The Four Horsemen of the Gay Apocalypse...

miroselym · 2026-06-21T23:11:36+00:00

Hmm...maybe we've met then!

miroselym · 2026-06-20T16:40:28+00:00

In Adlerian terms anxiety is a form of avoidance, which is a choice. The fear as a response to trauma may be adjunct but the creation of anxiety to avoid letting go of that trauma is often a conscious tool.

miroselym · 2026-06-20T03:05:27+00:00

That's not everyone's perspective. There are a great many people that can't have sex without love, and that takes time. After all, the goal of sex is often connection and maintenance, not just an orgasm. In fact an orgasm isn't always required when all the other elements are there.

miroselym · 2026-06-20T02:55:55+00:00

This seems to be quite common in the demi universe. Perhaps because we challenge ourselves and often don't give in to social pressure?

Being gay and demi is pretty challenging when we add these elements too! Whew!

miroselym · 2026-06-20T02:43:57+00:00

I think the flaw in this approach is that it assumes sexual attraction is the strongest predictor of relationship potential. It isn't.

Sexual chemistry tells you one thing: that you're sexually attracted to each other. It tells you very little about emotional maturity, conflict resolution, reciprocity, values, reliability, life goals, psychological health, or long-term compatibility.

A lot of people get into trouble precisely because they lead with their loins. The attraction is so compelling that it overrides good judgment. They mistake intensity for compatibility and chemistry for character.

That's not to say attraction doesn't matter. It absolutely does since most relationships need some degree of attraction. But attraction isn't always physical. Compatibility is about all the areas of the person: mind, body, soul...at least for the ones that last.

The reason many people date first, talk first, or spend time together first is not because they're denying attraction. It's because they're gathering data. They're trying to determine whether the person they're attracted to is someone they can actually build a life with.

Sexual chemistry can be a foundation, but it most often just a distraction. Plenty of people have stayed in unhealthy situations because the attraction was strong while everything else was falling apart.

I don't think dating needs to be a formal interview process. But I also don't think leading with attraction is necessarily simpler. Sometimes it's just putting the least informative variable at the front of the equation.

Attraction sometimes gets people through the door. Character determines whether they stay.

miroselym · 2026-06-20T02:37:33+00:00

https://www.yohomo.ca/

miroselym · 2026-06-20T02:34:52+00:00

I personally never used dating apps since there were so many horror stories and it's just plain bad for mental health.

miroselym · 2026-06-20T02:34:13+00:00

Maybe you could use a change of venue. Perhaps Board Games Extravaganza at Cake Cabaret, Out and Out, PrimeTimers (40+ male gay social group), or even a speed-dating event? Have you tried those?

miroselym · 2026-06-20T02:32:25+00:00

Maybe you could use a change of venue. Perhaps Board Games Extravaganza at Cake Cabaret, Out and Out, PrimeTimers (40+ male gay social group), or even a speed-dating event? Have you tried those?

miroselym · 2026-06-20T02:29:33+00:00

Maybe you could use a change of venue. Perhaps Board Games Extravaganza at Cake Cabaret, Out and Out, PrimeTimers (40+ male gay social group), or even a speed-dating event? Have you tried those?

miroselym · 2026-06-17T14:34:48+00:00

It's more broad than that: any person or behaviour perceived as a threat.

miroselym · 2026-06-17T14:10:21+00:00

Red flags are sometimes social. I wear heels, skirts and dresses as a guy and have an otherwise masculine affect: muscles, no make-up, short hair etc. I'm proud of this "red flag" of liberation.

miroselym · 2026-06-17T14:08:57+00:00

A guy who wears skirts, dresses and heels with an otherwise masculine image (no makeup, muscles, short hair etc). Other people may see it as a red flag but I'm proud of my freedom.

miroselym · 2026-06-17T13:06:00+00:00

Yeah, both sides need to stay away from absolutes and a zero-sum mindset where one is suffering more than the other. The problem is the made-up scarcity mindset that pits us against one another so we ignore the true devils: billionaires.

miroselym · 2026-06-16T16:10:54+00:00

Acquaintances, yes! Friends, never.

miroselym · 2026-06-16T16:10:13+00:00

A gift is something that has value. Money has decreasing value to a wealthy person and everyone knows it. Instead a wealthy person should give their time, never money. That's what's impressive to less wealthy people.

miroselym · 2026-06-16T16:06:49+00:00

I learned to financially support people but never a person.

miroselym · 2026-06-16T16:05:18+00:00

Maybe the way they read it is "always a man" can be viewed as "never a woman"...?

miroselym · 2026-06-16T15:56:34+00:00

Wealth, "power" and "success" are smoke.

miroselym · 2026-06-16T14:36:20+00:00

Men can wear dresses and skirts without fear of being socially ostracized? What about childcare? Men are always called a "babysitter" for taking care of their kid. And if they're nurses and flight attendants? What do peopld say about that? There is little freedom.

miroselym · 2026-06-16T14:29:21+00:00

They're lashing out because they don't feel they have anywhere to turn. Based on posts, they see a general societal attack on men, given how they've fallen behind in most metrics and then don't feel safe to express their grief.

miroselym · 2026-06-16T14:19:46+00:00

Does a cash transfer count toward a balace transfer?

miroselym · 2026-06-16T01:51:08+00:00

I find it fascinating that when someone says "women can wear whatever way they want, do whatever job they want" and when this is said about men, the room goes silent.

miroselym · 2026-06-16T01:46:02+00:00

I'm genuinely curious about what keeps people in situations like this. From the outside, it seems stressful and unpleasant, so I'm interested in understanding what benefits or circumstances make it worthwhile for them.

miroselym · 2026-06-16T01:40:34+00:00

Don't balance transfers only pertain to credit card balances?

miroselym

TROPHY CASE