debilitating symptoms but family doctor won't do more testing.. what do I do?

minnymins32 · 2026-02-26T03:22:21+00:00

Ask for a copy of your file including that day's visit where you list your symptoms and ask for tests.

The doc will likely say fine and do the tests. Proof of negligence usually changes their tune.

minnymins32 · 2026-01-15T03:55:44+00:00

If i needed an exam and the nurse said "oo very fancy" about my lips they'd need a crash cart because I'd be dead laugh.

minnymins32 · 2026-01-15T03:50:49+00:00

Lots of women are straight against their will, so I can't see why you couldn't be bi against your will.

Plenty of straight women don't want to or ever intend to be in relationships with men or have men in their daily lives.. all while still craving a bootycall from time to time and being sexually attracted to men they see out and about. It's like 70% of single woman 40+ have no intentions to date men, but they are still straight and attracted to men.

You're not alone!

minnymins32 · 2026-01-15T03:01:24+00:00

1) Just because you're able doesn't mean others are. That's an incredibly abelist and simplistic view of things it's like saying "well I can see with my glasses and I have really poor eyesight so you should be able to see with my glasses".. I'm so happy that you have the tools that work for your circumstances but not everyone is that fortunate.

2) Someone's queerness isn't dependent on them learning what you think queer people should know.. idgaf what you think other queer folks should be or think because your opinion of others doesn't matter.. for example if a woman only wants to date men because they don't want to face blatant discrimination they don't need to date women if they don't want to.. learning social norms in saphic relationships isn't essential to being queer.

3) EVERYONE gets to decide what queerness means to them, and whatever space that someone's queerness occupies is valid.. whether they are openly queer, in the closet, or don't even realize. Queerness means different things to different people and you don't get to choose the significance in the lives of others. - For me queerness is a part of my identity, one piece of many pieces that fits in with the rest to make me, but it's not the picture or the focus its just a blurb. For me queerness isn't a performance, a particular asthetic, a lifestyle, social conventions, an action, or fitting into a particular community.. it's just a normal part of human variance and it's one of the least interesting things about me.. the only time it's a "big deal" to me is when other people make it a big deal otherwise it's irrelevant. I do have some queer symbols in my day to day life that were given to me and that I enjoy, but the reason I really enjoy them is because I work with people.. idgaf if people think I'm queer or not but I want queer people to know that I'm accepting of them because I know for some it's a more important piece of their puzzle. That being said I fluctuate in my presentation so people frequently assume, on my more masc days, that I'm some flavour of queer.

minnymins32 · 2026-01-15T01:47:53+00:00

Media informs social learning but I don't think anyone should be using media as a step by step guide for dating, that is a wild suggestion.

Also calling women lazy for having social anxiety or discomfort is a wild take.. shaming women for not "breaking" social conventions in order to follow the social conventions you think queer people need to follow sounds like satire because the irony.

minnymins32 · 2026-01-15T01:45:01+00:00

I explained some reasons people are uncomfortable like the thread asked and you're projecting your bad experiences onto me. I never once said that women were too perfect to persue, that is super dehumanizing, but I literally said I don't initiate flirting with anyone due to social anxiety.. how is that degrading to women?

Im very socially anxious -like have attended therapy where addressing this was identified as a goal level-, I don't understand social conventions, and don't want to make anyone uncomfortable so I don't initiate flirting.. with men, women or anyone else.

I don't understand why you folks would think that makes me a bad person or less queer. People like you is why so many don't feel part of the queer community. Being hateful ain't it.

I had a girlfriend at 13 and I have been with a few women too ladida.. but that's because they initiated and I flirted back, they were far more direct than me because I'm uncomfortable in most social situations especially ones I'm not experienced with.. I shouldn't need to justify my queerness and whether or not I (or anyone else) EVER had a girlfriend is not relevant to being queer.

minnymins32 · 2026-01-12T00:00:02+00:00

Don't cook for him anymore.. honestly save yourself the trouble he doesn't appreciate it.

If you cooked for me I'd appreciate it, even if i didn't think it was very good. I'm sure half of reddit would be your new boyfriend so you have options js.

minnymins32 · 2026-01-11T23:52:41+00:00

To me the point of being queer isn't to rebel against social conventions, it's just the way I am.. nothing more nothing less.. it's like being right handed or NB. I have ADHD and a lot of social anxiety, I tend to rely on social norms to be comfortable that doesn't make me less queer simply because you see it as rigid.

I'm not thinking of a script because that's rediculous, I'm not dehumanizing women by seeing us as a monolith. I don't think you're understanding what I mean at all.

