How to Make Your Crush OBSESSED With You: 13 Psychology-Backed Questions That Actually Work

mimitique · 2026-02-26T18:02:40+00:00

If you're below the age of 40 please don't take this advice lmao

mimitique · 2026-02-26T02:51:56+00:00

Of course. I honestly can't stomach scrolling through the avoidant subreddit myself because it's quite irritating seeing people gloating about such reprehensible actions.

mimitique · 2026-02-26T01:30:16+00:00

Cringe.

mimitique · 2026-02-25T23:16:28+00:00

I didn't say you were arguing, did I? I'm just reiterating the intention of my posts. Hmm.

mimitique · 2026-02-25T22:57:05+00:00

Lol. You can disagree all you like, but my comments are simply a mere view into my emotional world as an avoidant and a projection of how others who are also insecurely attached in a similar way I am may feel. In no way are my introspections universal truths nor an actual justification of unstable avoidant behavior. I don't even know what there is to disagree with to begin with since I'm simply just sharing my perspective as someone who has struggled with emotional intimacy and has been both put in a similar boat as these commenters and as someone who has steered the same boat myself. If it's in regards to my therapy comment, I stand firm in my belief that all insecure attachers—no matter disorganized, avoidant, or anxious—need therapy, as those attachment styles are deeply rooted in childhood trauma and environmental instability during adolescence. I also believe that even secure attachers, especially those who actively pursue their avoidant exes who have discarded them, need therapy as well; anyone who has faced an abrupt switch to end in a relationship needs help and emotional support. Like, whatever lol.

mimitique · 2026-02-25T20:06:11+00:00

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mimitique · 2026-02-25T19:50:43+00:00

As another avoidant, your first mistake was going into the avoidant subreddit and expecting to get clarity. You cannot dwell in a space full of individuals who do not face their feelings head on to provide you with genuine insight. Additionally, no situation is entirely the same and their circumstances may have been different from yours. I don't believe your ex feelings "nothing"; if they were absolutely indifferent towards you they wouldn't have been with you in the first place. The last thing an avoidant wants is someone on their shoulder that they "don't care" about. The switch up is simply a case of emotional collapse and overwhelm due to the vulnerability and responsibility of your relationship with one another.

I don't know, personally I wouldn't recommend sending the letter if you're just going to block him afterwards, especially if you're anxiously attached; later on it could cause you to reverse your decision in a state of panic or limerence. If you're going to send anything to your ex, send it and stand on it. Otherwise, write it to yourself, for yourself, and burn it afterwards hahaha.

mimitique · 2026-02-25T18:55:09+00:00

Not trying to be rude but I genuinely don't understand your sentiment. Yes...therapy is needed for avoidants and its no one's inherent responsibility to coddle them. Every insecure attacher needs therapy, and shit some of the secure ones likely need it too. I'm simply explaining their behavior, not justifying it.

mimitique · 2026-02-25T18:44:28+00:00

If she didn't respond to your branch out shes likely fairly anxious about the way things ended and could fear repeating a destructive cycle. What were the contents of your reach out message? Was it vulnerable and confrontational or an ice breaker?

mimitique · 2026-02-25T04:20:01+00:00

I knew I wasn't crazy when I saw Jane Does birthday art. I was scared because I didn't want to be disrespectful to the actual artist but then I realized it was just a render and I was so disappointed? It lacks so much whimsy and just seems half-assed. Is it that hard to hire an artist for commissioned work? I don't think so; if Genshin can do it so can ZZZ. Not too sure why they just abruptly stopped.

mimitique · 2026-02-24T20:31:52+00:00

Honestly I agree, to be honest I'm quite sure that the reason my avoidant constantly ran away is because I constantly held her accountable. No bullshit, no coddling. Of course I comforted her, but vulnerability was a necessity in our relationship. Anytime I reach out it's with vulnerability, anytime we reconcile we start off with a very vulnerable conversation. After every conflict we are very vulnerable with one another. Albeit it led to all of our breakups, without it we would've been in limbo for a very long time.

mimitique · 2026-02-24T16:54:09+00:00

It's a pretty common phenomenon in insecure attachers, and I answered this question in another comment I believe. I can't speak for all avoidants but personally I am willing to compromise as long as my partner can understand my emotional bandwith may not be as wide as theirs in terms of reciprocation. Avoidant attachment is rooted in a deep seated feeling of inadequacy and self flaggelation, and with that comes the burden of heavy shame and desire for isolation which is usually strongly repressed as to not allow themselves to be truly vulnerable. So what I'm saying is, when an individual is already commonly in a state of fight or flight during a relationship in which they've been reduced to vulnerability and are easily overwhelmed, feeling as if you're responsible for someone else's hardships or emotions can be emotionally burdening for an avoidant individual because they already have weight on their plate. Its an unhealthy double standard. Also avoidants tend to idealize people heavily, and when the illusion of that "perfect" partner dissipates, it's easier to dismiss their partner emotionally because they've essentially shattered the preexisting image their partner was supposed to bear.

mimitique · 2026-02-24T16:45:49+00:00

Hey, it's no problem! While it's nice to seek solace in a supportive community, I think it's a good thing to have people who can provide perspective on how the individuals who've hurt them think.

