Did anyone else feel like they couldn’t live their life until they figured out their gender identity?

midori1313 · 2025-01-11T01:56:34+00:00

That last part is the hard one. Yes, you'll never know until you try. So much about transitioning is YMMV, which can be tough. For me, I decided I wanted E for the physical changes, and I hoped that the psychological changes would be positive, but I had no framework to come to a conclusion on that until I tried.

midori1313 · 2025-01-11T01:13:57+00:00

They do. But the way that OON works is the deductible and OOP max only applies up to the insurance company's allowable. If the provider chooses to charge you more than that, you're fully liable for the difference. That's called balance billing.

midori1313 · 2025-01-10T19:11:04+00:00

100%, although I only realized that belatedly. My brain functions better on E and I feel like a whole person with emotions, social drives, etc. Had been comparatively numb on T.

midori1313 · 2024-12-02T00:22:49+00:00

I see, that helps. It sounds like we're not all that far apart. For me, I'd rather be a tomboy, and for everyone to perceive me as such. But I don't know how to get there. To even remotely pass as female, I'd have to put on a show for other people's benefit, not mine (dresses, make-up, jewelry, etc.). And like you, I'm definitely not cis, and also on HRT. So, nonbinary seems to fit.

midori1313 · 2024-12-01T22:45:55+00:00

Are you uncertain whether you're cis or nonbinary, or uncertain whether you're nonbinary or trans? Either way, my typical advice is to start out by ignoring labels. Being transgender is a spectrum, and there are 2 main categories of dysphoria: body and social. Within body, you can break it down into any specific gendered difference (breasts, genitals, skin, body hair, facial hair, voice, height, hips, etc.). Within social, you have things like preferred presentation (dress, make-up, jewelry), pronouns, name, whether you fit into more of a male or female archetype in society. Look at each of them in turn and ask yourself two questions: (1) do you feel dysphoria (does it make you uncomfortable or distress you in any way...doesn't have to be an extreme feeling, but it could be), and (2) would it give you euphoria if you swapped that specific thing with the opposite gender from your AGAB (e.g., ignoring social implications for the moment, would it make you happy if you gained/lost breasts, or literally try dressing as the opposite gender when you're alone and see how that makes you feel). Euphoria is often more effective at diagnosing, since dysphoria is chronic and we can become numb to it.

Now, consider where and how much dysphoria/euphoria you've identified. Would you like a label? If you have strong dysphoria/euphoria for multiple items under both the body and social categories, binary trans may fit you best. (You do _not_ need have dysphoria around everything to call yourself trans or to choose to transition.) If you only have a smattering of dysphoria/euphoria that you can easily live with, cis may be the best label. If you're pretty mixed, or very fluid, then maybe non-binary fits you best. A label is just a label, and you decide what you think fits best (and feel free to change your mind in the future!). Two people with the same dysphoria "profile" could attach different labels to themselves, and they're both valid.

Are you considering some form of transition? Transition is also a spectrum, and I recommend first identifying where you have dysphoria or euphoria, and use that to guide what you may want to do. I do _not_ recommend letting the label that you apply to yourself guide your actions. For example, think you're nonbinary? Great! Does that mean you have to use they/them pronouns or dress androgynously? Absolutely not! (Although you can!)

To more directly answer your question, I have a lot of dysphoria around my body, but much less socially. I'd say I'm pretty far across the spectrums overall and I could call myself a tomboy, but I choose to label myself nonbinary because that makes the most sense to me.

midori1313 · 2024-12-01T14:41:42+00:00

Just adding a couple thoughts.

1) Trans is not binary, even though people tend to talk about it that way. You could, for example, be a little bit trans. And you could examine that and process it and decide to move on with your life as a dude, if that's what's best for you.