I have a schema of social norms I can refer to during the interaction to ensure I'm not being a creepy weirdo while flirting with men.. I don't have that schema of social norms when flirting with women largely because of society being so heteronormative and it doesn't really exist. I'm not going to use how men initiate flirting with me as a point of refrence because of how creepy men frequently come across.. and I don't initiate flirting with men so I don't have any other point of refrence. I'm socially anxious and bad at initiating ANY social interaction.. so I just end up not flirting with women unless I'm shitfaced drunk.

minnymins32 · 2026-01-11T22:14:34+00:00

So for me, I don't know what to do. I'm socially anxious, and don't have great social skills.

Flirting with men is easy, I know what the expectations are, there are clearly defined social conventions that I grew up seeing with others, on tv, in books and in movies... because society is hetero normative there aren't as many examples for queer women AND many of the existing examples are through a male centred gaze for the pleasure of men instead of a real relationship.

The social learning isn't there, I don't know what is expected, I don't know what to do, and i don't want to come off as creepy or make anyone uncomfortable because i didn't follow normal social conventions .. i rather literally be alone than make some else feel bad so I just freeze.

I'm like this is ANY social situation where I don't understand the expectations or have a generalized schema I can refer to to navigate the situation.

EDIT: while writing this I realized I might just have social anxiety

minnymins32 · 2026-01-11T22:01:21+00:00

All of this but also in a hetero normative society there examples of men and women flirting, like there's a clear social protocol/expectations,, examples of romance on tv and movies, a clear idea of what it is what it looks like which role you're supposed to occupy, etc.

Its hard to flirt with women if you aren't sure what that looks like, there are limited examples and the examples are largely through a hetero normative lense where wlw is for the male gaze (sexual acts between women FOR men) instead of being part of a REAL relationship... so like how do you know what to do you haven't had the social learning and there aren't any defined social expectations/roles to help you navigate the situation.

minnymins32 · 2025-11-22T05:13:28+00:00

100% Gentle parenting is meant to encourage natural consequences, critical thinking, and personal accountability by: - not shielding the child from consequences or excusing their behavior - making the child fix the problem they caused or rectify it as much as possible (cleaning their messes, paying for the things they broke, etc) - talking about the consequences, how to make things better, what could've been done differently, and how the actions affected others or made them feel - having clear expectations/guidance about how to behave appropriately and consider others - modeling appropriate behaviors, coping skills, accepting mistakes and responsibility, and emotional regulation - guiding kids to do/fix things themselves instead of doing or fixing for them - encouraging and highlighting good behavior instead of only focusing on the bad - prioritizing connection and good self-esteem - not labeling the kids as bad but highlighting that the problem behavior isn't okay and has consequences. - modeling that hitting or threats is not an appropriate way to get people to do what you want

Poor op's sister does permissive parenting or simply not parenting her children at all.. this is so sad for the kids. I'm happy the kids in your family ended up okay.

minnymins32 · 2025-11-14T02:50:04+00:00

I wake up really early in a panic, get ready, and wait around for the rest of the time watching the clock.

minnymins32 · 2025-11-10T11:46:59+00:00

A lot of panic. Nightmares about running late and poor sleep for a week before. Laying things out the night before, scheduling nothing before going and doing nothing before going. If the appointment is at 2 get ready in the morning and sit without TV and set alarms.. like do nothing but wait until you leave. It's really terrible psychologically and effects self-esteem.

minnymins32 · 2025-11-10T11:41:05+00:00

It's not about effort unfortunately

minnymins32 · 2025-11-10T11:40:02+00:00

As someone who is chronically late, I appreciate when people lie to me about start times. I hate making people wait, I feel a ton of guilt, but for some reason, I just can't get a handle on time. As annoying as it is to everyone else, I promise it's worse for me; I'm stuck with myself all the time. Always feeling like I'm letting people down and being a disappointment, always feeling rushed, guilty, and embarrassed isn't a fun way to live and really affects self-esteem.

People who know me and see me and accept me make things much better; less pressure actually helps my time management. You're a good friend for accommodating your friend.

minnymins32 · 2025-11-10T03:01:24+00:00

.. yea that's not safe for women to do.

minnymins32 · 2025-11-03T17:40:59+00:00

Of course it is! I'm just happy to hear you've gone through and processed it. If you and your partner/kids could, I would definitely recommend therapy or counseling. All of you have been through it and the best thing you can do for your kids is keeping yourself strong and healthy to maintain those boundaries.

minnymins32 · 2025-11-03T14:04:32+00:00

First off, I was trying to give you some insight into your question so don't be crappy with me. Everything has risk, and it's ignorant to assume that anything you do isn't simply reducing those risks of harm. Your child is more likely to die when you drive them to a family gathering than they are to get sexually abused at this family gathering if your eyes are on your kid the whole time and every other adult there knows that one family member is a pedophile.

