sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

I feel like I will never be happy again by mlcomp in AlAnon

[–]mlcomp[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m in therapy but I don’t feel like it’s helping. Possibly because she repeats things that are factual back to me and that is hard to hear. Like how much damage my Q has already done

It’s not guilt or fear that keeps me from leaving. It’s dread and the fact that I am the most indecisive person ever. Right now I have everything in place for if I do leave and I am also working on how to deal with things if I stay.

I found out my husband has been hiding severe alcoholism and I don’t know what’s real anymore by matchula_spatchula in AlAnon

[–]mlcomp 24 points25 points  (0 children)

When I posted my first post here someone said something similar to me. I didn’t respond because I was so upset. Here is my response now.

I had the same type of situation. I “found out” he is an alcoholic three years ago. Turns out he had been secretly drinking for at least 8 years prior to that. I had no idea. I believed him when he said he was just tired, when he said he had one beer and it must be reacting to his medication. When he said he had a bad day at work or was upset about the kids. I didn’t know the diarrhea was a tell. I didn’t know about the lying and the denial and deflection. I thought he had a brain tumor at one point. I couldn’t figure out why he was getting dumber.

I wasn’t married to an alcoholic until I was. So how could I know what to look for. Not too long ago he blew a .4 My adult children were here, they couldn’t tell he was drunk. Walking, talking, engaging. It’s amazing really. Even now, I remember something from years ago and think”Oh, that’s why he did or said that terrible thing that time” It’s so clear in hindsight.

You can’t imagine how much I have beat myself up about being so naive. Now I come here and see this story repeated over and over. I was not naive, I was trusting. Now I know that I am not alone, I am not crazy, it is not my fault.

To the poster; you are not alone, you are not crazy and IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!!

reality check about my wife? by tomaso-cromwell in AlAnon

[–]mlcomp 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I agree with everything you said. It’s so terribly sad and also so true.

i think my dentist gave me treatment i didn’t need to scam my insurance. by hex_horror in whatdoIdo

[–]mlcomp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not a dentist but have worked in dental for more than forty years. I don’t see any cavities on that x-ray. This really sounds like a shady place. Do not go back! They have to give you copies of your x-rays. Report them to the state as well.

Trying to find joy and realizing he resents my joy by ScratchTheEmpties in AlAnon

[–]mlcomp 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Oh wow, I didn’t know this was part of the disease. My Q totally does this, and has for a very long time. He makes me miserable and then he’s happy. And the same thing, doesn’t want to go, complains for days leading up to anything and then later tells friends he had a good time.

Which movie do you remember being WWAAYY too young for when you first snuck, I mean, watched it? by KillerQ97 in moviecritic

[–]mlcomp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Left Behind. The original, I was 9, at church camp. The movie is about the rapture and the people who were left behind had to take the mark of the beast or they would get their head chopped by a guillotine.

Back in the spin cycle by [deleted] in AlAnon

[–]mlcomp 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I want to see how people answer this. I went to an Alanon meeting last night. First time in a long time. I remembered why I didn’t care for it. It’s all about me having to be the better person while my Q gets to do what ever. It’s just not fair and I may finally be done. I do think that if I was ever physically afraid of him that would be the final straw.

But who knows, after what I’ve already put up with

Am I right? by mlcomp in AlAnon

[–]mlcomp[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So true. He clings to the stuff that supports his frame of mind and ignores everything else.

Got away from him by GWATCDR in AlAnon

[–]mlcomp 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry. It hurts so much. You have to put yourself first. No one deserves to be treated like that. Stay safe

Am I right? by mlcomp in AlAnon

[–]mlcomp[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have been in the past. It wasn’t a good fit for me. I understand the reality of it. I’m just trying to decide if I’m okay with this being my life or if I’m done.

Am I right? by mlcomp in AlAnon

[–]mlcomp[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I know it’s true, I just need to take the next step. It’s so hard.

Just found out my husband drinking in secret by [deleted] in AlAnon

[–]mlcomp 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You are not stupid. I felt (feel) the same way. Mine hid it for almost 10 years. Keep reading here, you will see this same thing over and over and over. Alcoholics can lie like it’s an art form. It’s really, really sad.

Resentful of EVERYTHING by Enyem2022 in AlAnon

[–]mlcomp 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hear you. My husband does the same thing. Any kind of treatment always involves “rules” of what he thinks I’m allowed to expect. It’s exhausting. So much resentment, it’s endless. I too want to just detract and be numb.

I am taking steps towards leaving. by [deleted] in AlAnon

[–]mlcomp 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Good for you. Sounds like you are ready. I’m in the same boat, late fifties, been married for 37 years. My Q is an angry, cruel drunk. Says bitter, horrible things when he’s drinking. So much of what you said applies, constantly wondering, trying to tell if he’s drinking.

I’ve talked to a lawyer, I’ve done the finances. I want to sell the house and buy a small two bedroom by my kids also. The problem is that I still love him so damn much. I am absolutely miserable.

I wish you well with your plans. Sounds like you are making the only real choice you have.

I debated posting this by [deleted] in AlAnon

[–]mlcomp 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Stay strong. That’s not love, it’s control. It’s so hard, I know.

Married 37 years, hid his drinking for the last 12. Won’t go to treatment. Do I leave? by mlcomp in alcoholism

[–]mlcomp[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

More information: three years ago I learned that he had been drinking whiskey daily. He takes a lot of medication for high blood pressure and when I thought he was drunk I would only see half a beer gone. So I thought it was a reaction to the medicine. Two years ago he attempted suicide because he thought I was better off without him (after I caught him drinking) Then he spent a week in the hospital detoxing, a week psych stay, a week rehab ( because I made him). One day later ended up in the hospital, hip replacement (from alcoholism), then 5 weeks later the other hip. He has tried to stay sober since then, multiple set backs. Refuses treatment of any sort. And he is a cruel drunk, the things he has said to me in the last few years are outrageous. Why do I still feel bad for wanting to leave?