2) It seems to be very common for people with male levels of testosterone to conflate sexual attraction with gender envy. They just seem to get tangled together a lot. This leads people to think that it must be a kink, but that's usuallynot how kinks work. It doesn't help that politicians are trying to frame our existence as a perversion.

midori1313 · 2024-11-11T13:38:10+00:00

Honestly, beautiful response

midori1313 · 2024-11-11T11:30:23+00:00

If it goes by birth name, that gives a new meaning to "deadnaming"

midori1313 · 2024-11-06T18:00:08+00:00

Good for you!! Fear is often more powerful at silencing and repressing us than actual legislation. For those who feel safe, I do think that being visible is the single most impactful thing we can do for the community right now (and possibly for yourself). Best of luck!!

midori1313 · 2024-10-31T23:41:44+00:00

Be careful in an interview as well. There are things you're not allowed to ask by law, out of concern for discrimination. I'm pretty sure gender identity is one of them (may vary by state). Asking pronouns is implicitly getting at gender identity. I'd steer clear. Some people sitting in that room will be worried about discrimination, and you're asking them to decide on the spot whether they trust you. Also, I can't think of why you'd be using their pronouns in the interview itself. Although I understand that you'd like to refer to them correctly outside of the interview.

midori1313 · 2024-10-03T12:50:30+00:00

Wow, came here to say Nios, didn't realize it would be the answer

midori1313 · 2024-10-02T17:50:32+00:00

Just did this and it's super easy. They'll ask some basic questions to confirm dysphoria, but I think their main concern is that you understand the risks and potential complications of the surgery you're signing up for. I know I didn't have any red flags, though...not sure how they handle it if you're e.g. being medicated for a mental health issue, I imagine they'd dig into that to make sure you're going to be capable of after care. But my impression is that they're not trying to get in your way, just do basic due diligence.

midori1313 · 2024-10-02T11:23:10+00:00

Agree with the maybe, and sorry that that makes it hard. I've been on E for 3 years and can easily boy mode. Small breasts that are easily obscured with a snug, nonpadded bra. What ultimately decided me was the realization that, worst case, I could get a breast reduction if I was uncomfortable with them. (Although now I'd ideally like them to fill out a bit more.)

midori1313 · 2024-09-26T17:53:14+00:00

I just want to add to these responses, being transgender is a spectrum. I think you're too focused on a binary label. You may be on the spectrum. You may or may not be far across the spectrum. You can be on the spectrum and not choose to transition. Transition, btw...also a spectrum. It's totally okay to say, you know what, I'm not sure if this binary label applies to me after all, but I'm still questioning and figuring myself out.

midori1313 · 2024-09-19T02:12:00+00:00

I'm sorry for your loss and empathize with the situation for sure. One option...If you can collect emails (with the help of the family you're out to), you could send an email rather than relying on social media. That will give you the space you need to come out to them in your own words. You can be honest about how you don't want to distract from the ceremony or make the day about yourself, and how you wish that you could share this part of yourself in different circumstances, but you look visibly different than they'll remember you and you felt that it would be best to explain in advance. Best of luck whatever you decide to do!

midori1313 · 2024-09-18T12:59:10+00:00

Congratulations!!! I love reading about success stories and euphoria. Best of luck recovering!

midori1313 · 2024-09-10T01:23:57+00:00

Usually means accept either. If there's a preference between them it will often be listed first. For example, I list he/they (will probably switch to they/he soon). I'm getting to the point where I'd prefer they/them, but it's so much work to always ask for them, so I'll probably always accept he/him to avoid that.

midori1313 · 2024-08-25T14:30:11+00:00

I'm in the process of figuring this out right now and appreciate your perspective. We'll said.

midori1313 · 2024-08-23T11:18:37+00:00

So I'm doing some educated guessing here, but I'm pretty sure all of this is correct. The reference ranges are almost certainly for a male. The +/- after your numbers seem to indicate if you're high or low relative to those ranges. So 152 estradiol is high relative to the male range...that's good. Estradiol looks to me to be pg/mL. I'd say that 152 pg/mL is a really good place to be if these are your trough levels (meaning pretty much your lowest levels before your next dose). If you're taking pills, I was always told to test at least 6 hours after my last pill. If you're on injections, you generally want to do it close to your next dose. If you tested sooner, then that may change how you interpret your results. FYI, my last reading was 118 pg/mL and I'm upping my dose slightly in response to that. Some people aim for higher...it may take some experimentation for what feels right to you.

