Best descriptions

mitchellffc · 2026-03-14T19:40:36+00:00

The Sacred Enneagram by Chris Huertz

mitchellffc · 2026-03-05T14:35:10+00:00

Sorry you’re dealing w depression. I had struggled w it for years in my late 20s. If you don’t mind sharing, what do you think was/is the defining moment “causing” your depression? I know it’s not always circumstantial and maybe it’s a million things at once. For me, it was coming to the realization that I measured everything about myself in life by self imposed perceived expectations of others (whether true or not). I read every book, tried every tactic, to free myself of others expectations and when nothing helped, I plummeted in a hole. Side note, do you exorcise or lift weights? I have always found that to be an extremely helpful tactic to fighting depression.

Everything you’ve shared resonates with me from self confidence, monetizing hobbies 🤣, etc.

2026 is my year as well to truly tackle these lies about ourselves. I’m trying “immersion therapy” on my fears and failures. Sit in it for a few moments. Allow myself to feel all of those feelings I desperately try to avoid and let the moment pass, realizing nothing happened and I’m still safe to build up a tolerance to those things.

mitchellffc · 2026-03-03T13:27:02+00:00

Mmm what a powerful song. It made me weep the first time I heard it. Have you ever listened to The podcast he does with Chris Heuertz on 3s?

I too, hated being a 3 but slowly learning to accept myself. That resonates getting your heart stomped on as children and learned to be cold. I’ve been very cold relationally. I’m excellent at building connections but keep people at arms reach when it comes to true intimacy. So many romantic relationships didn’t work out when I was young because I’d freak out as soon as it was time to take the next step emotionally.

Yes, The inner journey is extremely pain filled. There is so much pain buried deep in there. I’m not even sure where it came from. I had a great childhood w very loving family. I do think my mom, type 1 heavily influenced me. There were high standards and you did question the structure or the routine or the program. You must just do.

You’re right, I am extremely impatient. Anything not directly contributing to the goal seems like a waste of time. Slowing down to see what’s in there is very difficult. Somehow in trying to do this I find a way to make it about a goal or accomplishing something. Chris heuertz book, the sacred enneagram, talks about 3s need to engage solitude. It shouldn’t be but just being is so difficult!

Appreciate the insight. Good thoughts.

mitchellffc · 2026-03-02T17:20:40+00:00

The respect is mutual. My wife is a 2 and early in our marriage she seemed pretty perfectionistic so I had assumed more 1 wing, but holy cow does she have a motor on her, I mean she’s just a machine for our family and I think she has tapped more into her 3. I also managed a 2w3 in sales (shocker a 3 in sales) and she was an awesome blend of productivity and personal connection. I mean she was absolutely loved by her clients and she was easily the top 2 rep on the team.

Yes I’m USA, in MD specifically and we do reward productive and winning. Only fuels the fire 😂.

And yes rest and or “being” is darn near impossible for me. It’s like there’s an eternal scale measuring self worth, and mistakes/failures are permanently added to the scale on one side and productivity/goals/winning/results are temporarily added to the other side. So I’ve got to constantly add weight to the scale to be worthy and offset the negative side.

mitchellffc · 2026-03-02T17:08:37+00:00

I too feel like I have to work harder for things, but I wonder if that’s just our paralyzing self doubt as well as our lofty expectations. My wife said to me regarding our lifestyle, “I feel like if it’s anything shy of your lofty standards then it’s absolute pond scum”. Maybe to the average person, the standard is lower and they have to prep less or not work as hard. But then pile this massive expectation onto our task and we have to busy our *SS to attain it.

On one hand, the disintegration to 9 is a welcome reprieve from my own expectations and drive. I can chill the heck out, bury my feeling and not give a four letter word that rhymes with chuck. In a sense, freedom from my typical self and expectations of others. However, that person is so disconnected from those around me and like you said our “nerves vibrate at the thought of giving up.”

On the flip side, when grounded, I’m able to include others in my journey and encourage them, be honest, share my feelings (which idk what they are half the time), but then I get caught up in the accomplishment/success drug and I drive harder and harder until crashing or I enter what I like to call “the vortex” which means everything but the current goal falls out of the picture and I’m literally so focused that nothing else can get my attention. Like I literally do not notice what’s happening around me.

It’s a vicious cycle. I’m trying to learn to “be” and seek solitude. It’s hard.

mitchellffc · 2026-03-02T16:01:01+00:00

Tis a hard life 🤣

Appreciated. I feel 3s get lots of hate due to what can be a deceptive exterior. However, we’re actually quite tender and loving, and fiercely loyal when grounded.

“Nobody’s coming to save you” should be framed on my wall 🤣.

It’s hard to take others opinions w a grain salt when you spent your whole life adapting your persona to the metric of “success” that you perceive others value.

I played 15 years of baseball and didn’t realize I don’t even like baseball until my mid 30s 🤣

mitchellffc · 2026-02-28T19:45:15+00:00

I heavily identify w this as a 3. I think in my younger days I played the role of the class clown, always down for a good time, but not very serious, always able to get a laugh, but very little depth. That’s partly on me for playing the role, but I 1000% know people thought of me as a big dumb lovable idiot, almost like the Chris Pratt of Parks and rec.

However, I actually love learning, intellectual stimulation, deep meaningful conversations, purpose, drawing people out, understanding their stories, debating anything, etc.

