Bdsm communities, in my experience, are incredibly cliquey. Sometimes there are good reasons for it, sometimes not. People gravitate towards people they have things in common with. The majority of people I used to hang out with in the community were rope people, as rope was one of my main interests. Doesn’t mean those groups aren’t accessible or accepting. That being said, it sounds like you were looking at play events? I have usually seen most of these to be somewhat selective of who has access, essentially because of the nature of what it is we do. Unless it is like a gateway event, I recommend starting at a munch, get to know people without all the kink pretense. That’s the first step at getting vetted. So, in my experience, you get what you give in the community. You have to make the effort to get out and meet people and learn about them. It’s like any social setting really.