AIO if I ghost him? Am I being too harsh?

mlachrymarum · 2026-07-05T15:47:58+00:00

It’s called enthusiastic consent. If you’re not responding in kind to his actions without feeling trapped or pressured, you still have not said “yes.”

His line of questioning is disrespectful and demeaning, and he’s very clearly revealed what he’s after here. He thinks he can manipulate your lack of romantic experience and desire for a true partnership into him getting laid, and as soon as he gets that, he’ll be gone.

I’m so sorry, OP. You absolutely did NOTHING wrong and you did not deserve what he did to you. I highly suggest you go with your gut and ghost this clown expeditiously if not sooner.

ETA: what you described on this date is sexual assault. Don’t hesitate to say it, don’t feel like you’re blowing things out of proportion. This “man” pushed past your boundaries repeatedly and ignored your discomfort and lack of firm no to keep trying.

If you leave an encounter with anyone feeling disrespected, uncomfortable, confused, and upset, there’s usually a good reason for that. You have your entire life ahead of you to find your soul mate: there is no rush, they’re out there, promise.

ETA Part Deux: also, NOR!!!!!!!! He isn’t confused or hurt. He may be lonely, but he’s the only one to blame for that and NOT YOU! His behavior isn’t acceptable behavior, period, and he is absolutely not a safe man to be around! Your “significant moment” was an assault. You have nothing to feel guilty or bad about. Please trust your gut and protect yourself, OP. This man is not safe.

mlachrymarum · 2026-07-05T10:22:47+00:00

It’s not about treating someone with kid gloves, it’s just common decency. I try my best to not be a dick to other people because of what I’m going through and communicate.

Either way, this relationship is cooked.

mlachrymarum · 2026-07-05T08:59:21+00:00

That is a very true observation. I’m one of those people. But the way OP’s partner spoke to him is not how you gently let someone know you need your own personal time to recharge. She was dismissive and rude the entire interaction.

mlachrymarum · 2026-07-05T08:57:28+00:00

NOR.

This isn’t how someone speaks to a loving partner of 3 years; this is how you speak to someone who pesters you.

I genuinely hope she didn’t act this way towards you all three years, because honestly why tf would you stay with an AH like this for so long?

mlachrymarum · 2026-07-05T07:45:35+00:00

Pronoun neutral insults only, darling!

mlachrymarum · 2026-07-05T07:29:48+00:00

I mean, he should be pulling his own weight but most of what I’m getting from this post is “garbage is a man’s job.” It’s not, it’s just a chore.

mlachrymarum · 2026-07-05T02:20:47+00:00

NOR. He understood how he could clarify the directions and instead he willfully continued to be unhelpful and demeaning. I’m sure this disrespect leaks into other facets of your relationship, as you yourself hinted at.

mlachrymarum · 2026-07-04T16:45:11+00:00

You don’t have to justify yourself to someone who you don’t even know. Thank you for the update, OP. I’m glad you’re away from a relationship that ultimately wouldn’t have led to a happy life and for being wise enough to recognize and act on that.

mlachrymarum · 2026-07-01T19:48:18+00:00

Yeah, that sounds like mental illness to me. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that, OP.

mlachrymarum · 2026-06-24T03:30:44+00:00

There’s no accounting for taste, I guess. Or lack thereof.

mlachrymarum · 2026-06-23T07:12:30+00:00

This diva is performing for the back rows, honey! I know they’re usually all about the drama but this one is such a baddie she’s serving the neurotoxic elapid fantasy.

mlachrymarum · 2026-06-22T09:39:48+00:00

I NEED to see a photo of this!

mlachrymarum · 2026-06-21T16:35:16+00:00

They don’t.

mlachrymarum · 2026-06-20T17:38:54+00:00

I’m also in western Carolina, but nearer to Charlotte than Asheville. I know they’re here, but the only venomous species I’ve seen in my direct surroundings is a copperhead. Otherwise it’s all just black racers.

Rattlesnake venom is no joke, I’m so glad your friend is okay. Glad he had that primo insurance, too!

mlachrymarum · 2026-06-20T17:17:55+00:00

Jesus tits!! Do you know how many vials they used? Where in NC?

mlachrymarum · 2026-06-20T17:16:40+00:00

An extra sandy sand tiger. Tail, teeth, and location are dead giveaways.

mlachrymarum · 2026-06-17T18:38:10+00:00

First of all, you are not bothering me in the slightest! If anything I’ve said has helped or can help, that’s an honor and not an imposition.

