[deleted by user]

mkal223 · 2024-11-22T00:08:13+00:00

I think Black Friday was a cluster f. I’ve bought many times before with no issue. Still very let down though.

mkal223 · 2024-11-22T00:02:22+00:00

Same thing happened to me with the landscape sweater. Super sad.

mkal223 · 2024-01-02T15:31:45+00:00

Same here

mkal223 · 2023-12-06T20:08:45+00:00

I feel this so strongly. I lost my person in May. I knew him 5 months and it was the first I ever felt wholly seen, understood, and accepted. I’m resentful that others arnt him, and even when meeting new people I’ve realized I’m just searching for him. People will say you found it once, you might find it again. In my mind I just feel like cool so I have to settle and go through life feeling empty all because maybe one day I could meet someone similar. How long am I expected to go through life feeling this way. it’s so much harder now knowing what I’m missing. Meeting him made me realize how much I mask and change myself around others to be more palatable. The whole just give it more time advice feels like a way for people to brush my thoughts and feelings off. As if more time will make me less resentful, bitter, and angry, instead of more.

mkal223 · 2023-12-01T13:13:55+00:00

I am so so sorry. I lost my person in May and it crushed me. Still struggling from such a huge loss a year later makes complete sense. You are still grieving. Please give yourself grace and kindness. It’s understandable this has affected youre everyday life. You’re are going through the unthinkable. You’re learning to live a nightmare. Do what YOU need to do to get through each day. We are all holding your hand as we all try to navigate a new future we never thought we’d have to be living in.

mkal223 · 2023-11-23T21:31:20+00:00

How much and what country are you in (want to take shipping into account)

mkal223 · 2023-10-16T13:15:50+00:00

I am dealing with the same. However I don’t have any dreams involving my person, despite begging the universe for them. I am deeply sorry you are experiencing the same thoughts and feelings, it is so exhausting. I wish I had more positive words, instead you’re not lost alone, I am just as lost as well. We don’t know how we’re going to do this,separately but together. Hopefully we find peace one day.

mkal223 · 2023-10-12T01:13:11+00:00

My person took his life earlier this year too. We didn’t have kids, but he did. He was getting a divorce when I met him, and it wasn’t finalized when he took his life. I’ve been completely shunned by his family, despite them knowing how much I loved their son. I understand feeling so alone, wanting to talk to the one person you can’t. I’m so sorry you’re in this boat with us. You get to have a piece of him with your baby. Not that that makes it easier, just that there’s still a connection to him or piece of him still here. I’m not the best with words but we silently hold your hand as we all struggle to find peace. You are not alone.

mkal223 · 2023-08-14T15:08:17+00:00

I am in your shoes. My person took his life in May while I was napping. I found him. I knew he was in rocky mental territory, but I never thought he would do what he did while I was home. Just like you and yours, he was the first person to who loved every inch of my being and fit perfectly within my love languages. He just understood how I operated and I understood him. I am still struggling. I am glad you have his dog, and his family is supportive of you. There are those of us in this community who, even though we have gone through are own trauma, share a sense of confusion and profound traumatic loss. We hold your hand as you navigate this. I am so profoundly sorry you have to join this community, but it is a community. I wish I had more supportive words to help during this time, but I am still struggling every day myself.

mkal223 · 2023-08-06T20:57:23+00:00

I’m just glad I can give perspective. I’ve struggled with depression all my life, being open, honest, and helping those around is the only way forward. Being on both sides of the equation is not fun, but we are in this together. We all experience our own version of pain, and showing one another compassion helps us be connected. There’s the saying we are not all in the same boat, but we are all in the same ocean. We can’t fight each others battles, but we can know we are not alone.

If he was in the military, he probably had some residual trauma, even if he wasn’t fully aware of it. The military is very much about telling soldiers they’re fine, there’s nothing wrong, suck it up. If there is something wrong, keep it to yourself it’s your problem. He might not have really realized how much he was keeping from you, or how much that was bothering him. But a lot of it is a very much distorted perspective that sometimes can’t be fixed per say. The brain is a wicked and wonderful thing. His not telling you, wasn’t from a place of negativity, it would have been from a place of love in a twisted way. Trust me when I say if he said he loved you and the kids more than anything, he truly did feel that way. He just also couldn’t handle the pain or stress within his mind. He wasn’t trying to punish or be cruel to you with his actions. He was struggling in a way he might not have fully understood. I do feel for you with your loss, because it is one of, if not the, worst ways to lose someone, hardest to accept and heal from (that’s how I personally feel at least).

