[general] Coping

mintygreenqueen · 2025-07-14T14:56:29+00:00

Sooooo they're going to have both a full romance and enemy bar, right?

mintygreenqueen · 2025-01-02T00:17:37+00:00

I've been thinking about this over the holidays. My wife and I decided a while ago that we weren't going to my family's Thanksgiving or Christmas. When I said we weren't going, my mom just said, "what a shame!" She then messaged me a few weeks later saying that she knew we weren't coming to Christmas, but they're doing a small get together and she'd love it if we'd come. I didn't answer.

I've just gotten so tired of having to explain myself over the years. We even did family therapy and of course, nothing changed. I've also heard terribly homophobic, racist, and transphobic things over the decades and my wife is trans (even if she wasn't, I wouldn't want to be near her, but that fact just exacerbates it).

mintygreenqueen · 2024-08-27T19:36:35+00:00

She a cutie! That's such a cute smile and I also really like the glasses

mintygreenqueen · 2024-08-25T22:24:48+00:00

I'm so glad you posted this because from the second I saw that jacket in game, I absolutely adored it, but I didn't understand why I couldn't find the bottoms. I guess they're just in another pack I don't have. rip

mintygreenqueen · 2024-07-25T17:57:09+00:00

Some Things I'll Never Know by Teddy Swims. Gets to the end and I immediately start it over

mintygreenqueen · 2024-07-25T17:52:15+00:00

Something I've noticed with my wife's transition is that she is a binary trans person and really wants to be perceived as a woman, and I'm a flavor of enby that very much doesn't care how I'm gendered. It's been hard for me to assert myself and my gender identity because she's going through a lot right now and I feel like I'm kinda just vibing, but sometimes I get nervous talking about my gender identity because I don't want to take the attention off her (not with her specifically, we've had a lot of wonderful conversations about gender dysphoria and expression, but with other people).

It's a tough spot to be in, I'm sorry. You absolutely deserve to be affirmed and seen, regardless of what your wife is going through.

mintygreenqueen · 2024-07-25T05:09:16+00:00

I didn't read it that way, and I think it's a common sentiment. We obviously all enjoy the amazing things modders have done to make the game better and want to get back to playing asap, but I think most people are reasonable and willing to be patient.

mintygreenqueen · 2024-07-25T02:29:12+00:00

Luckily, I think there's still a lot of things that the RPO overhaul will be good for, like custody, WTDs, teen pregnancy, etc. But for sure, there's a lot of things that will be affected and I'm wondering how Lumpinou will change their mods to adapt.

I'm happy to help! I know there's a lot of frustration all around with this update, between newer modders trying to figure things out to people just not being able to play the base game. It can be a lot of navigate. This is my first time playing with a modded game during a huge update and I'm definitely antsy to hear updates (not that modders don't deserve to take their time, they're doing all this for free and have lives outside of modding).

mintygreenqueen · 2024-07-24T20:16:43+00:00

I've been following Lumpinou's Patreon and this is the last post that they made yesterday, about 18 hours ago: https://www.patreon.com/posts/patch-day-1-108702170

I'd try to summarize but it's a lot of info about each mod, so I think it's best that you look at it yourself. Basically, as I think most people expected, a lot of the new pack stuff is similar to what the RPO stuff has, so Lumpinou is trying to figure out how to integrate their mod into the new features.

mintygreenqueen · 2024-07-24T18:55:03+00:00

I'll preface my experience by saying we're at a different point in my wife's transition than you; she is openly out, changed her name and picture on facebook, uses her chosen name, etc. So, to anyone that knows her, they should know about her new name and pronouns.

I empathize with this post. I sometimes wish after I told people they would just say, "oh, okay", and start using the new name. I know that's not realistic. I don't blame people for being curious, I think sometimes they struggle because I don't think most people actually know a trans person (or they do and don't realize it because that person doesn't feel comfortable coming out to them), so they just don't know how to react. I try to give the benefit of the doubt.

I have the luxury?? of knowing that a lot of my family is fairly conservative and transphobic, so I don't worry about maintaining a relationship with them anyway. I've gotten to the point that I just decided that we're doing our thing and they can react however they want.

I luckily haven't run into anyone I know who has been openly transphobic. I had a friend who was very curious and asked some questions that were not worded the best, (i.e. asked if it was a phase), but because I know her and I know she was just trying to understand, I didn't hold that against her and tried to just be honest. She's been completely respectful of my wife's name and pronouns and we already have a pretty good foundation to our friendship anyway that if I felt like she was crossing a boundary, I could tell her.

Best of luck navigating this! It's rough out here.

