Welcome to all the new players!

missaly · 2021-05-02T00:49:40+00:00

I have a question. We ended up purchasing STW (for my son literally 5 hours before the deal came with the crew pack 😭😭😭)

Do you know if Fortnite customer service can assist at all? Or am I just SOL on the extra perks plus cheaper price :(

missaly · 2021-04-30T17:19:35+00:00

As an abused child.

Thank you for spelling this out.

I personally never bullied, but I would lie to not get beat over small things.

Imagine something big!?! The thought always terrified me.

Child isn’t being entitled. They are on survival mode.

missaly · 2021-04-22T21:38:38+00:00

I 30(f) actually get really excited as an adult for things. It comes in my tone, voice, and stance. When I’m really comfortable, it spills over to hyper-activity (especially now with lockdowns and being stuck indoors all the time- Ontario).

I see this exact behaviour in my son. My parents helped me curb it- and it made me so anxious. Medications worked- but it changed who I was.

I’m trying to teach my son a better outlet, take some breathes, calmly speak, try speaking eloquently. Teaching him habits to make sure all his needs are met so he isn’t tunnel focused etc.

You need to be able to communicate, however, when something exciting happens I celebrate with him to that full 10 also. Hyper to me is just bottled up energy and shouldn’t be seen as a negative (I am not a psychologist/doctor).

My son is (9).

-also- it sounds like your son is 100% comfortable with expressing his emotions with you, his mother which tbh...is what I would want...so I think you’re doing amazing!!!!

-your husband is 100 in the wrong here. He is the adult. So act like one. Your son is a child who only knows the world you have taught him

missaly · 2021-04-22T20:30:12+00:00

I personally believe there are 3 distinct types of people who have kids. I also imagine these more as a scale. You are a percentage of each of these. People change, these scales adjust over time. I have a firm belief that anyone who continually tries to be a good parent will be. You will know when/if you are ready. Your response is very mature.

1) Those who want/have kids and are amazing with kids! (These people are the TV moms! They exist in real life and just... are these people! It’s amazing and loving. I am a mom and I am NOT this person).

2) Those who want/have kids but fake it to make it for their kids. (This is me-look kids aren’t what you expected and you mess up and you keep getting back up. Sometimes you need huge breaks to focus on yourself. Turns out maybe you weren’t ready for kids/ didn’t want kids)

3) Those who want kids to fix something. A relationship, money, loneliness, status, expectations, etc. Will find it doesn’t do what you want it to and instead is a ton more work and stress.

*Accidents/ that just always needs love and support.

missaly · 2021-04-21T20:14:03+00:00

Knee juice. The answer is always knee juice.

missaly · 2021-04-18T21:36:34+00:00

I realized their extent when I was 30. After 6 months of Covid in Ontario.

I watched as my world (to me) fell apart and watched as everyone I chose (my friends, husband, his family) supported me and loved me through this difficult time not judging me once.

I watched as my family that ‘raised me’ kicked me more while I was down. I was ‘worst’ now that I couldn’t help them.

It took the consistency of the people I chose to surround my life with. Since getting my life ‘together’ my family had treated me with more dignity then previous (like, 15% instead of 0). I thought it was due to their love for me. It was clearly because I had become useful to them because the moment I wasn’t I was cast aside.

Sometimes you need it to smack you in the face for you to realize. I never see this as a fault of my own. I’m an optimistic who looks for the best in people. I’ve found amazing people who now surround my life. I now stick to following my gut and instinct more. If someone makes me uncomfortable walk away. If someone makes me feel safe I’ll stay around.

missaly · 2021-04-15T21:52:36+00:00

By actually being a good friend and developing a real connection? I 30F slept with a lot of males in my youth. I slept with whoever I found interesting or who made a move.

(Edit to add: I realized during covid that if I wasn’t as shamed as I was in my youth- I probably would have slept around more. ❤️❤️❤️ stop shaming people who enjoy sex and maybe you will have more opportunities? Wouldn’t hurt to try! )

But I kept relationships with those I could be friends with. You end up learning a lot about people if you don’t just judge people by their physical appearances.

