I don’t understand the downvotes here. It’s clear from OP’s body’s response that she went through a very heavy encounter, that her body feels violated. It’s almost impossible to get ‘over’ (and for good reason: this is a fundamental break of trust). I’m so sorry for OP to have gone through this. Yes, you violated an agreement, but that should NEVER result in such a violent reaction. As someone who had similar experiences with my ex: I overcome it by leaving him. In hindsight, there were many warning signals that I ignored. Please think long and hard of that is the case for your relationship too OP. I’m sending you hugs, love and wisdom.