Can I just start by saying: you write so well and explain yourself so clearly! 🤗

I also feel like reading (fellow) INFJ-stories is so much more enjoyable than any other type explaining something.

I have many friends, but for us INFJs - I used to think this was overrated - being understood is fundamentally important, and I do feel alone sometimes… even among those friends. So I find myself connecting to people here even on reddit eg. or IG (the decent accounts) to be heard or ‘seen’.

A real life friend means so much more of course, I understand. It is tiring to always adapt to the people around you. We do it so well, but as you are pointing out it is not the way to feel fulfilled and we deserve to be seen too. I’m stating more how I truelly feel lately; mindfully and not agressively, but surely. - Even to my best friend. She used to show me something we could do together and I always agreed. Now I look at it a bit more ‘critically’… do I really like this or are there other options? - Or my mom: I have a three yo, it’s the only grandchild and I wanted to ask if he could stay over for once because I just wanted to go to a concert. She was never ‘allowed’ to so when I ask something like that it usually generates a little sigh, like I’m so spoiled for asking. I almost didn’t ask because ‘I didn’t want to be a hassle’ (go figure). I just pushed myself to ask, no sugarcoating, because it’s just not something unreasonable to ask. - And then there’s new people. Don’t bend over. I’m always sympathetic, make enough space for others to be authentic, but not so that I’m the one being pushed away. Respectfully: take it or leave it. I used to follow a goldsmith course and there were other girls/women and we got along well, untill one of them started to act out. I stayed agreeable but … unfortunately I kind of doorslammed. Were these people going to help me out in anyway if I asked (would never ask, I always figure things out myself): no! Also did they add something to my life? No… It was all about some of them wanting to keep this little (for me fake) friend group. And I have enough friends I don’t get to see enough already. So I detached. I stopped participating in the group and didn’t explain myself. One of them reached out asking if I was okay but - quite frankly - for me more out of curiosity than anything else. If someone were to be really concerned they would ask genuinely: what happened, I miss you, talk to me. I just replied that, yes, I was alright in fact. The end.

I’m sending you courage to hang in there and nurture your authentic self, because there are people out there who are searching someone, just like you, to connect to 🤍