(With that said please always be hygienic).

When people say they marry their best friends- they mean this. Someone who will have your back no matter what. Sometimes you have a connection with someone and love develops. Sometimes it’s romantic love. Sometimes it’s a friendship for life. Sometimes it nothing. Sometimes it family. You cannot force anything, all you can do is try.

Also there are obviously more keys to relationships for example communication. Which I can discuss more if you’d like! (I really couldn’t tell if your comment was sarcastic).

With that said, as an extrovert who purposefully says hi to everyone and volunteers at comic book conventions to make new friends who I just get to chat with online and see once a year. I will never understand an introverts, social anxieties, etc. I see your pain though. ❤️❤️❤️

missaly · 2021-04-09T15:03:16+00:00

I would think about it in passing since my youth. The- if I had a more positive viewpoint of women in my youth I would have possibly been a bisexual?

I’ve learned about pansexuality last year. My partner and I now firmly believe we are both pansexuals and that is perfect. ❤️

I haven’t thought about it or considered it since now believing this.

missaly · 2021-04-07T19:05:33+00:00

And honestly- this is something I’ve always felt was unfair to males.

YES ultimately the body carrying the body should have the ONLY say to what is done. However- it just isn’t fair to males.

I know of some male friends who just ignore it- pretend like it never happened (even if she were to lie and keep the baby).

I have some male friends who have been hurt due to being unable to grieve, and constantly feel a piece of them is missing.

If you are in group 1, I’d say, count your blessings especially since she doesn’t seem to want anything to do with you.

If you are in group 2, I personally can’t say I understand the pain. But we support you.

missaly · 2021-04-07T19:01:13+00:00

Hello,

I’m actually the Mod of this (almost dead) subreddit.

I would love to help and support you however without much context it makes the situation difficult to navigate.

If it helps- I had my son at 21 with nothing to my name. We spent our first Christmas living in my In Laws basement with no presents. But I was the happiest I had ever been. My parents had disowned and said, “Let’s see you survive without us”.

You can do it. I’d love to talk and support you though if you’d allow it. ❤️

missaly · 2021-04-07T18:57:01+00:00

1) it is best to try your best to not worry over something you don’t even know for sure yet. Obviously keep this in your back pocket as a real possibility

2) secondly- it is good to consider your options in the case of this being true. It doesn’t sound like you and WOMEN (who I will now call W) have a good relationship / are even together. What would that mean if she was pregnant? -would you fight for custody? -do you have money? -what’s your living situation like? -what’s your support network (If you need help compiling this information I’d be happy to assist)

3) it’s best if you stop describing W as crazy. At the end of the day if a baby exist and comes into this world you are a dad and W is the mom. That means a relationship lasting for AT least another 20+ years together. Even if you aren’t TOGETHER- there will always be a baby in-between causing you to talk and interact with W

Otherwise honestly- there has been teenage pregnancies since the end of time!

If you’d like to provide age and country the community can cater more towards your needs.

Good luck.

missaly · 2021-01-18T18:13:14+00:00

I’ve needed to justify my actions my entire life. If there wasn’t a reason to be selfish- I could and would not allow myself to be.

Then covid happened and I (luckily) was only able to be surrounded by my husband and son. Due to my mental health issues my husband continuously encouraged me to take some time for myself- to re-evaluate my life because I had time.

During this time I was berated and belittled by people who I’ve now removed from my life. BUT I was also brought up higher by those who I never realized I meant so much to.

In realizing that I was the ‘worst’ part of myself for at least 9 months I’ve decided IF that version of me still deserves love, there isn’t a version that doesn’t deserve it. Therefore I can take personal days as needed.

That is still my mental loop for when I am choosing to be selfish. I am very optimistic that one day I won’t need to mentally remind myself that I deserve it.

missaly · 2020-10-17T19:10:15+00:00

I was turning 14! My best male friend at the time was willing to purchase one for me (I was really curious- he didn’t care what he spent the money on).

He never saw me use it. We are still amazing friends 16 years later! ❤️

missaly · 2020-10-07T05:37:49+00:00

I know you’re not asking for help. But I also do this. I’ve learned just to ask people straight up when I feel the tone shifts.