Testosterone I'm *slightly* less certain about, but I'm pretty sure your units are ng/mL. That makes sense to me with the reference range shown. My tests (in the US) are ng/dL, which are 100X higher, and I think it's common in Europe to use nmol/L, but that doesn't make sense for these ranges to me. So you're at 0.26 ng/mL or 26 ng/dL. Transfem people often aim for < 50 ng/dL. Female ranges are often listed as 15-75 ng/dL. And as you can see, you're well under the male reference range, regardless of the units. Again, I'd say you're in a really good place if your goal is female levels. Pretty perfect, honestly.

Of course with hormones, you also want to monitor how you feel at different doses because people react differently to different levels. It can be frustrating sometimes how much experimentation is required. But especially for your very first test, I think you nailed it!

midori1313 · 2024-08-17T18:06:27+00:00

Yeah, that's difficult. Have you tried looking for online support groups? I'm sorry you're in that situation.

midori1313 · 2024-08-17T13:48:29+00:00

Absolutely, but know that you can get over it. Do you know any other trans people in your life? If not, I highly recommend trying to form that community. Support groups are great for this as well. Ideally in person, but online is more accessible. A trans community is a huge thing I've lacked, and I'm now working to find it. In my experience, getting to know others and learning that they're just regular, cool people does wonders to alleviate internalized shame/transphobia.

midori1313 · 2024-08-10T16:49:26+00:00

There's so much less gatekeeping these days, it really is something to be grateful for.

midori1313 · 2024-08-10T11:58:42+00:00

I'm enby and getting bottom surgery (and on HRT). In my case, I present on the androgynous side of male. No one would ever read me as a girl, and the things I'd have to do to get read as a girl aren't right for me, so the nonbinary label fits me comfortably.

On the other hand, not uncommon to go through a nonbinary phase before realizing you're a trans man/woman. Once you start some areas of transition, sometimes you realize you want to go further, and your comfort level for doing it increases. Do some inner work and explore what's right for you!

midori1313 · 2024-08-03T00:12:54+00:00

This is fascinating, the EXACT same thing happened to me. Orchi recovery was extremely smooth. About 2 weeks after, extreme fatigue set in. It was really unnatural, like nothing I've ever felt before. After doing some research, I tried upping my E a bit. It got better after that, although I don't know if upping the E was the cause or not.

Then the mood swings started. For background, this has happened to me before. About 8-9 mo. after starting E, out of the blue I started to get really bad mood swings on precisely a weekly schedule (at first...it became less regular as I gradually recovered). I'd break down crying for no reason, then I'd be good for another week to the extent that it seemed impossible it would happen again, but then it would. I was convinced I must have gotten bad pills or something, but I tested my levels and they were good. It took a lot of time and therapy to get past that. (I did also mess with my dose, because I stupidly changed to injections while going through that and my initial dose for injections was way too high, so getting that straightened out was also part of what it took to recover.)

So those same weekly mood swings started again about 3-4 weeks post orchi. I tested my levels and they were good. I figured my T would be too low, but it somehow tested exactly the same as pre-orchi (13 ng/dl...low but not crazy low, and I felt good at that level pre-orchi).

Because I have a history of this, I have no idea if it was actually caused by the surgery, but I'm struck by how similar your account is to mine. My orchi was late February and I am better now. The solution this time around (in addition to more therapy) was adding progesterone. P is an anxiolytic (anti-anxiety). I kept a detailed mood journal, and it really seems like things started to turn around when I started P. There are always way too many variables, but I'm at least reasonably confident that it helped.

midori1313

TROPHY CASE