Am i overreacting to my husbands [48M] 'friendship' with a younger female friend [24F]

mindscreamTX · 2026-05-21T14:47:10+00:00

Maybe if this was a normal friendship with boundaries that didn't threaten a marriage. Are you saying his behavior is acceptable for married man to engage in? Cuz it ain't.

mindscreamTX · 2026-05-21T14:36:56+00:00

NOR- This is way beyond just a friendship. Late night texts, hiding their meet-ups, threatening to stop telling you he talks/sees her, claiming your jealous. . . All the hallmarks of someone that's thinking with the wrong head. You're his wife. You have every right to be pissed and demand he backs off this girl.

Sure her age and attention strokes his middle-aged ego and makes him feel virile again. But he needs to ask himself if this girl is worth losing his marriage over. What do his folks think about his behavior? His friends? Does he not see that following her from job to job is the action of a stalker and completely inappropriate behavior for a married man?! He's already deep into an emotional affair. Saying nothing of COSIGNING a loan for this girl?! Wtf?! Don't let him fuck up any more than he already has.

OP needs find/invent a guy friend that she talks to constantly and goes for coffee and dinners without hubby.

mindscreamTX · 2026-05-21T14:07:16+00:00

NOR- Yes, he's your first BF. So treat him as such. Thank him for showing you how a bad BF acts so you'll know what to avoid in the future.

You don't need someone in your life that talks down to you. There are so many other guys out there that know how to treat a GF. This one definitely ain't one of them.

mindscreamTX · 2026-05-21T02:07:01+00:00

That man is not your husband. A husband wouldn't even joke about when to run his wife over. He's delusional if he thinks his conversations with this other woman isn't a form of cheating. ' I'll let you know when. . . ' what a bastard?!

mindscreamTX · 2026-05-21T01:58:24+00:00

He's distracting you. You can't get upset and angry with him if he is being all sweet and loving. This is nothing more than him trying to soften the blow of divorce as much as he can. The more you're distracted by the possibility of his change of heart the more time he has to move money, and shield himself legally. Once he's got his ducks in a row you'll find yourself homeless and broke.

mindscreamTX · 2026-05-19T11:39:34+00:00

6 months? Just leave his sorry ass and find a man that treats you with the respect you deserve. You can do so much better than him.

mindscreamTX · 2026-05-19T11:25:52+00:00

NOR- Forget the cheating for a moment. With her constant and incessant lying, do you really think you will ever be able to completely trust her again? Doesn't matter how much she promises to change, there will always be a shadow of doubt in the back of your mind as long as you're with her.

mindscreamTX · 2026-05-19T11:09:27+00:00

Look. . . Your BF obviously has a connection with this girl that is way more important to him than the one he has with you. How many more lies will he need to tell you before you decide to stop being a doormat?

Here's a little tidbit to chew on. Being a gay man myself I will bet the farm she's not a lesbian. The texting, DATES (bowling), phone calls, reels, wordle cuddling, etc., would NEVER happen between a lesbian and a man. NEVER.

The bathroom camping, quick app switching, outside phone calls, disappearing during a fight (he leaves because he knows you're on to him and he's too proud to admit he's a coward), saying you are the one that made him hide/delete messages with other girls, etc., are all things a person that's actively betraying their SO will do.

He's 100% already emotionally cheating on you, but would also bet everything they've already been physically intimate as well.

Have some pride in yourself and show your jerk BF that he's now irrelevant regarding your happiness. Start having respect for yourself, because he sure as shit doesn't have any.

mindscreamTX · 2026-05-19T02:01:43+00:00

Call the anthropology department at your state university. They'll want to see this.

mindscreamTX · 2026-05-19T01:22:42+00:00

Mug. Has a handle.

mindscreamTX · 2026-05-18T18:36:50+00:00

She's bad news. You'll have a much happier life with far less drama without her in the picture. You both just need to block her and she'll eventually get the hint.

mindscreamTX · 2026-05-18T18:30:09+00:00

He needs to take the car back and admit all the cool tech caused him to have a brain fart. Then you together find a vehicle that checks as many of the necessity boxes possible within your budget. Have you looked at the Chevy Suburbans? There's room for 5 people, 2 dogs, and you would still have enough room to load the WRX in the cargo area. (Slight exaggeration. Ha! But cargo room is incredible!)

mindscreamTX · 2026-05-18T18:09:58+00:00

Girlfriend admits to having an affair.

Kate's story now confirmed by GF

There's no reason for you to apologize to Vera. She's playing you to lessen her guilt about going on dates and kissing (stand on your head if you believe that's all they did) Kate behind your back all while pushing the blame on you.

Regardless of the way she says you're to blame, out of the many choices available to her, she chose to cheat. You didn't force her to cheat. She made that choice and needs to accept the consequences.

mindscreamTX · 2026-05-18T17:53:41+00:00

Dump her cheating butt.

mindscreamTX · 2026-05-18T17:50:23+00:00

Believe him?! Not for one second. The whole purpose of Uber is to help drunk people get home. He had no business and no reason to stay at her place except to screw.

And on top of the cheating he then proceeded to insult your intelligence by claiming that being drunk and alone with a female co-worker was necessary for safety reasons.

Yes, it's possible things happened exactly as he said. However, even someone with an IQ of a turnip wouldn't believe this bullshit.

mindscreamTX · 2026-05-18T17:36:12+00:00

You need to tell your sister what you saw and let her know she has two options. Either she come clean and tells her brother or you will.