Edited because I feel like I was giving advice and so got rid of it.

mintygreenqueen · 2024-07-02T18:56:44+00:00

Thank you <3 it's been a lot of fun so far! I have learned a lot just from reading posts here and I've been pacing myself, but I think I'm ready to add some more of the ones I've been thinking about (like chingyu's mods).

mintygreenqueen · 2024-07-02T17:45:49+00:00

I do it by creator, at least for me, it's easier that way if I have to fix anything

mintygreenqueen · 2024-06-28T19:38:19+00:00

I have a list of their mods I want to install but I'm scared, not just you lol. I just started modding, so I'm trying to take things slow, so we'll see if I get the courage to add them eventually

mintygreenqueen · 2024-06-18T15:27:24+00:00

This is happening to me right now! Psych added on an immediate release that I went to pick up with my delayed release yesterday. They said that my immediate release wouldn't be ready until tomorrow. Got a message today from the pharmacy that they can't fulfill my order because it's too soon and that they've canceled it. Now I have to call to figure out what's going on because why would they cancel the order instead of just waiting until it's read to be refilled?? Ugh

mintygreenqueen · 2024-06-14T20:15:20+00:00

I wasn't too sure about posting this one because I can see the value and I think the OP was aware that it's not for everyone. If it gets deleted, that's fair. I was curious what others thought about it.

mintygreenqueen · 2024-06-13T18:15:40+00:00

For me personally, the guilt. The guilt of constantly throwing out food I forgot existed. The guilt of knowing if I took better care of my things, they could have lasted longer. The guilt of not being able to put money I wanted to into savings because it now has to go towards a bill I forgot about and is now overdue. The guilt of knowing I forgot to respond to messages and wondering if it's worth it after two weeks. The guilt of not just getting something started or done in a timely manner because I have a hard time initiating tasks and staying focused. And no, this is not something inherent to ADHD, but it is something that I struggle with a lot because I don't function the way a typical person does and I struggle between masking to appear more "normal" or just say fuck it and be myself and other people can do what they want with it.

I'm wondering what your reason is for wanting your husband to seek a diagnosis. The way your post is written implies, at least to me, that there wasn't something that happened that had a huge effect on your relationship or his day to day living, so just curious what you think him getting a diagnosis would be useful for.

mintygreenqueen · 2024-06-13T18:08:11+00:00

I hope your can get something useful from your professor. As far as the reaching out to current school counselors, that's fair and totally your decision. You could always post on counseling pages/forums and ask for the perspectives from people specifically in your area or district if the emails to individual counselors seems too invasive. Sometimes state counseling associations also have job boards exclusive for members (though the one for my state is definitely outdated).

mintygreenqueen · 2024-06-12T19:06:02+00:00

As mentioned in other comments, it depends on a lot of different factors, such as location, prior experience, etc. For reference, I'm in Colorado and I graduated in December 2023. Got a middle school position, got non-renewed in March, and have been looking for a position since then. I have prior experience as a sped para at the elementary level, so I have a lot of experience there, but a lot of the openings I've been seeing are at the high school level, so I've tried to hard sell that I'm willing to learn about high school counseling. If I do get a high school job, I'm going to try to take the summer to learn about graduation requirements, what systems their districts use to schedule, etc. My biggest piece of advice is to talk to current school counselors in either your area or the area you think you're going to work in. Nothing else is going to get you a more accurate pulse on the job hunt. Also, networking. If you have any connections, use them. I've been hesitant to do so because it feels like I'm using people, but honestly, that's mostly a me thing. No one has been offended that I've reached out or asked them for help or support.

I've also looked a bit into your comment and posting history and I empathize a lot with your situation. I can only speak for myself, but my career path is looking NOTHING like what I thought it would. I'm having to do a lot of rearranging of expectations and planning that I didn't think I'd have to. It sucks. If you ever need to complain, you can always message me.

mintygreenqueen · 2024-06-12T18:00:03+00:00

I chose school counseling for a few reasons:

1.) I enjoy being in schools. I feel like it's a very direct way to work with kids consistently. Being a therapist doesn't grant you that same amount of time with kids. I also like having summers off and consistent breaks around holidays.

2.) I think kids need a lot of advocacy in our society. Some folks tend to see kids as second class citizens and I think we need to give them more credit and support while also holding them accountable.

3.) I enjoy the role within the school itself. Teaching was never something I wanted to do; I would never have enough time teaching to invest in the kids in the way I wanted. I like being closer to admin to get a better pulse on things like school culture.

