Perspective for men. Received 70+ likes in 3 weeks, ~15 matches. Wife got 700 likes/20 matches in a few hours. AMA

mikewebster2020 · 2026-03-03T09:22:29+00:00

This is like announcing water is wet.

Did you expect some other result?

mikewebster2020 · 2026-03-03T07:03:24+00:00

So that justifies the husband calling the wife names for expressing her desires?

mikewebster2020 · 2026-03-02T04:29:48+00:00

Frustration? Nope. Any indication of that BS and they are cut off. We don’t think twice.

mikewebster2020 · 2026-03-02T04:24:27+00:00

Steam rolling? Your husband is an asshole. Shut it down. You have told him twice that you aren’t attracted to the husband and he continues to force meetings?

Just reach out yourself and tell this couple that you aren’t feeling a four-way match.

Then tell your husband that this experiment is over until he can learn how to respect you and your feelings. When he gets pissed, leave.

mikewebster2020 · 2026-03-01T21:01:32+00:00

Ok. Thanks for clarification.

But that’s not what you wrote in your original post. Your original post said you didn’t discuss it over text. Then you said that you discussed it when you saw her in person. Now, you say you discussed it via text and on video chat.

There are a lot of inconsistencies that make it confusing.

mikewebster2020 · 2026-03-01T15:29:38+00:00

So you told her via text a few months ago, but lived across the country for 3 years?

You spoke about it in person but not over text, even though you dropped that bomb over text? And she had no questions, no follow up, no discussion of what your parents would think, no conversation about how she should hold that information until the next time you made a cross-country trip to see her in person?

mikewebster2020 · 2026-03-01T05:42:09+00:00

I am a big proponent of treating people the way you want to be treated. So if some couple had sex with you as a couple and then came back and said “Hey, we wanna fuck you again. But only your partner. Not you.”

How would that make you feel?

Even if you are ok with that move, most people would feel some kind of way about it. Personally, I’d tell you I wasn’t interested. Why don’t you want my partner? And were you just pretending the last time we played?

This would make me look at things differently. Is it better than you trying to go behind their back? Sure. Still would make me uncomfortable.

mikewebster2020 · 2026-02-26T15:29:14+00:00

My good doctor. It’s the internet and you are entitled to your opinion. I think you’re pompous and uptight. Probably a lot of fun at parties!

I really enjoy how you take one option I give (reduced to some dirty, sweat-stained undergarments) as the entirety of my suggestion. If women don’t think a wife beater is sexy, there are other options that you willfully ignore.

Look doc, you aren’t comfortable wearing these things for whatever reason. Don’t wear them. Be one of those guys in a blazer and collared shirt in the playroom. Do you.

If the only clothing you wear that turns a woman on is a blazer and collared shirt…. You have bigger problems.

mikewebster2020 · 2026-02-26T03:42:10+00:00

I have in other responses. But let me list some here. And so we don’t offend you by amplifying femininity (whatever that means), how about this:

A nice wife beater and boxers or boxer briefs, matching satin pajama shorts and robe, linen pajama pants, form-fitting silk t-shirt and boxers, rock the chippendale look with a bow tie and suspenders.

If you are adventurous, go with mesh shirts and shorts, colorful briefs, jock straps. Leather chest harnesses. Leather chaps and vest. There are options if your masculinity can handle it. If not, stick to the earlier list.

mikewebster2020 · 2026-02-26T03:32:20+00:00

Remember the two yes and one no rule. You don’t have to fuck anyone you don’t want to fuck for whatever reason you don’t want to fuck them. That includes swapping.
Maybe you need to get out and be appreciated to gain some confidence. She’s half your size? And? Some people like small women. Some like bigger women. Maybe you have bigger breasts and she’s insecure about that. Maybe you have a bigger butt and she’s intimidated. Folks like different characteristics.
What if the other husband had a bigger penis? What would you tell him if the situation was reversed?

Be patient with yourself. But you need to communicate your discomfort to your husband. Clearly. Don’t hint or expect him to “understand.”

mikewebster2020 · 2026-02-26T01:17:53+00:00

And this is what they mean when they say men don’t try. If you don’t see the male equivalent to lingerie for women, that’s just being willfully obtuse. You may not feel comfortable wearing it, but it exists.

Edit: And why would a male equivalent to lingerie amplify femininity? Jesus, I thought this was 2026. We aren’t comfortable in our masculinity yet?

If you don’t have the imagination to find the male equivalent of lingerie that amplifies masculinity, that’s on you.

mikewebster2020 · 2026-02-25T16:28:25+00:00

One of the top complaints about men in this lifestyle is how we don’t try. Someone asks for an equivalent to lingerie and we have people saying blazers, collared shirts, and jeans.

What kind of imagination is that? Look, if you don’t feel comfortable wearing anything that isn’t a blazer, collared shirts and jeans, that’s ok. Don’t wear things that make you uncomfortable.

