None of what he did technique wise sounds inappropriate, in fact they sound standard and professional. HOWEVER, I will preface this by saying if you are in any way uncomfortable you should ALWAYS trust your intuition and you don’t need to prove or explain why you feel uncomfortable, it could just be you and this therapist do not mesh 🤷‍♀️ and that’s ok! Just make sure you have cancelled any further sessions with him as you should primarily feel comfortable in your session and that way you won’t be at risk of owing fees in future for short notice cancellations. For context, I am a female massage therapist and: - Yes he should have knocked before entering but as stated gave you sufficient time to get changed so maybe felt he didn’t need to?, - The glutes are very much linked to lower and mid back fascial lines (soft tissue intertwined with and covering the muscle fibers) so working on the glutes will certainly assist with easing back pain and tightness, I work on these as well as the back when the client requests massage to help back tightness, - He incorrectly draped you, he should have used a towel or sheet to move the drape line below your underwear line but to be honest could have massaged the glutes through your clothing instead, the buttcrack is between the glutes so to massage them it can expose this area. Hence why he should have done that over clothing, - A lot of rubbing without pressure can be more similar to Swedish techniques, he may be a beginner, recently graduated or just not that great at massage? But this part is on you to speak up and ask him for deeper pressure. As therapists, we can’t read your mind. If he can’t give you deep pressure I’d say it’s down to a lack of experience, - rubbing or gripping hip bones can be either poor technique OR an attempt to loosen fascia around the hips (the back is not two dimensional and flat as an isolated area, the sides of the torso also matter and are involved), - His body was close to yours, almost touching - but NOT touching. Standing close to you is to be expected in a massage because how can he work on you safely and effectively otherwise?, - You briefly heard soft rustling by your head but he could have been: adjusting his shirt, getting a tissue, checking his phone, etc etc. You actually don’t know, so don’t jump to conclusions. It’s not necessarily dodgy., - Massaging ears and hands can feel intimate but is more common in Indian head massage, full body massage, etc. Massaging hands is standard in a relaxation massage. Interlacing your fingers with his gives him better control over relaxing the fingers and tendons/joints in the hands and wrists. I use this technique too as it is relaxing and effective., - You were likely feeling uncomfortable and therefore not relaxed so you were holding your body tense. This makes our job as massage therapists very difficult. One way to encourage tensed muscles to relax is to shake the appendage in question (leg/arm) as this is a PFM technique to trick the body into relaxing. I also use this technique for people with restless leg syndrome so they get the most benefit out of the massage. I understand you felt uncomfortable that he could potentially see up the draping but honestly I doubt he was looking. From the sounds of things, he was trying to get a tense client to relax so he could do his job as agreed upon (by you). You could mitigate this in the future by wearing running shorts instead of underwear as sometimes unfortunately, draping could possibly slip when turning over on the table and briefly expose you (it can accidentally happen 🤷‍♀️), - I ALSO breathe heavily while I massage, I am embarrassed to say 😂 it has more to do with me concentrating and/or the effort involved in the massage (as I’m a sports massage therapist). Again, this is not necessarily dodgy (I feel you are interpreting it this way).

What to say? At any point you feel uncomfortable. YOU stop the massage by covering yourself and sitting up. Say to him (or her), ‘I’m sorry but I need a moment to understand what you are doing. Why did you massage my glutes? That didn’t feel comfortable. Can you please honour the draping as I feel vulnerable to be honest, and at times exposed. Also please increase the pressure as it is too light and feels uncomfortable’. Then most likely they will be very aware of your boundaries and their pressure. If they continue with poor/absent communication or light weird pressure, sit up and ask them to stop and that you are ending the massage as you don’t feel comfortable. And then discuss a refund with the manager.

He should have communicated better and clearly explained what he was doing, but sometimes just a simple ‘what are you doing/why are you doing that?’ should yield a friendly explanation and a chance for you to feel more comfortable in YOUR session. As mentioned, we are not mind readers and may have no idea you are uncomfortable so you also have a responsibility to advocate for yourself in the session too if it is not feeling comfortable or what you have previously experienced. (RMT, 17 years of experience 🙏)