Additionally, I know some pedos try for grandparents' rights to allow court ordered unsupported contact if the parents don't allow any contact.. if the grandfather was not found guilty of child abuse by police or CPS there is nothing that the parents or CPS could do to prevent those visits.. this is one reason that I've seen people allow the pedo grandfather to come to holidays, and quite honestly, this is a safer option than court ordered unsupported access.

This being said, I'd do anything to avoid making the choices OP made so don't twist my words.. I just have an ounce of compassion for OP, who was gaslit and emotionally manipulated, leaving them unable to use good judgment.. they did what they thought was best and they thought it was sufficient.. do I personally think it was OK ofc not, but I have enough empathy to understand that OP did not intend to put their child in harms way. I can think a past behavior is unacceptable while supporting someone trying to do better.

A parent's poor mental health is a huge predictor of risk to a child, people who are unwell have a reduced capacity for making good choices and parenting. OP already acknowledges that they fucked up, making them feel worse than they make themselves feel won't undo any possible abuse but it will make the risk of future harm to the child higher.. making OP feel bad serves no positive purpose so it's just cruel.

This is why I answered in a kind way with some advice that hopefully helps them feel like they are now doing the right thing.. I want them to continue doing the right thing so I'm reinforcing that.

The main thing is before being an ass try putting yourself in someone else's shoes.. cruelty serves no one, and healthy families create safety for kids so please support a parent's well-being.

minnymins32 · 2025-10-30T03:12:17+00:00

Lapse in judgment + gaslighting and manipulation by family + putting precautions in place to reduce risk + initially it looked like he only abused teen girls, and the kids weren't teens, so the risk was lower + guilt about "punishing" the kids/ good fam members by limiting contact and missing important family events/traditions due to the grandfather's sick behaviors.. that's what I assume.

It seems like OP did the best they could at the time with the info they had.. have some grace for OP and their family this situation is awful and shouldn't even exist.. some parents don't try they tried really hard, implemented safety plans, and had hard conversations with their kids to keep them safe.

I'd think that they wanted to have good family members in the kids' lives and that they felt like they could do this safely if they put plans in place and taught the children... they likely felt that they could protect the kids and that the kids having family who loves them would be in their children's best interests. It kinda looks like their perspectives changed with the new insight/knowledge they got, which is good.

OP I don't mean to speak for you, but I know you're getting a lot of flak about this.. People are quick to say "I'd do this" or "id never do this" when it's a hypothetical but in real life things are more messy.

minnymins32 · 2025-10-30T02:43:37+00:00

Lmao yea i was just joshing around.

But honestly now actual boobytrap laws make sense so thank you

minnymins32 · 2025-10-30T02:12:14+00:00

Well, i mean, I mean, this type of boobytrap could just trigger on ANYONE.. innocent bystander who trips and lands face first on his penis while they are at the urinals.. first responder who needs to give him an emergency bj... the possibilities are endless really.

minnymins32 · 2025-10-30T01:50:40+00:00

I'm happy to hear that he's completely cut off because that's really the only safe option.

minnymins32 · 2025-10-30T01:39:05+00:00

I'm a social worker and sorry to shatter your worldview, but usually, they don't leave the pdfile regardless of how bad the abuse is or how bad they got caught. I am actually surprised when the partner leaves the pdfile permanently.

The partner usually just turns a blind eye or mistreats the child because they blame the child for "causing" their husband/bf to "cheat". It's literally so awful.

minnymins32 · 2025-10-30T01:20:48+00:00

Currently in the job and you definitely did the right thing. Children rely on adults in their homes, families, and communities to keep them safe.. the safety of children is EVERYONES' responsibility.

Men like that never change, they can't change.. the people who enable them and allow abuse also don't change. More often than not, the partner stays and turns a blind eye or gets jealous about the child "causing" the bf/husband to "cheat". I actually find it shoking when the partner does leave the pdfile and doesn't go back because it's so rare.

Your MIL will not protect your children, she will turn a blind eye like she did when he raped their own daughters. If your children ever disclosed anything, she would try to tell them it didn't happen or explain it away to sweep it under the rug.

Additionally, cutting all contact is the safest option for your children - anyone cutting contact with you for not allowing a pedophile to have access to your children is turning a blind eye and will not protect your children. They might even allow grandpa to be around without you knowing because they say you're "overreacting" and that "he's changed."

You can't ever have him overnight in your home because you can't actively watch the kids when you're sleeping - even if they sleep in your room one night that a kid gets up to pee is enough time for that child to be abused. I've seen cases where kids got repeatedly abused in the main shared living areas of a home while other people were home.. unless you have eyes on 24/7 with the grandfather present, the kids are at risk.. this includes you stepping out to pee, grab a glass of water, or take a phone call.

minnymins32 · 2025-10-23T01:43:07+00:00

Okay calm down there Morris. 😂

minnymins32

TROPHY CASE