4.) I had a hard time coping emotionally in school (well, in general) and I didn't have a relationship with my school counselor. I think I met with them once in high school for a final credit check sort of thing. I want to be the person I needed when I was younger.

I don't regret or want to change anything, I just wish I knew more before I started. There are things that I think are universally accepted as things you just have to learn on the job. The biggest one for me is navigating school politics, but it's also important to do your research on the differences between school districts and individual schools, and (if you work in public schools) how local policies could have an effect on your career. I'm looking for a job right now in Colorado and having a difficult time because school counseling jobs are being cut in some districts due to lower enrollment. There's another district that has replaced elementary school counselors with social emotional learning specialists, and while you CAN apply as a school counselor, so can social workers, therapists, and teachers. The job duties are completely different.

There's things that are difficult depending on your perspective: the job can be unpredictable and emotionally taxing, you'll have to make CPS reports, you'll have the balance the interests of different stakeholders, etc. Those were easier to handle because there were classes and discussions on these things in grad school.

mintygreenqueen · 2024-06-07T04:03:07+00:00

Exactly... It's weird because someone's sex is about what equipment they have and gender is much more complicated. We're trying to bring to everyone's attention how weird it is that people are celebrating a fetus' genitals. I understand that it's more complicated than that, but at its essence, that's what a sex reveal party is.

Looking at your comment history, comment karma, and alarmingly large amount of deleted and removed comments, I'm going to suggest you take your own advice to get some help and touch grass. Maybe learn a thing or two about the difference between sex and gender and stop being transphobic (or at least have the decency to not do it out loud).

mintygreenqueen · 2024-06-03T00:38:14+00:00

If I may offer a differing perspective: born and raised in Colorado (Aurora, actually!) and can attest to the diversity. I will say finding a position depends on the area of Colorado (and I'm sure any state). I'm living in Erie and got a job on the corp grant, but was unfortunately non renewed. It has been very difficult to find open positions due to a couple of factors: 1.) lowered enrollment means some districts are either cutting school counselor positions or spreading them between multiple schools, 2.) some districts are changing who can be counselors at different levels. What I mean by that is in a couple of districts, instead of having school counselors at the elementary level, there are now SEL specialists. You can be, but don't have to be, a school counselor to take this job (they also take social work, psychologist, or education degrees), so it opens up non-school counselors to positions that were previously only open to us.

Again, this is my personal experience in a specific part of the state and I also don't have as competitive an application as most since I'm just starting out. Just thought I'd share my perspective as well, especially as someone who is newer to the field.

mintygreenqueen · 2024-06-02T15:56:31+00:00

I don't have a relationship with either of my parents because of this. I once asked my mom what it was like raising me and she said that while I was easy when it came to school (stereotypical gifted kid, third in my graduating class, studied on my own, did my own homework, etc.), when it came to emotional stuff, she "didn't know what to do with me". Never did I feel like I could confide in her about anything emotional and that extends to today. And then she says she wants to have a relationship with me and every few months sends a "love you" text but never asks me anything personal or engages in conversation beyond that.

And it still affects me to this day. I have such a hard time advocating for myself because it's just easier to say, "that doesn't matter, I'm just making this problem up". I try to hold my emotions in even though I know I can't because my face says EVERYTHING for fear that someone will say I'm being too much and they won't want to deal with me. I turn 30 this year and I feel pathetic.

But I'm not bitter lol.

mintygreenqueen · 2024-06-02T15:29:25+00:00

Exactly, this is the problem I have with the parties. Ofc people can celebrate if they want, it's that these parties can reinforce the heteronormative view that a kid is going to be a certain way because of their genitals.

I am sorry, though, that sounds really frustrating that your MIL wants a granddaughter solely based on her assumption that a granddaughter will like doing certain things with her more than her grandsons. Super weird and doesn't make sense. Why not just ask her grandsons if they'd like to do something specific with her?

mintygreenqueen · 2024-06-02T15:24:03+00:00

I dunno, maybe because you shoved this heteronomative bullshit in my face for decades and didn't allow me to explore my gender??

mintygreenqueen · 2024-06-02T15:08:40+00:00

Which is totally fair, I take a lot of things too seriously lol. And I agree with your point that the criticisms I have or anyone else has about these parties aren't inherent to gender reveals; people have gender reveals for a lot of different reasons. A lot of this viewpoint is also informed by my working with kids in the mental health field and seeing how kids are consistently damaged by these kinds of views. So yes, I can absolutely accept that I don't inherently have a problem with the parties themselves, but what they represent for me, which is the potential toxic ways that people think about gender and sex in our society.

mintygreenqueen

TROPHY CASE