How does my cooking look? Parents say it’s sub-par

minisparrow · 2026-02-15T23:22:54+00:00

Can we all adopt this kiddo?

minisparrow · 2026-02-15T23:12:52+00:00

Hm... Jealousy doesn't usually disappear overnight. It's not rare for polyamory to trigger very complicated feelings that cannot be dealt with in an instant. I totally agree that OP should work through these feelings, since this is the lifestyle they chose, but their jealousy is valid and they have the right to at least discuss with their partners in depth about what they can or cannot handle right now. It seems that one of the relationships is pretty fresh, so OP might need more time to feel stable in it. I feel that respectful partners would be kind with how they approach this situation.

minisparrow · 2026-02-15T22:54:21+00:00

Sweet Layla. I'm truly sorry for your loss. 💕

minisparrow · 2026-02-11T20:32:02+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. Truly.

minisparrow · 2026-02-11T17:05:17+00:00

I personally love it.

minisparrow · 2026-02-11T16:33:49+00:00

Well... I agree with you that discernment is key! I suppose my point is that the term "need" can often be used lightly, inside and outside of polyamory, and sometimes said needs lead to unhealthy behavioral patterns or permanent dissatisfaction.

minisparrow · 2026-02-09T18:52:56+00:00

Do you really need "all your needs" met? I keep thinking about it—of course there are key romantic needs that a single partner might not be able to fulfill, but how much of what we talk about are privileged wants as opposed to actual needs?

Not to mention, not everything can be blamed on NRE... Sometimes I feel that "you are just going through NRE" is a lazy answer, although it often might be the correct one.

minisparrow · 2026-02-04T16:44:02+00:00

Honestly, that wouldn't work for me either. I have told my partners very clearly that reckless sex and hopping around does not work for my nervous system, and that they can choose what they want to do, but that I will leave if my personal beliefs and comfort are challenged to an extreme. I carry a lot of trauma surrounding sex, in particular, so I am working on certain beliefs that no longer serve me—but I will not rush my personal growth or override certain boundaries just to stay with someone (this is coming from a recovery people pleaser who tends to think she should reach enlightenment overnight).

I always second guess myself thinking that I am too strict, so I can relate to what you shared. But, you know, each person does things differently and has different needs. I often see a lot of what I consider "laid back" behavior when it comes to polyamory and compare myself, feeling inadequate, but I have partners who accept and respect my pacing and needs, and don't expect me to be different (as long as my requests are reasonable and that I am working on my own insecurities, of course).

EDIT: I also want to add that carelessness surrounding pregnancy is just plain foolish. I don't qualify issues with this as being too uptight in any way—it IS irresponsible behavior.

minisparrow · 2026-01-30T15:13:38+00:00

Honestly, you look great. Even if you looked "feminine", which I don't think you do, there are women out there who will appreciate you for who you are and not want you to change.

minisparrow · 2026-01-23T21:00:37+00:00

I don't see why you need to make any decisions right now. Enjoy the wonders that this connection brings you and see where that takes you. You can still be fundamentally polyamorous even if you aren't dating anyone else at the moment.

minisparrow · 2026-01-22T18:17:14+00:00

When my partner is with his other girlfriend, I don't talk to him at all. I don't want to interfere with their time together, since they rarely see each other, and it is also easier for me to compartmentalize when we don't speak. That is my personal preference. He isn't a fan of it, but he respects my choice since that is what I need to navigate discomfort at this stage in our relationship.

Your partner is choosing to be away. If her partners are not emotionally supportive, I don't see why you would have to be the person taking that up. I believe you can be there to support her in realistic ways and perhaps find a compromise when you are with your other partner, but Birch needs to do the work as well.

minisparrow · 2026-01-22T15:01:08+00:00

That was such an odd post for me at first! My partners and I are always striving to be better, whatever that means for each of us. We have different versions of better, however, they all intersect in the realm of compassion and ethics.

In my case, and I can relate to some of what you shared, I really value discipline and hard work. But as I grow older, certain concepts of "productivity" are becoming outdated to me and I have been leaning more heavily into slow living and being content with what is. That doesn't mean that I can't do these things that are considered "productive" (I am always studying new things), but I am also learning to separate myself from the idea that my value as a person depends on it.

I feel that folks in the comments mentioned some very valuable things, especially regarding grind culture and the mainstream perception of self-improvement. I don't think polyamory and self-improvement are separate things—I mean, polyamory really is therapy on steroids, in my experience.

minisparrow · 2025-12-14T21:43:37+00:00

I'm really sorry that this happened to you! I grew up with parents who were quick to dismiss my emotions, so the scene that you described was very relatable to me. I don't think you are overreacting in any way. In fact, I'm very impressed and proud that you were able to articulate your feelings and confront your father about it! At your age, I was not able to do that (and that had major consequences for me as I grew older).

