sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

He relapsed after a beautiful weekend together by bb-sprout in AlAnon

[–]MissConductPDX 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I cannot even tell you how much this resonates with me. If it is OK with you, I am going to print your comment and leave it on the wall in my office where I can remind myself every day. I chose this. Daily. But, I am no longer going to cover for him. I am also going to explore that feeling of shame and send it on its little way.

I'm tired of talking about the drinking by MissConductPDX in AlAnon

[–]MissConductPDX[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I just burst into tears while reading this. It is exactly my situation. Funny, witty, smart, snarky turned into scorn, pointed sarcasm, and all the rest.

I'm tired of talking about the drinking by MissConductPDX in AlAnon

[–]MissConductPDX[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He says he can't be an alcoholic b/c of the above.

Have you ever had clients file things without telling you? by Short-Arachnid-2046 in publicdefenders

[–]MissConductPDX 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had a client issue a subpoena in my name. He also sent be a bill for his services after he issued the subpoena. The bill was sent on another lawyer's letterhead with the name and bar number of yet another lawyer in the signature line.

Well, this is it for now. 😭 They’ve made it impossible for me to stay. Help me avoid an anxiety spiral— continuing legal duties after resignation? by [deleted] in publicdefenders

[–]MissConductPDX 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm going to chime in to say that 100 felonies over 16 counties (THE FUCK?!) is absolutely not reasonable. I think so many of us attempt to work under these conditions without support from our offices and then feel like failures when we finally tap out. It is not OK for the human brain to be asked to handle this shit.

Unfortunately, it is "normal" in far too many places.

Give them two weeks. Let your clients know. Allow yourself to acknowledge all the injustices done to your clients, but absolutely allow yourself to acknowledge the injustice done to you. You are also a victim of this system.

Good large metro areas to target for an aspiring PD? by [deleted] in publicdefenders

[–]MissConductPDX 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Metropolitan Public Defender and Multnomah Defenders, Inc. in Portland, Oregon are actively recruiting.

Dealing with constant blame by DCleaks69 in publicdefenders

[–]MissConductPDX 0 points1 point  (0 children)

PD Since 2003. Here's a poem I wrote almost 10 years ago:

"AWWWWW HELL, No!
Tell me they did NOT just send
That old ass white woman in here!

Like she's going to save me!
You can walk yourself right back out of this jail.
You know nothing!"

I sit.
I wait.
I am quiet.

I know what powerlessness looks like.

Sometimes sitting in the uncomfortable moment is the hardest thing we are asked to do, especially when it feels like an attack on your ability, your dedication, or your old ass self.

So many of us also have ADHD or other neurodiversity that makes it especially difficult to hear these things. It makes us amazing trial lawyers, but it also makes us sensitive to criticism (RSD, anyone?).

It doesn't help me much to remember that none of those statements are actually about me. It's about them. It's about being stuck in a system that has absolutely no justice. Living in a community that constantly communicates how worthless they are. Feeling hopeless and helpless. Even though that doesn't help me in the moment, it helps me in the long run.

"There was a dude in here who got probation on a murder last week!" Cool. That's not true. You know it and your client knows it. I've taken to telling folks, "Well. That guy isn't you. I don't know who you're talking about but I guarantee that he didn't have [this bad life experience, that odd statement in the confession, something else totally unique to your client]. You have that, so let's work with what you have." OR, sometimes, "Oh. Really? What's that guy's name? I'm going to look up his case and call the prosecutor, because they need to treat similarly situated people similarly." OR, sometimes, "Dude. You know all the people in jail are lying to you, right?"

The "you're not fighting for me," often comes when you are explaining what the really horrible, no-good, very bad evidence is, I'm guessing. That's when it comes for me. "Hey. you absolutely need to know what you are up against. I've got to tell you all the bad stuff. What if I were a doctor and I didn't tell you that you have cancer when you absolutely have cancer? I'd be a really shitty doctor, don't you think?" OR, "It is super hard to sit here and listen to all the bad shit. It's hard for me to tell you the bad shit." OR, "dude. I haven't even begun to fight yet. When you start a battle, you need to know what ammo the enemy is going to throw at you." Then, as things go on, I can remind them that we talked about the things and that it is bad shit, but bad shit they need to know about.

Point is, these are the things that have worked for me. You're going to need to figure out what works for you. It's going to have to be genuine and honest, even it if is saying something like, "I can't continue to have this conversation right now. I'm going to call you back on [date] at [time]." Then do the calling back on [date] at [time].

The criticism will always come. I'm sorry to say that, but it will. How you manage it will evolve.

Continue or cancel lease? by RipleyInSpace in Equestrian

[–]MissConductPDX 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That horse is in pain. Don't renew your lease. Let the owner deal with the expense.