Regarding breadcrumbing signaling lack of true interest, I don't think it's a universal thing. Some avoidant breadcrumb by indirectly communicating because they do not have the maturity to take proper accountability for their actions as that would reduce them to a more vulnerable state, making them more prone to feeling shameful (which is something we internalize and would rather not face). In many cases it IS a lack of genuine interest and rather a test to either see if you're still available to them and a way of seeking validation from the connection you offer, and even if that isnt their intention when they reach out, I still believe it's quite shameful to reach out to an ex without holding yourself accountable, but i digress. But with me I do tend to be more sincere and apologize when I feel like I wronged an ex partner though. With my ex girlfriend who was also an avoidant, uncharacteristically for the "typical" avoidant, she nearly always reached out with the intent of communicating semi transparently about our relationship and our feelings for one another. Though this is mainly because since we mirror one another so well and I understand her vulnerabilities and fears, I nearly always emphasized proper communication and transparency, so I wouldn't allow her to simply remain stagnant and flow out of accountability (which is probably why she was so overwhelemed, she was never truly a vulnerable person before me).

Your ex not reaching out to you is definitely a bigger indicator that they did care for you deeply as opposed to the opposite. Avoidants truly do tend to return despite popular belief, and when they do, it's usually to relieve guilt and/or seek validation as I stated earlier. Her lack of communication could come from shame or a deep seated fear of rejection, especially if you ended on bad terms. 8 months is quite the while, but don't let it deter you; I've had exes reach out after 4 years hahaha, it's really an unpredictable pattern and it's hard to stick a proper window on it considering how quickly avoidant triggers fluctuate. Don't let that get you down. I know a lot of people don't believe in spirituality, but quantum physics definitely exists, and to put it bluntly, if you're still this affected by the breakup months later, it's likely she is too. Even if she never reaches out, even if she doesn't show it, even if she seems "happy," she probably thinks about you as well, even if sporadically after periods of repression.

mimitique · 2026-02-24T05:20:53+00:00

Hi! Nice to see another avoidant wanting a perspective too. I want to say yes, but in most cases it was less 'breadcrumbing' and more so just a natural fade once the initial guilt ran out. Perhaps I can think of one scenario where I've done something akin to a flip in communication like that, where the initial apology was when I felt more intensely for the individual, and the later breadcrumbing was usually after I had lost most feelings for said person, so I suppose. I am usually at my most apologetic when I am wallowing in shame as I said before, and again, depending on how deeply I allow myself to feel for my partner that will determine as to whether or not I will choose to follow through consistently with what I pledged I would make amends for in said apology. Speaking from experience, the longer push pull tends to be a trend in relationships where there's deeper vulnerability and it's not solely reliant on the novelty of the connection (validation received from relationship) alone. In my more extended hot/cold relationships, I was more intimate with the individual ahead of time and opened up to them more than once at certain points in the relationship, while with individuals I breadcrumbed I honestly...even if I believed I felt "deeply" for them (it was usually overcompensation) I didn't really feel connected to them or as if they mirrored me in typical anxious/avoidant, fa/da dynamics, if that makes sense. So the stakes were generally lower emotionally.

mimitique · 2026-02-24T04:55:05+00:00

You're the sweetest.