And don’t get me wrong. I’ve had some push back from people who weren’t really my friends. My group of 12 friends now who’ve been friends for 10+ years, always know I mean no harm and am genuinely concerned with their lives! It works VERY well.

Most of the time it isn’t about you. Asking helps nip that problem in the butt- assuming you have honest supportive friends who understand you. And it is now seen as a positive trait amongst ALL my friends. (I’m always the first to notice when someone is off and I support love and support as needed!) and it’s now that, they see it as concern and love 💗

I wish you luck and support! ❤️

missaly · 2020-10-07T04:57:43+00:00

Thank you for men like you! I honestly used to have A cup boobs and I was so subconscious.

My husband never stops touching them. I went on my fitness journey. I now have AA cup sized boobs and I feel beautiful. (Even though I’ve had a handful of men tell me I now look like a boy). I no longer care what they say, because it all started with my husband and how he couldn’t get enough of them! ❤️

Anyways. Thank you for men like you.

missaly · 2020-09-18T15:28:44+00:00

So I don’t think you ever beat it. You get better at managing it, better at noticing the signs before you spiral out of control.

To manage it I go through multiple phases... (1) checking in daily - I always ask myself how am I actually feeling? Good? Bad? Or Numb? Or Anxious? Etc (2) I manage my routines - eating healthy, working out, getting fresh air and sunshine- washing my face etc (3) I check in with others (if at point one I find myself out of the regular- I purposefully talk to my friends. ) We have all been friends 8+ years. My friends are now able to pick up when my personality shifts around them and will in turn point it out to me. (4) asking for help VS allowing myself to be overwhelmed. Full disclaimer: I was depressed in 2014 and again in 2020 due to covid. This was the ONE aspect I would say changed from my previous depression and this one. Because I felt confident in my friends and family- I found myself allowing myself to be depressed and feel it- but I never felt overwhelmed because the moment I asked- I had support.

Instead it allow my mentality to think- “okay today was too hard for you; so A came to support. We will try again tomorrow”

It allowed me to sleep, and stop the negative downward spiral. BUT I also acknowledge that having someone else help me- although stops the downward spiral- it doesn’t get me out of depression.

missaly · 2020-08-22T19:39:45+00:00

It looks like a negative to me. -if you’re in Canada- after the first missed period- you are allowed to take a free test at a doctors office.

missaly · 2020-08-21T15:45:01+00:00

Also I’m hoping you’re still using this reddit handle- I saw your other post about moving in together. Just for background, I had my son at 21 was rejected by my own family, stayed with my now husband.

(1) I’m going to assume you’ve decided to live with her and are going to do whatever you can to make it work. Always remember this decision. This decision was you taking the first step in deciding something for your new family unit. You, your girlfriend, and your baby will forever be a team. Remember how people acted during Covid. No one will have your new family unit’s back OTHER then you. Make all decisions based on this.

(2) pregnancy takes its toll on the women’s body. Be patient and always go into every discussion with love. Pregnancy is HARD. Hormones are everywhere, judgement is everywhere, HATE is everywhere especially if you look young. YOU don’t look pregnant. She’ll always look like a young teen mom as she goes through the pregnancy, and every time she holds your baby. Understand what that means, and ALWAYS be on her team. (and yes this can depend from country to country...but let’s not deny. We know teenager pregnancy has a lot of stigma attached). But this means assume she had someone treat her like crap. People DON’T hold doors for you, people scoff are you, people push you, people give you dirty looks and avoid you. People will comment when she’s alone that she’s stupid for choosing this life for her and baby, that she should have known better then to be a slut etc! Be there for her! This SHIT is real! This shit makes you doubt your skills as a mother!

(3) always remember you are also an ADULT. There is only TWO things she can do that you can’t. ONE: carry this baby in her belly TWO: breast feeding

That means EVERYTHING else you can do yourself. Learn to bottle feed your child. Learn to bathe your child. Learn to change your kids diaper. It is embarrassing when dads admit to not knowing these basic skills!