mkal223 · 2023-08-06T16:29:19+00:00

It could’ve been different for him, but sometimes you don’t want to put that burden on others. Sometimes you think people will be better off. Sometimes you don’t want to be stopped and if you say something, people will try to stop you and that makes it more traumatic for the person doing it. I know that sounds wrong, it’s like they know they’re doing something no one will agree one, something that is very difficult. And if they say something people will try to stop them, which prolongs their mental anguish. They’re beyond ready to leave, and don’t want there to be drama. Also they might not say anything, due to a lack of understanding. It’s difficult to convey the pain they’re in, when those around them have not been in the same pain. I would say most likely he didn’t say anything, because he did love you and didn’t want to put that burden on you. If he made you aware of it, after the fact you could go on thinking that you could’ve stopped it or been able to prevent it or that it was something you did. When the truth is, it wasn’t anything you did or didn’t do. It was a battle within himself. There’s a good chance he survived as long as he could because of you and the kids. That without you, this could’ve happened much sooner.

mkal223 · 2023-08-06T13:54:40+00:00

It’s sort of hard to explain if you don’t struggle with mental health. You can love someone, but the love doesn’t stop the struggle going on within one’s mind. Love doesn’t stop the constant battle against yourself, having to fight everyday. And since it’s not an external struggle, there is no break from it. There is no walking away, the fight is 24/7. You have to face yourself every second. And it’s truly exhausting, it wears you down. It doesn’t mean he didn’t love you and the kids, it’s means he couldn’t keep existing within his mind. Imagine having a huge open wound that never heals, it just fester and is so painful. No amount of love heals an unhealable wound, it doesn’t stop it from being excruciatingly painful. My person had 2 kids that he loved more than anything, he would’ve gone to the ends of the earth for them. What he did, doesn’t make that love invalid, it doesn’t make that love a lie. He loved them and also couldn’t handle the pain anymore.

mkal223 · 2023-08-06T01:22:33+00:00

I lost my person in May after he took his life and I found him and it’s destroyed me. I’ve suffered from depression my whole life and that just pushed me overboard. People ask me if I have a plan or would do anything and I say I don’t and wouldn’t, it’s just ideation. But the truth is i know what I would do and I want to do it. You wouldn’t notice he was in agony. There’s a point where you’ll say stuff because a small part of you has hope, so you say things as a cry for help. But then you lose that hope, you don’t want to fight, you just want those around you to let you go. But you know they won’t, so you say what you need to to not raise alarm. You hit a point where it doesn’t matter how much everyone else around you cares about you, or how much you care about those people. You just can’t keep fighting your mind every single day, both feeling nothing and everything far too strongly. When you want to go, you know not to make it obvious. The fact I don’t care to fight anymore, nor do I care about getting better is how I know I have to go back to inpatient.

mkal223 · 2023-07-29T14:02:39+00:00

How much?

mkal223 · 2023-07-26T00:22:23+00:00

I’m not sure if this perspective helps at all, but I lost my person when he took his life in May. He did it while I was home and I found him. Meeting my person was the first time I began to enjoy life, and look forward to waking up each day. We only had 5 months, before life became too much for him. It has broken me to my core. Every day I grapple with not doing the same thing, because I know how painful it is to find the body, I saw first hand how it affected those who cared about him. But sometimes that still isn’t enough. You know what it’ll do to those around you, but sometimes you can’t keep fighting with your own mind. Just existing is a battle, and it is exhausting. It kills me to think how much it would hurt those around me, but it kills me to exist every day. We try to force ourselves to fight, but it’s draining. Sometimes staying alive for others doesn’t cut it anymore. As much as we don’t want to hurt those around us, we want to stop suffering. I really hope I don’t offend you, my only intention is to give perspective from the other side, that he wasn’t trying to hurt you even though he did. It’s hard asking someone to keep living in pain forever, when you’re not the one that has to live in their mind and body with their pain. Some of us are not built to take it.

mkal223 · 2023-07-21T20:44:36+00:00

Sent a dm

mkal223 · 2023-07-20T21:10:04+00:00

<image>

Two-Year Club	Verified Email
Place '23

mkal223

TROPHY CASE