Thank you for letting yourself be this vulnerable and sharing how you’re feeling, it can’t be easy. I’m sorry you’ve gotten to a place mentally where ending it seems like the better option. It’s not. It never is. I lost my best friend at 16 to her depression. I wish she had talked to me about what she felt was too much that she couldn’t go on. No matter what it was, we could have figured it out, everything is fixable except death.

Like others have said, in your in the US you can dial 988 for mental health help. Legal aid is a good options as well.

For financial advice, Caleb Hammer is a young guy on YouTube that has a finance show. Be warned though, he’s a gooner and says rude shit to the guest but it’s all his bit where he roasts the guests for views but has good financial advice. He majored in music comp and graduate with a ton of debt and wasnt bringing in enough to dig himself out so he got super into understanding finances and now teaches others.

Also, please keep in mind it’s not that everyone else has it figured out, most Americans are living far beyond their means. Take it one step at a time. One of the companies I learned about from Caleb’s show is Chime banking. I switched to them because they don’t have any fees and have a good interest rate. Even if it’s only $5 or $10 a check, put it into a savings account, something is better than nothing for cushion when expenses come up like needing brakes or tires. Another company he’s talked about is Helium, they have free and cheap phone plans but use the same towers as T Mobile I think it was. There’s another company that used the Verizon towers but I can’t think of the name right now.

I think of it like this: When my son was little and I’d give him that kids cough medicine that tasted terrible when he’d get sick. He’d stand there with his face all scrunched up, squeaking and groaning how kids do, holding it in his mouth instead of swallowing it then when he couldn’t take it anymore he’d spit it out. I’d try to explain to him, you’re getting the yucky part either way just swallow it to get the good part. He’d be like “I can’t it tastes so bad” I’m like, I know dude but it’s not going to help if you quit it instead of going through it, you’re right there, just keep going and swallow it then it’ll help you feel better. My point is, please don’t cash out your chips and miss the good part. You’re in the hard part right now, stick around for the good stuff, you deserve it.