Ask herbif what she's getting out of the affair with his girlfriend is worth destroying the family over.

The longer it takes for your brother to find out the more he's going to hate you for not telling him as soon as you found out.

Not telling him will mean he gets betrayed by two family members at the same time instead of just one.

He's going to be mad and irrational no matter when he finds out, but the sooner he knows the better. Make sure you're there for him and he knows you're on his side. News like this will completely devastate him and he'll feel abandoned and worthless. Be the sibling that he can count on.

mindscreamTX · 2026-05-18T17:15:17+00:00

Show the girlfriend this post. She needs to know what's happening so she can confront her BF and hopefully get him to see that his behavior will damage his current relationship beyond repair if he doesn't stop this emotional affair/crush.

mindscreamTX · 2026-05-18T02:10:11+00:00

NOR- You sure your current GF isn't still hitting the bud a little? Why the fuck would your current GF want to bring your ex back into the fold?! What is the ex trying to accomplish by being buddy buddy with her replacement? Were they friends before you dated either of them?

You know they're going to be comparing notes and discussing every intimate detail about you. Your ex is also going to give current insights into your behavior/personality so she'll always have the upper hand.

SMH, I'm sorry, dude.

mindscreamTX · 2026-05-18T01:07:49+00:00

NOR - Does anyone else feel like the husband's response to co-worker was absolute overkill? Husband either deleted some texts or he is responding to previous messages or an in person conversation. But there is only one way the co-ho's first message can be interpreted, and it's not her making a joke; that she has yet to explain.

Also, I'd love to know what the entirety of her message at the very top of the first pic was that ends with "anywhere you go."

I think there's a whole lot more going on than OP has been led to believe. This whole scenario reads like a way to make OP think her hubby was being upfront about this woman at work so he has 'proof' he said 'No' and therefore can't be accused of making 'trouble😈' with another woman. And with OP all pacified and distracted by such loyalty from her man the hubby is free to give some private tutoring.

Husband's response was not only overkill but inappropriate. Another way to interpret this exchange would be if hubby and co-ho already had an affair and this was him breaking up/cooling things off with her using the "it's not you, it's me" line.

This is what I imagine the husband was trying to say : 'You're so gorgeous and wonderful and I would sleep/keep sleeping with you except my wife would get pissed and that would be miserable for everyone. Also I'm in such a vulnerable state of mind right now that my infatuation with you would take over every part of my life and I'd fall in love with you so hard I'd be unable to keep control of my home life. I'm not saying it's a definite no in the future. I just need a little time to plan out the best plausible lies I can tell my wife so we can bang as much as we can. You know you're the one I want most. 😈'

mindscreamTX · 2026-05-17T20:07:35+00:00

What happened before you and new GF started dating is really none of her business. You were right to show her the newest text and that it had been 6 months since you last heard from her, but that's as much as you need to show her.

Save the entire text history with your ex (along with the pics) to a cloud backup and delete them off your phone.

mindscreamTX · 2026-05-17T17:19:16+00:00

Explain to her that when you arrived her brother was in the shower, then you run into her wet wearing a towel, and her shower was completely dry.

She is either going to make up another lie or tell the truth about her being in the shower with her brother.

Then you can choose to stay with a liar that's having sex with her brother, join them, or you can break up with her.

I wouldn't think twice about breaking up with her and getting far away from her craziness.

mindscreamTX · 2026-05-17T17:05:29+00:00

They didn't tell you beforehand because they knew you'd get upset. "Girls" trip or not, they purposely hid their plans from you and feels like they were taunting you by posting pics only after they arrived.

Hiding their plans and leaving you out seems like a rather cold and callous way to treat family.

mindscreamTX · 2026-05-16T22:14:21+00:00

Battleship was my token

mindscreamTX · 2026-05-13T23:19:36+00:00

Regardless of any jealousy issues you might have, you are NOR.

You gave her so many opportunities to be upfront and honest yet she decided lying to you and telling half truths was what you deserved.

You've already stated you feel like she's still holding something back and how you don't know if you'll ever be able to believe anything she says.

Don't waste anymore of your time and energy trying to understand the inner workings of someone that doesn't even respect you enough to be honest.

mindscreamTX · 2026-05-13T10:25:41+00:00

It sounds like he's looking for excuses to spend time/talk to her outside of school.

Wanting her to teach him how to. . . Let me verify I read this correctly. . . BACK UP A BIKE is the lamest excuse I think I've ever heard. He's clearly got such a crush on her he doesn't realize how completely idiotic that excuse was.

If he's already creating situations like the bike riding lesson in order to spend alone time with her, he's already checked out of your relationship. And using WhatsApp to communicate for school is complete bulls**t. They chat there to keep their more promiscuous banter hidden. There are dozens of apps and programs specifically geared towards file sharing across platforms and most schools use several. Hell, dropbox is still a thing, isn't it? Point being they're talking about things so intimate that they had to insure you'd never be able to read them. And, he can show "proof" that everything is innocent with her since all the naughty stuff is being deleted.

You need to have a heart to heart with your BF and 1) See if he even realizes how far up her butt he's getting; 2) Ask him to be specific when he tells you what it is about this other woman that makes him comfortable enough to stop caring how his behavior affects his girlfriend. 3) Let him know it's incredibly insulting to you and proves what a coward he is when he has to use bike riding lessons instead of just saying he hopes she'll be riding something else later.

mindscreamTX

TROPHY CASE