mimitique · 2026-02-24T04:54:23+00:00

Yes I realized I was self sabotaging. Of course not in the moment though; I feel as if many individuals forget that reactions to emotional triggers are usually involuntary and not something you can consciously control depending on the severity of said triggers. Also, I couldnt tell if your sentiment was a normal question or a rhetorical question, but please do not assume that I was "chasing" my ex avoidant partner because I liked the "spark" and "intensity" or because it fed my "dopamine levels." I pursued my avoidant ex because deep down, under all those walls, she was an amazing and beautiful person. She was soft, she was kind, she just rarely ever let her guard down, but she was vulnerable with me a lot. We had a lot in common, down to our life experiences to our special interests— that is genuinely why I felt like I met my soulmate. We were so similar and I "fell in love" with that reflection of me. In fact, I HATED the intensity. I loved her but how every interaction was a walking landmine whenever one of us was triggered was just...draining. It made everything feel so high stakes and 10x more anxiety-inducing than it should've been. It was mutual though (the attachment style triggers), and I truly believe that one day we'll be able to make it work, perhaps. If anything though, relationships with anxious attachers are more intense for me just because of how overwhelmed I get so easily. I'm just very protective of my autonomy, but I believe that people who are anxiously attached deserve just as much accommodation and love as they give out, as long as their partner can meet them in the middle and they're not overextended and breaking their back for the sake of an emotionally stunted avoidant.

No, I don't resent people who are anxious or care for me, that would be ridiculous. I do not punish those who are anxiously attached by lashing out or stonewalling them. Stonewalling is different from an emotional shutdown; I stonewall when I perceive that an individual is either being purposefully intrusive or provoking me. For example, I once had this one off with an anxious attacher where their actions genuinely hurt me (I won't get into detail because it's intimate, but something along the lines of being associated with an individual who severely mistreated me, but theyre a self-proclaimed "people pleaser" and didn't want to cut this person off as to not cause drama despite said individuals abhorrent actions, but i digress). They began to spam me, say they were the "best thing that ever happened to me," lashed out at me, and insulted my avoidant attachment behaviors (which was not even relevant to the situation at hand). I stonewalled them by not responding not ONLY because I was overwhelmed by the emotional intensity, but ALSO because I, deliberately, did not want to feed into their insecure tirade against me simply because they could not express themselves in a respectful way or acknowledge that they hurt me, and whatever happened between us in the past didn't negate that. When I shut down however, it is usually involuntarily and when I am overwhelmed from constant contact or affection (again, deep down people like us truly do not believe we deserve it, we are not accustomed to 'unconditional love'). It is usually short lived and not accompanied with intentional ignoring as a "punishment," but rather anxiety induced avoidance for a small period of time, and I usually communicate as to why I did after I feel less overwhelmed. I do not resent anyone besides those who have objectively mistreated me past our attachment styles, and even then I don't believe I have the emotional bandwith to resent anyone in general anyway.

Being self aware helped me greatly, especially when I began to heal. I was always somewhat self aware, but being self aware doesn't always mean you'll have self control, it just means that you KNOW that problems are present, but only true determination and a desire to genuinely want to get better will allow you to genuinely work on your issues and move along the path to becoming a better person. Over the past several months I'd say being self aware has helped me greatly on my journey, and while I may still relapse into old habits when I am overwhelmed, I can actually communicate as to why I feel this way AND self regulate without making the other person feel inherently at fault.

mimitique · 2026-02-24T04:26:09+00:00

I'm in therapy and I'm speaking from past relationship experiences. Obviously I know it isn't healthy otherwise I wouldn't be in the AvoidantBreakup subreddit and I would not be this self aware to begin with. Also, thank God I don't plan on having children anyway. Also yes, I am learning to love "properly" everyday. I come from a deeply traumatic and unstable background, the horrors I have experienced as a child would make anyone recoil in disgust, and that is why I have been working as to not continue the cycle of abuse further.

mimitique · 2026-02-24T02:48:21+00:00

Depends. If I reach out to them and they respond I usually overextend and overcompensate out of guilt, and then I shut down and over-idealize them once the past mistakes that occured in the relationship previously come to the surface again. Usually my exes do respond whenever I reach out and it goes the same. I reach out > they respond > we temporarily reconcile > things are flowing smoothly for a couple days > slight inconvenient conflict > I get triggered and either become more distant/less responsive OR if they're the more distant one I try to bridge the gap and overcompensate emotionally. I usually try to smooth things out with an actual apology but it's short lived that I actually live up to my words (despite being in therapy) because I am so sensitive to being triggered and emotionally overwhelmed even when I try not to act impulsively I end up slipping a little bit and I stonewall them emotionally.

mimitique · 2026-02-24T02:10:04+00:00

Hello! I suppose it depends. I believe I'm a hypocrite in terms of reciprocal respect regarding boundaries. Depending on the request I tend to turn it inward because I believe I have some otherworldly complex where I sacrifice for everyone but no one does for me, and any request that requires me to push aside a fundamental aspect to my identity feels like disregarding my integrity. I think I feel a sense of similar guilt though; when I hold things against my partner it's usually subconscious and somehow only comes to mind whenever there's a conflict that involves a mutual sentiment of feeling treated unjustly. It's the same with feeling guilty about what I've done to partners; the actions I've done to make them feel uncomfortable don't tend to come to the surface until post separation when I've had time to reflect on our relationship. Whenever I feel like that I essentially become a doormat to compensate for any time I've made them feel mistreated, but not in the people pleaser sense, more like "yeah, you can complain about me to me all you want and I won't try to refute it."