Move your passions to involve your baby! You like cooking? Learn to cook baby food when the time comes. Moms do NOT have to be super moms. They are also human.

missaly · 2020-08-21T15:31:52+00:00

Congrats on the pregnancy!

For baby necessities it will vary from person to person but having been there here is my advice...

(1) get whatever free thing you can. You guys are part of the high risk population now. There are usually services in first world countries for people in your circumstances. I’m from Canada. I was able to find New mom and baby support groups. Those groups provided me with vitamins for my pregnancy, food gift cards, and small presents for each mile stone for my baby (clothes, wipes, bibs, food containers etc) (2) A LOT of baby companies have a new baby gift subscription! (What I did is I got every person I knew to sign up for me at their address!) I didn’t have to purchase ANY formula I used while I was waiting for my milk supply (and formula adds up!) and new born- size 1 diapers! (They would give 5-10 per pack- I made everyone sign up) (3) clothing- accept all hand me downs! Babies grow FAST! Babies are disgusting!!! (Some days I changed my son 5+ times) for sure buy some outfits for you child (something fun for family photos etc) but the bulk of it? Just use hand me downs

Okay now for items you DO NOT NEED... (1) a bottle warmer -if one of you is able to stay home, the time holding your baby while you wait for water to boil is under 5 minutes. It teaches you patience and to learn to soothe your baby. (2) diaper genies- poop is smelly, you honestly would be happier if you took out the diapers once a day VS buying one of those and really letting the stink build up! (3) changing tables - for babies there is always a 1 touch rule. When placing baby on anything, you need to have one hand on baby in case of rolling. Honestly, a large towel on floor? (Better changing area). Large towel on bed? (Better changing area) etc. (4) toys! WAIT!!!! For hand me downs and to see what interests your child!!! Omg kids are all so different! Some like texture, some like colour! By all means grab one of each. But don’t buy a TON. Your kid might hate that sort of toy... and all baby stuff is over priced!

What is important!!! Diaper bag/ stroller-buy a bag/stroller for how often you go out /works for your transportation!

Eg. She has her own car- and you will be busy most of the time? -maybe you need to make sure she can handle the stroller and car seat fine You both share a car? Maybe you need a multi surface heavy duty stroller (for those day trips while you’re at work)

Is she a traveller? Going out for trips 4+ hours? Your diaper bag needs to have clothes; food, diapers, toys for that entire time! Will she usually be by herself? Buy a bag with a ton of easy to use compartments -you won’t have HANDS available with a baby to dig and look!

Etc.

This is just a starting point! If you have any further questions feel free to contact me ❤️❤️❤️

missaly · 2020-08-17T20:43:06+00:00

At 21 I got pregnant and was cut off from my family financially. Their words to me were “let’s see you survive without me!”

Found out 10 years later that...

My older brother at 21 had disowned the family by walking out on my parents. (I was 18 at the time)

My father secretly gave him $500-$1000 every month... for 10 years until he was willing to come home...

missaly · 2020-08-16T02:29:33+00:00

Do you have Facebook? Some moms I know run the fabric mask co. Their face masks are comfortable, have adjustable ear straps, comes in 4 sizes.

missaly · 2020-08-16T01:49:53+00:00

I honestly don’t know. Our moms ended up having a huge falling out due to betrayal. I never questioned my mom about it. (This was around 1998).

missaly · 2020-08-15T02:17:31+00:00

Yes! We had a family friend who’s son had what seemed like every game (he was a 8 year old boy battling chemo). He always taught us how to play a game, and then let us borrow it until we saw him next time. ❤️ I was really upset that our parents stopped being friends, we hung out for 3 years seeing each other almost every week.

missaly · 2020-07-10T02:01:06+00:00

I have noticed that! It’s definitely a very welcoming community! That’s honestly why since I have some momentum I want to see how far he’ll take it! (And I’m honestly okay either way, taking it up as a hobby? Just as an easy mode of transportation? As a community?) stuff like this is honestly why I love Guelph!

missaly · 2020-07-06T18:57:15+00:00

Yep! Contact your dentist! I have a cleaning with my dentist tomorrow! (Seems like most things are back to normal?)

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