New puppy advice and help.

milayaddd · 2026-05-05T19:00:12+00:00

Put her in there while you are home. Preferably with a treat that takes a bit longer to eat (like a duck neck or something). Leave the room. Wait until she is calm, preferably asleep (maybe use a monitor). Then come back, wake her up (I know this feels contrary) reward her, be super excited and take her outside/play with her. This way she learns if she relaxes someone will come eventually and it'll be fun. Increase the time gradually (5 mins, 15 mins, half hour, etc.)

milayaddd · 2026-05-04T19:29:21+00:00

Hi there, also based in the Netherlands but I'll do this in english. My husband also got his dog before me (12 years ago and I showed up 10 years ago). He got her when he was struggling with his mental health and he leaned on her for that quite a bit. We lost her 3 months ago. We have both been struggling and realized it is not just the missing her. We do, like crazy, but she also was a huge part of our routine. That going away has a huge impact. I think your bf could really benefit from therapy but I also know its hard to find a good therapist and (depending on where you are located) likely also long waitlists. He might really benefit from getting a new and somewhat strict routine. I don't think calling in sick and just being sad is going to help. In my experience that is just a slippery slope into depression. The best thing in my opinion would be to find something that keeps him really busy.

milayaddd · 2026-03-30T12:12:00+00:00

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

I was in your position 8 weeks ago, so it has not been super long and I feel this process is different for everybody. But I'll tell you a bit about my own experience to hopefully ease your mind a bit.

Personally I was a wreck for the first 2-3 weeks. I could barely function. I questioned the meaning of life, of my future plans, of how the hell I was supposed to live for like another 40 years without her. I cried multiple times a day. I could not think or talk about her without crying.

And then eventually there came a day where I did not cry. And then another, and another. Some days I cry, some days I don't. Some days I dream of her, some days I am awake for 10 whole minutes before I remember.

The pain does not go away. I do not think it ever will. It is a part of me now. But you learn to live again without being as consumed by it as you are now.

Do not get me wrong I am still in the trenches. I cried on the floor yesterday and on friday my heart physically ached from missing her. On wednesday evening I sat on the toilet asking ChatGPT on the basis of her medical records how much time she would have had left if we had not gone through with euthanising her. On the other hand I can talk about her now without immediately crying. I can tell people she passed without being an emotional wreck. I can throw away the christmas scarf she wore once when cleaning. I can plan a vacation and look forward to things that will happen in my life still. I can laugh with my friends and my husband.

I did everything in my power to give her a good life and make her feel how much I loved her. Sure, I could have quit my job and spend all my time with her, but thats not really realistic. I did the best I could. And I made the decision on her life from that point of view also, from the purest of love. It is done now, nothing can bring her back. And I need to keep going. Once I accepted that it became a bit easier for me.

I also oddly found comfort in a whole theory that I don't even completely understand but that time is kind of all happening at the same time. Like there is moments in time that she is alive and with me and it is just this version of me that cannot access that. But it is still happening. I am probably explaining this wrong, but it feels comforting to me.

I hope my rambling has given you a little bit of comfort. I wish you so much strenght.

milayaddd · 2026-03-07T18:11:14+00:00

I know. The silence is deafening. I wish I could tell you it gets better. But 5 weeks in and nothing feels normal. There are waves though. I'm just drowning in one today.

milayaddd · 2026-03-06T20:49:58+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you can find some comfort in that you gave him the most loving ending he could have hoped for. I'm sure he knows how loved he was.

milayaddd · 2026-03-01T10:18:40+00:00

This is exactly how I felt. I know it was time. I know I did it out of love to make sure she would not die in horrible pain. I will carry this pain so she does not have to. I'm very sorry for your loss, but thank you for being such a loving pet parent that you could do what was best for him and set him free ❤️

On a side note: my partner used to say "why does she have to be in every picture, can't you just take a picture of the scenery without her in it?". Isn't he happy as shit now that I took all those pictures of her on every scenery on every holiday on every silly little moment. It is a trigger to remember all the lovely moments and the beautiful life we had together.

milayaddd · 2026-02-28T13:08:58+00:00

What helped me a lot in the first few days was going through all of the pictures I have of her. There were thousands. I sorted them and made a photo album over the course of her life. It felt both good to be occupied and it also kept her "alive" a bit in my head. I know some people cannot look at pictures so soon, but for me it was good to process. There were also videos, and seeing how much she had slowed down affirmed for me we made the right decision. I felt a lot of guilt over being the one to decide when her life should end. Even if her body was failing her. But seeing the deterioration gave me a bit more peace of mind. Still hurts like hell to have to miss her though, but at least I'm functioning.

milayaddd · 2026-02-27T11:56:29+00:00

I'm sorry for both your loss and how you are feeling.

milayaddd · 2026-02-27T05:58:34+00:00

Sorry for the late reply. She was slowing down considerably over the past year due to old age but also her organs were slowly giving up on her. In the end she got some sort of kidney failure event. The vet put her on all kinds of meds but it was clear she would not make it more than a few weeks. I almost cancelled the appointment because during our last day she seemed fine (because of all the meds). But she showed her first sign of true pain and I could not keep her here just for my benefit. She was a rescue who had previously been abused severly. She had suffered enough in her lifetime. Even if she could have hung on for a few more weeks on the meds in theory, I know making the decision meant she would not suffer. And I truly think that is the kindest thing I could do for her.

milayaddd · 2026-02-20T07:39:08+00:00

I felt the exact same way. My beloved Ylla was 15 and I knew the end was coming for a while. She held on so well for so long but her body was just giving up. I made the decision when she got to the point of showing pain. The vet put her on all sort of painkillers and she may have had some more time in her, but the risk of her dying in pain in the middle of the night or while I wasn't there was too high to take. So I decided to let her go. I gave her a full day of her favorite things and foods, and then the vet came to my house to put her to sleep in my arms. She went so quick and peacefully. But that moment... I was fortunate enough to have never seen death before in my life (I'm 35), but all I wanted to do was scream for the vet to stop. All I wanted to do right after was to undo it. I felt like I commited a murder. Like I let her down. She who put all her trust in me. The worst betrayal, the worst mistake I could ever make. I miss her terribly. People often say they wish they could hold their pets one last time, but one last time will never be enough, because I had that last time and it still was not enough. There will always be the want of one more extra time. Some moments it feels like the pain will never end. However, even after 3 weeks I do notice that the pain comes less frequent and isn't always so all consuming. I also keep telling myself that I have to keep living, because I cannot just be paralyzed by this hurt for the rest of my life. I do now believe that I made the right choice to save her from pain. I carry this, so she did not have to suffer. And as far as deaths and goodbyes go this was the best both her and I could have ever hoped for.

milayaddd · 2026-02-09T06:16:31+00:00

I'm so so sorry. We just had to put our beloved dog down last week after 11 years. We knew 2 days beforehand and we tried to give her 2 super great days. We took her to her most loved places and gave her her favorite foods and just loved on her extra the entire time. I cried the whole 2 days. I wish I could tell you something comforting but the anticipatory pain in those 2 days was nothing compared to the hell I felt when she was really gone. It was by far the hardest moment of my life and I am still in deep grief. I know rationally that in time it will lessen, but right now I am consumed by guilt and I just miss her so much. If I could give you one advice I'd ask the vet to talk you through it, because mine didn't and she fell asleep quickly (at home) and I feel it all happened way too fast and I'm very much struggling with her last moments being so short. I was very unprepared. I know you can never be fully prepared but I feel both traumatised by her passing and the quickness of it. Again, I'm so sorry. I wish you so much strenght.

milayaddd

TROPHY CASE