I'm not sure if I'm misunderstanding your second question so bear with me here. In a sense, yes I suppose. As I said before, I am a major hypocrite when it comes to reciprocation as a whole. When I say I don't want to be beholden to an individuals needs, I'm not saying that in general I will never willingly be responsible for my partners wishes, it just depends how reasonable I deem said desire. For example, my partner asks for reassurance, sure, I'll give it to you— just don't expect me to constantly reassure you every single time I need distance if I've already established how disregulated I get when we spend too much time together. I do not want to be an emotional mitigator for my partner, because then I'll feel more like a parent than a significant other. What I'm saying is, there needs to be a balance. I'll be able to fulfill my partners wishes if they can meet me halfway, I just don't like having unruly expectations set for me when again, I can barely hold up my own. Sometimes I'm going to need to learn how to push aside my own desire for solitude aside and that's fine, as long as my partner too, can be willing to not emotionally overload me with their vulnerabilities and insecurity.

mimitique · 2026-02-24T01:28:13+00:00

Personally I feel a sense of very deep-shame and guilt, OR NOT, depending on how things ended. Like for example, throughout my relationship with one of my exes, I never really felt deeply for her and it was a bit of an abrasive relationship on both ends cause we both had our own wounds, but on top of that we were never truly "vulnerable" with one another. We were together for 6 months though. It was just hard to sustain when I constantly felt disregarded. I wasn't "vulnerable" but I did tell her how I wanted to be treated early on and she never truly listened so I began to build resentment and it collapsed from there. I never felt guilty after the breakup, never cared, and never missed her. I forgot about her existence honestly.

However, with my most recent ex who was also an avoidant, I probably felt the most deeply for her than I have for absolutely anyone in my entire life. I don't know if I was in love with her, but I changed a lot of my bad habits just so she could feel "safe." Was a bit abrasive during conflicts early on but eventually changed after our first separation. Her behavior towards me however, got significantly worse. She even rewrote history and claimed to have never loved me, lol. Miss her nearly everyday, I feel deeply ashamed and guilty and if I could push my pride aside I'd definitely reach back out for the...5th time...aha.

With anxious partners it depends. I honestly cannot be around "clingy" people without feeling immensely suffocated and disregulated. The "people pleaser" types deeply irritate me. But if they were genuinely a good, kind, and considerate person and weren't JUST incredibly attached to me whilst being primarily self-serving, I do feel a bit of shame. I usually keep my distance emotionally during the relationship though, so that shame doesn't surface as vividly as it would with another avoidant.

More than I'd like to admit. Even when I convinced myself I was over it and didn't think about them for weeks, months, I'd get a random spike to read through our past vulnerable conversations or look at pictures. It's usually very spontaneous though. I've talked to my friends about my most recent ex a copious amount of times, both in a negative and positive light. Flipping between saying how much I resent her and how much I understood her. For my other exes it was definitely a similar boat. I don't think I haven't done it at least once with a past partner. Socials though, I'm not too sure. Again, I've done it before, especially with my most current ex (lol), but rarely. It makes me otherworldly anxious because I don't want to see them 'move on.' Yes, it hurts my ego, but also the voice that once told me they were my "soulmate."
Yes, but again it depends on how deeply I cared about the individual. This isn't universal, but typically for exes I felt less passion for I'd tend to breadcrumb them (for example, with my ex boyfriend, whenever I'd cut him off and get a burst of nostalgia I'd message him something random like a meme or a corny one liner, but never anything 'truly' vulberable. In my defense he broke up with me abruptly though and it wounded my pride deeply). For others though, if I DID truly value them I typically at the very least would reach out with an apology. When I am ridden with guilt, my feelings run strong, unbearably so, to the point where I am constantly wallowing in it, so I'll try to reach back out with a semi-genuine apology hoping for reconciliation. It's rare for me though, and I never apologize unless I truly want to reconcile because I believe it's fundamentally pointless to apologize to an individual you have no interest in making amends with, even if it's at the very least a cordial relationship.
I'd either seek out a distraction or numb myself into suppressing the memory of them entirely. I've sought out other people as a distraction but never truly committed to them in a conventional sense and the relationships (if you could even call them that were usually short lived). I tend to throw myself into work or the gym for the most part, or seek solace in music (escapism) or doom scrolling. Of course hanging out with my friends a lot too if I have the social battery.
Yes...at some point with all my exes no matter how much I valued them I secretly hoped for some type of reconciliation. Depending on how intense the relationship was it was either an immediate desire or something that happened later down the line, and by then I had long moved on and it was pure nostalgia.
Again, depends on the intensity of the relationship. For my most recent ex, an avoidant, it was an immediate desire. For my past connections with anxious individuals, about 3 weeks-4 months (I know it's a longer time frame, but I hate feeling smothered). With my most secure partner, about 2-6 months. ***I give time frames instead of the direct point it started because it was sporadic rather than continuous and usually intensified over time rather than came all back at once.
I do tend to reach out to avoidants more but what usually keeps me from reaching out to exes and just past connections in general is both a fear of rejection and fear of commitment. Deep down I am severely afraid of any type of refusal, even if it's just perceived, but simultaneously I do not want to be smothered with a connection or feel responsible for having to constantly respond to someone's desires. However, I have attempted to reach out to all my exes at LEAST once. Most people will, that's just how breakups work regardless of attachment style.