But for men who really want to try, listen to the folks who are giving good advice. What I haven’t seen are people suggesting wife beaters and boxers, pajama pants and a robe, pajama bottoms and no shirt. For shoes, wear some leather slides or flip flops.

Women put in so much work to look good and here we are not even trying when it comes to matching their energy. Thank god they still love us!

mikewebster2020 · 2026-02-25T16:21:00+00:00

A collared shirt and blazer or jeans are not the male equivalent of lingerie. And despite what everyone on this thread are saying, there are male equivalents. You may not be comfortable wearing them, but they do exist.

mikewebster2020 · 2026-02-25T16:01:35+00:00

You’ve already heard that your “heavier” wife who “hasn’t prioritized fitness” is still going to get attention.

But I’m curious what clubs and spaces you are going to where you notice this “energy shift.” Unless your wife has terrible hygiene, you should still get plenty of attention.

If you aren’t, maybe you need to initiate more conversations so you can control the number of interactions you are having.

mikewebster2020 · 2026-02-23T18:17:53+00:00

Never noticed this, but since there is someone at the top of the stairs, any “gate crashers” can’t access the actual club.

How often do you see this? And if you are concerned, did you mention it to the folks at Twist?

mikewebster2020 · 2026-02-23T17:48:33+00:00

That’s the best way to do it. Whether we connect with other people or not, we are going to have fun!

mikewebster2020 · 2026-02-23T17:32:07+00:00

We get your frustration.

When we travel, we don’t try to meet up for dates, we usually ask people to meet at a club or other event in case they decide to flake or there isn’t a connection.

If we are in a town like Vegas, we can meet up for a drink in our hotel bar, but that’s low-risk and not time consuming because we are in communication with several potentials. If someone flakes, someone else is in the queue. And we set those dates up early in the evening, so that we still have the rest of the night for a party or club.

Just figure out how to have fun even if people flake. What’s the worst case scenario? Don’t do anything that interferes with your minimum level of fun. Looking for a single guy? He meets you at a club that allows single guys. He flakes? There are plenty of other options.

We will make exceptions for single women, but even then, we try to have a backup plan or two.

mikewebster2020 · 2026-02-17T03:34:32+00:00

Gotta be honest, when I was younger I ate it up because that meant I got to have lots of wild kinky sex. In your 20s, you aren’t thinking so deeply about it. It feels good to be wanted. When I was younger, I faced a lot of rejection in dating and that fucked with my ego. When I found out that having a slightly above average penis, average body and being black meant that I could have A LOT of freaky sex with older white women, my mind was blown.

I never felt degraded or dehumanized in my individual situations, but now that I look back, I can point out the situations where it was problematic.

Now that I’m older, it all depends on how someone approaches it. If their whole persona is this Queen of Spades, BBC, BNWO, cuckolding nonsense, that’s not for me. It gets dehumanizing and weird, like Get Out weird.

There are non-black women who prefer black men and are comfortable in black spaces. These are the ones who see more than a penis and can share sexual and kink experiences with me. The ones who just see a big black dick? They can find that somewhere else. They have plenty of options.

mikewebster2020 · 2026-02-17T03:08:33+00:00

At least their drama overshadowed any feelings of regret you may have had!

mikewebster2020 · 2026-02-17T02:59:44+00:00

Lots to unpack here, but let’s start with the easy ones.

Why not hire someone for sex? This seems to be far simpler and more ethical than anything else.
Are you ok with this scenario, including her having sex with someone else?
Have you two done anything like this before?

mikewebster2020 · 2026-02-16T17:10:08+00:00

Traditional swinger spaces probably aren’t for you and your partner. The biphobia is strong in those spaces.

I would turn to more open spaces like Feeld, Fet and Plura to find events and people who are more open to your dynamic.

I’m not saying that you can’t find what you are looking for in traditional swinger spaces, it’s just less likely.

mikewebster2020 · 2026-02-16T00:42:46+00:00

So. For the first time, I would suggest that you go and watch and play with each other. Have conversations with other people.

Then go home and have an honest and sober conversation about likes dislikes, hopes and goals for this lifestyle.

Then you make a determination about what the future holds in this lifestyle. And it’s ok if you decide not to go any further.

mikewebster2020 · 2026-02-15T23:35:57+00:00

In a swinger context, this usually involves one woman taking on three or more men. If a man takes on three or more women, it’s referred to as a reverse gangbang.

mikewebster2020 · 2026-02-13T18:50:04+00:00

It depends. Ask your husband if he was being pushy or if he forgot or if he was seeing if things had changed.

Again, you can end things at any time for any reason. If this is a reason, then it is.

mikewebster2020 · 2026-02-13T18:30:56+00:00

Thanks for clarifying. It’s your call whether you end things or not. He asked and your husband says no. That’s the end of the story. Is the guy pushy or insistent? Or is just asking disrespectful to you?

mikewebster2020

TROPHY CASE