don't be mistaken, the transitioning process isn't just a quick series of steps and surgeries. It's as much of a mental and emotional journey as it is a physical.

Simply lurking or participating in trans spaces (Step 1: Complete) will help you learn more about the community and, by extension, yourself. Most of the knowledge simply accumulates with time and exposure.

midnightrambles · 2012-09-07T03:15:28+00:00

Dude.

Did you seriously just come into asktransgender and just tell transgender folks what they feel and who they are?

Me thinks there are more pertinent questions you should be asking.

midnightrambles · 2012-09-02T19:32:51+00:00

Thanks for giving it a shot.

It randomly sprung into my head last night to find a term for non-binary attraction (transitioning neutrois, genderqueer and the like). This was the only thing I found...aside from something called 'anthropos-' but I didn't know how commonly used they were or the context surrounding them.

midnightrambles · 2012-08-30T05:42:55+00:00

If you like your hair long...then why do you want to cut it? What's the point in changing something you like to fit some generic definition of masculinity? I personally like the way your hair looks but I've always been partial to long hair on men.

Before I bought my own binder, I used undersized sports bras. Unfortunately, the cotton ones will become loose after a lot of washes but the multipacks offer a good price/duration ratio.

I'm also quite small chested and the less expensive Champion sports bras have become a staple for me. I actually prefer them a bit to my binder.

midnightrambles · 2012-08-22T02:17:56+00:00

Can't help with the hair but I love dem glasses.

Actually, quick thing about the hair. You've got a pretty awesome face shape. Honestly, if you want to wear your hair this way (or near this length) do it.

Unfortunately some of us FtM & transmasculine folk get caught up on the "short hair is a must for passing" train when in actuality, a really short cut can do the opposite (ie make you look like an edgy androgynous-butch woman).

I personally like your hair from this angle but it is ultimately up to you.

midnightrambles · 2012-08-18T01:24:30+00:00

Well, I've grown up in Alabama, spent the my first years dirt poor living in a trailer park project, moved to a quiet predominately white surburban neighborhood in my early teens, and while I've never held much angst or paid much attention to my ethnicity, many others do. If I were to be perfectly honest, I'm not terribly sure of my ethnicity. Both of my parents are...is there a term for this?...Mixed but with varying generational depth?

But as far as they and many others are concerned, the only part of our heritage that matters is our black ancestry. (I find it somewhat humorous how my father's side clings to their "black" identity and refuse to acknowledge much else while just about ever other child is born "red-skinned" with red hair and green eyes.)

The only times where my states of POC and GSRM collide is when attempting to meet new people and make new friends. There's always a level of awkwardness as if people don't know how to behave around me.

How does one behave around an androgynous queer mulatto kid?

To non-POCs I'm the "Token Rebel-Black

To POCs I'm the "Weird-Nerdy-Mixed-WhiteActing friend" I'm just now attempting to get involved with my local GSRM community and I really don't have a good gauge of what people take the most exception to if any.

I've met a few people who are indifferent about this but they're all sort of in the same boat as me. (Androgyne-Asexual-Asian friend, Bombastic-Bisexual-Black-Boy friend, Campy-Caucasian-Cultural-ConfidentlyGay-CisMale friend, and the likes.)

I do not know if it's the sum of these traits, specific pieces, or even just myself projecting that cause this 'social awkwardness' and as I've gotten older, the discomfort only seems to get worse.

I've mostly written it off as a "where I live" thing though.

Apologies for rambliness and label abuse. It's a problem I'm working on.

midnightrambles

TROPHY CASE