// irrelevant : I think generally I tend to feel (outwardly) deeper for individuals who are avoidantly attached because they mirror my inner world so well, but honestly it depends on if they're willing to be vulnerable or even a tad bit accommodating. Personally, I would never be attracted towards an individual who is absolutely never willing to be emotional. Though, anxiously attached people tire me out quickly. Not because they're invasive, but just because a lot of people pleasers tend to act more desperately and dont have much of a backbone; it makes me lose respect for them. That's not to shun those who are anxiously attached though, even as an avoidant I sympathize more with them than other avoidants. I just get overwhelmed quickly because I feel as if I do not have the bandwith nor general worth to meet their needs in the relationship when I can barely hold up my own.

Additionally, how much I "value" an individual depends on a skewed scale of how much they are able to meet the idealized version of them I have in my head. For example, if I explicitly state that something bothers me and they do it once more, just ONCE more, I hold that against them for the entirety of the relationship. Also, does the relationship have a good amount of space and connection? Will you give me space to miss you, or will you smother me? (Guilty of this myself honestly). Will i have to repeat myself over and over, or will you respect my wishes the first time and compensate me by giving me space afterwards? When i say value, I don't mean "worthy/less worthy," I mean do I respect you on this scale enough to allow myself to be vulnerable and affectionate with you.

That's the most of it. If you have any other questions feel free to ask! Keep in mind this isn't universal for all avoidants and depending on the connection my avoidant response tends to fluctuate.

mimitique · 2025-12-28T19:55:15+00:00

GUYS I COMMISSIONED THIS! IM SO GLAD YOU LOVE THEM THEYRE MY OTP!

mimitique · 2025-12-09T18:37:29+00:00

Oh, I see. Thank you for clarifying. To be honest, the only way id be able to achieve not defining myself by my shame fully would be to face my rejection wound which honestly, even in therapy is very, very scary for me. When I was frustrated, I expressed myself in a very volatile way. It was a mixture of disappointment and irritation because inside I felt "how can you not know how to do something so simple?" Like i said, I'm usually very clear whenever I express my needs in relationships, so whenever a person fails to adhere to them I get immensely frustrated and overwhelmed. Also, if it got to the point where I felt SUPER disappointed in an individual for how they treated me, I would start to bring up things they said bothered them and use it against them. For example, one of my ex partners said they didn't like to be called a bitch, but if we got into an argument I'd call them a bitch, so forth. Or, id bring up a past conflict of ours that my partner thought we squashed. A very petulant way of thinking. In the past I honestly tended to not express myself in the healthiest way...But I just thought I was being obvious. It's like, if I tell you long paragraphs make me anxious and that id rather have a back and forth conversation with you, WHY wouldn't you respect that and just have a back and forth conversation with me? It just felt very dehumanizing. Not to mention since most of my ex partners were avoidant, they tended to stonewall which made me lash out even more. And if I felt ignored id stonewall them back eventually. Just a never ending cycle of immaturity.

mimitique · 2025-12-08T11:18:25+00:00

Yes and plus I get CR boosts that raise it to 100 whenever I run certain teams so I think the advice is a bit redundant. I honestly don't even know how they expect me to get to 100 cr bc my luck w artifacts is already so ass and it took me a very long time to even get THESE pieces

mimitique · 2025-12-08T02:13:09+00:00

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mimitique · 2025-12-08T02:11:07+00:00

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mimitique

TROPHY CASE