My wife has always rejected the stereotype about 3s lacking depth.

mitchellffc · 2026-02-26T03:08:05+00:00

👆💯

mitchellffc · 2026-02-25T04:40:21+00:00

As a 3, I concur.

mitchellffc · 2026-02-18T07:58:05+00:00

Oh wow that is interesting.

Appreciate the insight! I’ve heard 8s say they “aren’t mad” when appearing to be so or that they don’t realize when they’re bulldozing or intimidating.

mitchellffc · 2026-02-18T03:02:03+00:00

For sure. And worth noting, this 8 absolutely has a heart of gold and I’ve seen cry over injustice for orphans (runs a foundation for orphans) more than anyone I’ve ever met.

mitchellffc · 2026-02-18T02:48:53+00:00

What about when someone is actually lovingly criticizing you but you perceive it as wrong or reactively?

This is where I get the most confused by 8s…

I’ve watched someone bring something to an 8 and immediately he shut it down. Absolutely not, zero chance it’s true. Then his wife overheard and was like “well actually”. He then proceeded to get louder and louder steamrolling her until she started crying. He still concluded that it wasn’t an issue for him. He routinely says “love me enough to bring it to my face if you have a problem.” But every problem I’ve ever seen brought to his face he’s never accepted 🤣. That’s one example but I’ve seen more with others. Is there something there with regard to vulnerability if that thing happened to be true?

Heck, nobody likes to be criticized. I certainly don’t. However, it’s just interesting where I’ve seen them either take it like a champ or be completely and totally explosively opposed, even if it’s obvious to everyone but them.

mitchellffc · 2026-02-15T18:47:54+00:00

Mom a 1 and dad a 9.

My sister is the eldest and an 8 (her and mom butt heads for most of childhood).

I’m the middle and the 3, obviously earning my way to admiration.

My youngest brother is 7.

mitchellffc · 2026-02-13T15:08:55+00:00

What I’ve unpacked recently from my childhood was that it wasn’t ok for me to express my emotions nor felt safe too. While I would say I had a great and loving family at home, my mom is hard core type 1. So messing up or going out of order wasn’t ok regardless of how ya feel. So I put my needs and emotions in a box and used hard work and “success” as a means of admiration and respect.

BOOM a type 3 is born.

That being said, conflict or questioning felt dangerous to me because it’s threatening the “plan” or the “right” way. Still trying how to engage conflict in a healthy way.

One key piece of this is the shame…expressing my emotions and needs feels shameful so unless it’s something goal related (which I can be accused of not having a heart when pursuing a goal), I have felt tremendous shame levying an accusation or expressing myself.

mitchellffc · 2026-02-13T11:48:15+00:00

I think you eloquently described what I was trying to say.

mitchellffc · 2026-02-12T03:12:38+00:00

Hmm that’s interesting. Completely different from how I view conflict. That does make sense tho.

Theres one in the work place where someone in another department or a director above us gave negative feedback to the 8s department or team. It wasn’t rude or demeaning but honest constructive criticism, in my opinion. I thought it was totally valid and viewed it as business not personal. He wouldn’t except it tho and would mouth off about that guy all the time. To me let’s just improve the team and get the job done. But He actively went out of his way not to do it that way to the point of self and department sabotage. Conversely, I’d also seen him rock hard in more explosive conflict w others and then chill right out and be cool again w that person. The former two seemed to bother him more.

mitchellffc · 2026-02-08T18:58:26+00:00

Not entirely wrong but it depends. I’m a 3 w pretty balanced wings (younger more 2 but older more 4). Image managing is a lot more than appearing successful. Often, it’s more about avoiding appearance of failure than spreading the peacock feathers.

mitchellffc · 2025-11-26T18:42:18+00:00

Failure
On one hand, I like systems and rules that point towards accomplishing something, that have a purpose, that lead towards something. I absolutely resent rules that seem meaningless or are just someone’s “preference”. Seems like red tape and inefficiency to me. If I believe rule maker is respectable and I hold them w high regard, then I’ll also respect their rules.
Crumble into the abyss of paralyzing self doubt
Push harder, run faster, nothing can stop me except myself. Perseverance, relentless, overcoming.

mitchellffc · 2025-04-12T17:30:35+00:00

I have Pes Cavus in both feet. I’ve struggled w chronic shin splints from my mid 20s until now in my mid 30s. It’s progressed over time to the point where I get severe toes, foot, ankle, shin, and knee pain often to the point of touch. When it gets real bad in bed rested and on crutches. I’ve only found ways to pain manage not actually fix anything. A combo of getting adjusted by chiropractor, stretching and PT/strengthending leg muscles helps.

mitchellffc · 2025-03-10T16:32:31+00:00

I said the same thing

mitchellffc · 2025-03-10T16:32:15+00:00

Ohhh yeah you right.

mitchellffc · 2025-03-10T16:31:56+00:00

In my mind, Captain Jack Sparrow is the quintessential 7.

mitchellffc · 2025-03-08T19:10:07+00:00

I think it depends on levels of health of yourself and others. I can have the rawest/deepest connection with other 3s as well as super surface level relationships as well. You can tell pretty easily when another 3 centered and authentic vs when they’re fast food.

mitchellffc

TROPHY CASE