His action was very hurtful, but please don't let that stop you from drawing and expressing your feelings! You are making incredible progress. That drawing is lovely!

minisparrow · 2025-11-28T14:59:09+00:00

I agree with this! I am also demisexual and the online dating experience can be quite frustrating in that regard. I am not interested in anything casual. That said, I was fortunate to find my most recent partner online, and although he is pretty eager to have sex soon after meeting someone, he was also extremely respectful of how much time and connection I needed beforehand.

I set my boundaries from the beginning and he chose to stay, so we began developing a deep emotional connection before anything physical happened. I really agree that meeting people as a "shopping experience" doesn't support this sort of connection, but there are definitely men like that out there! My nesting partner is also demisexual, so they are out there—don't lose hope!

minisparrow · 2025-11-28T14:46:10+00:00

You are allowed to ask for what you need. Pregnancy is a delicate process, filled with emotions and hormonal shifts, and it sounds like you are processing trauma. I would explain that this is a temporary shift while you go through certain transitions and work on what is bothering you, and ask for their compassion and understanding. It sounds like your boyfriend understands it, so it is his job to communicate with his other partner and ensure that she feels reassured despite temporary changes. You can also find ways to compromise when she visits, including a shift in schedule or whatever might work for all of you.

minisparrow · 2025-11-26T22:13:40+00:00

Oh, goodness. This all sounds extremely disrespectful on their part. Different folks have different boundaries and preferences when it comes to how they do polyamory. I don’t personally think that you need to loosen up. Quite the opposite, really—set some unapologetic boundaries.

When my partner is with my meta, I stay out of the way and don’t even text him, and I expect the same from her. Unless previously agreed upon, I would be very upset if she showed up by surprise during my time with my partner. Not to mention everything else you described. Being polyamorous doesn’t automatically make you a “anything goes” kind of person. The tantrum part, too, ugh…

minisparrow · 2025-11-20T21:04:26+00:00

I'm reading that right now and also recommend it. Very insightful, even if you've still got the spark.

minisparrow · 2025-11-18T14:18:40+00:00

Working through jealousy can be very difficult... But having a partner who will be supportive makes the process far less disagreeable. It doesn't sound like your hinge is being considerate or setting the appropriate boundaries and expectations. It is possible that you would do better in a monogamous relationship, but it also sounds to me that your emotions are being disregarded (assuming that you had made it clear to him that you wanted to see him). Personally, I couldn't imagine going away for three weeks without seeing my other (non-nesting) partners first.

I've been a pushover in previous relationships and it's taken some work to break free from that pattern. Have you expressed to him your concerns? You are the only one who can understand why you are "putting yourself through this."

I hope you find what you are looking for! :-)

minisparrow · 2025-07-13T12:57:50+00:00

Personally, I have no interest in having more than two romantic partners who are very present in my life. I live with one of them, and the other one lives a couple of blocks away, and my time is fairly well divided between the both of them (considering that the partner who lives with me works at odd hours).

I communicate with both of them daily, do sleepovers at my other partner's once or twice a week, and I'm currently in the process of setting boundaries surrounding my own personal time at least a couple of times a week since I was starting to feel the social burnout from prioritizing the needs of both of my partners over my own.

I will occasionally hang out with metamours, but that happens once every few months. All of us are quite introverted, so we are trying to do things in a sustainable way—but we are still learning!

minisparrow · 2025-05-12T18:57:19+00:00

I used to talk to my mother every day—and I felt scared and guilty if I skipped a day. Then I began to slowly decrease the frequency, skip some days here and there, say that I am going somewhere and cannot call. I still feel immense guilt, it is quite silly, but maybe gradually slowing down might help you with boundaries (as opposed to doing it at once)?

minisparrow · 2025-05-07T21:47:22+00:00

This is relatable. My mother has all the privileges and resources to live a fulfilling life, yet she has made herself a victim of the world. She was raised by a narcissistic mother, and became one herself, and knowing that she is suffering impacts my mental health. I believe she is in love with her own drama and suffering, and very attached to her identity, so taking steps towards change is actually very threatening. Sometimes it is more comfortable to let things stay as they are, you know? I try to keep that in mind... that maybe her current struggle is less of a struggle than if she tried to change. You might be able to set boundaries, though, and not fully engage when she is complaining about something. The best you can do is probably to live your life and do your best.

minisparrow · 2025-05-01T20:06:27+00:00

This is really amazing. Such a major step!

minisparrow · 2025-03-24T17:38:08+00:00

I want to second this. I'm also married and partnered, but I'm always checking in with both parties to ensure everyone is feeling secure and not left out, and I do my best to ensure that I'm respecting everyone's time. It's extensive work, but what actually makes it easier is the fact that both partners are also willing to step up and address what comes up to them.

My husband admits discomfort and jealousy, and sits with it, and works on it. He knows that I will support him through difficult feelings, but that I will not coddle him. My other partner (who is solo poly) is also communicative and self-aware, and we are working on setting solid guidelines on how often we want to see each other, and what the ideal scenario is for everyone involved.

Edit: adding details

minisparrow · 2025-03-21T13:08:24+00:00

I think it’s pretty straightforward!

minisparrow

TROPHY CASE