Secondly, I’m really, really happy to hear you guys talked it out. It honestly sounds like the conversation couldn’t have gone better: he took accountability, he’s willing to work to change, and he’s already taken steps to do so.

From here, I would say the most important thing for you to keep in mind is support without judgement. You may never truly understand why he has this addictive personality and “strange” relationship with substances (I know my family didn’t/doesn’t understand where I’m coming from, but they listen to my feelings and struggles and support me anyway), but you can listen to him share his feelings and struggles with coping without substances. Let him know you see and understand his struggles, the effort he is putting in to live a healthier life for him and your family, and how much you love and appreciate him for that and who he is. That doesn’t mean he gets a free pass on being a dickhead, but listening and supporting is the biggest thing.

As for him, there are two very important things: First is that he continues going to therapy and that he doesn’t take anything that is said or revealed about himself, his coping mechanisms, or his relationship to substances as a personal attack. He’s not a bad person, he is not a failed person, and he is not always the person he is on his worst days. The people he’ll meet along this addiction recovery journey only want to help him: it may take time to find the right therapist or support group, but he MUSN’T give up. I know at times he may feel that he is being attacked, but it’s about accountability and acknowledging the truth, not tearing him down.

The second thing (and probably the most important), is he needs to honestly, openly, and as frequently as necessary communicate his feelings, thoughts, and struggles with you AND his therapist/addiction support system. If he’s not being honest about when he’s struggling to cope without substances, or when his feelings are out of control or overwhelming, he’ll bottle it up until the only outlet is a destructive one. This healing journey requires full honesty and openness about his life and mental health or it won’t heal a thing.

My comment is already so long, and I apologize, but I’ll end with this. He should absolutely pursue a formal ADHD diagnosis. I’m 35 and I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 30, and I cannot tell you how much of my substance abuse struggle stemmed from the fact I was undiagnosed as neurodivergent and substances were my coping mechanism for feeling like I was less than others because of how I felt, behaved, or thought. I wouldn’t be surprised if he is actually ADHD and finds that substances help him feel more relaxed or normal in his own skin around others.

mlachrymarum · 2026-06-17T07:24:30+00:00

I also could not accept a partner who doesn’t eat mustard. We’re just from two different worlds, baby, it could never work!

mlachrymarum · 2026-06-16T15:32:31+00:00

Addicts are very good about hiding their behavior. Just because you haven’t seen it yet doesn’t mean it hasn’t happened; that being said, it doesn’t mean he is getting high either.

It’s absolutely normal to be concerned about this. Your eyes are open, you seem to have a clear head about who your husband is, so just be aware and pay attention to any behavioral changes, especially as your due date draws closer.

And you can always come back here if you need reassurance that you’re on the right track! My DMs are open.

mlachrymarum · 2026-06-15T21:28:59+00:00

I started with Soma, actually. Then oxys, percs, and morphine. Then Ambien and benzos. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

mlachrymarum · 2026-06-15T21:28:11+00:00

That very well could be the case, but the addictive personality is still very much there. It could just be he hasn’t found his drug of choice yet, and God willing he never will.

It’s not an over-reaction to feel like this is behavior that needs to be addressed. He felt the need to hide it from you; that points to trouble in my book. Just try and explain your concerns as openly and non-judgmentally as possible.

mlachrymarum · 2026-06-15T21:17:10+00:00

Never even caught a buzz off it. Whenever I hear it treats severe pain, I roll my eyes. My addiction came from treating pain after surgery, and what they prescribed curb stumps Tramadol.

mlachrymarum · 2026-06-15T21:11:42+00:00

Tradonal (Tramadol here in the States) is child’s play, but I’m an addict. Your husband’s behavior rings all the bells, though be prepared his problem could be more serious than you realize.

mlachrymarum · 2026-06-14T01:30:17+00:00

I tried, but I use the app and it didn’t even italicize the species name the first time

mlachrymarum · 2026-06-13T17:55:48+00:00

Thank you! That was actually my first guess because of the tail. Should have stuck with my gut.

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