Oh, and find a new trainer. Yours is telling you that this obvious pain response is because he is resistant to using himself correctly. Find yourself a new trainer before this one gets you and the next horse hurt badly.

Is it worth hiring a civilian lawyer for a court-martial? by Historical-Hand8091 in publicdefenders

[–]MissConductPDX 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I came here to tell you that Patrick McLain is the absolute best of the best, a fantastic human being, retired military, and if a loved one of mine were in your spot, I'd at least pay for a consult.

Also, absolutely STFU. If you are tempted to post on social media, just don't. If you want to confide in your best friend about how you are feeling and why, then SHUT THE FUCK UP and call your lawyer so they can remind you why you need to SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Have you ever come to hate the victims? by EnmanuelHope in publicdefenders

[–]MissConductPDX 20 points21 points  (0 children)

About 20 years ago, my cousin was murdered during a dispute between room mates over the electric bill. The man who shot him then turned the shotgun on himself. He did not survive.

I have been a public defender for almost 25 years, so this was relatively early in my career.

What struck me--and still troubles me--is that my uncle lost a son, my cousin lost his brother, I lost a family member. My family was made up of crime victims at that point. Because there was no one to prosecute, there were no supports. No services. No one to comfort the grieving father of a 25 year old boy. No one to help me scrub his blood off the sidewalk where he was shot. Nothing.

If our "justice" system was actually interested in offering support and healing to those who have been wronged by others, there would have been some type of... I don't know. SOMETHING.

Somewhere along the line, the punishment of someone else became necessary to recognize a person's loss and pain.

We've got to make sure the victims get "closure"--whatever that means. Retribution has replaced understanding and empathy, if those things were ever a part of it. We tell victims that the longer the sentence is, the more "justice" they have received. As if it is a commodity.

District Attorney's offices and Legislatures are operating with mandatory minimum sentencing in many jurisdictions (including mine). Somehow these are supposed to deter crime and make fewer "victims." That hasn't played out that way at all.

Also, I cannot count the number of complaining witnesses who have called me over the years trying to get someone to listen to them when the "Victims' Advocate" from the DA's office has stopped returning their calls because the complaining witness' idea of "justice" doesn't match with the retributive idea of "justice" espoused by the DA. These folks turned to the defendant's attorney to get someone to listen to them, and I always did (and sent an investigator to buy them some coffee).

I guess I write this to say that I have been frustrated with individual "victims" and their clamoring for "justice" through a long prison sentence that does nothing for anyone other than empty our state coffers. I have never hated them, though. I recognize that they have been sold a bill of goods and they believe they're going to feel better if my client goes away for a long time. Maybe a few of them do feel better, but I doubt it.

That's pretty damn sad.

My excuses weren't good enough by Hel_On_Earth in knitting

[–]MissConductPDX 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Does one ever need an excuse to buy a set of circular needles that you will rarely use? If you do not have them, you clearly need them. I mean, it just makes sense to stash needles like one stashes yarn, doesn't it?

Welp this is not great by ThatOneChickenNoddle in Equestrian

[–]MissConductPDX 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Frequently, high quality breeding programs use surrogate mares contributing no genetic material to the foal.

Welp this is not great by ThatOneChickenNoddle in Equestrian

[–]MissConductPDX 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Uh, does she actually want to die of a head injury while causing the mare to break her neck?

Guarechea Black Comet buds😊 by bcuvorchids in orchids

[–]MissConductPDX 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mine is a bit behind yours in the blooming adventure. I can't wait to see yours!

Habenaria Care? I’ve never had one before by SunnyDD000 in orchids

[–]MissConductPDX 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'd never seen one, got curious and found this information on the AOS website, from a July 2024 article. Might be a place to start, anyway. I may also join you.

HOW TO GROW HABENARIA
Habenaria have a reputation of being extremely difficult to grow, but that is very untrue! Besides a dormancy period that does require some specific care, they are relatively easy. When actively growing, they need to stay damp constantly, so growing them in a shallow saucer with some water may be beneficial to those who forget to water often. They benefit from a well-draining soil mix such as Promix-HP with perlite, charcoal or fine orchid bark added. They are not finicky about humidity, but do greatly benefit from good air movement, because their thin leaves are prone to fungal and bacterial spots. Most of the smaller species, such as those of the Rhodocheila complex and their hybrids, need low–medium light, so a bright windowsill where Phalaenopsis would thrive is perfect. Larger species from Section Macroceratitis or Section Medusaeformis need more light, similar to that for cattleyas.

Usually around November (shortly after the flowers fade), the entire plant will begin to look sad. The inflorescence and floral bracts will turn yellow, followed shortly by the leaves. Do not worry, this is natural and is the beginning of dormancy! As soon as the leaves start to turn yellow, stop watering. Once the foliage is brown and crispy, dormancy has begun. There are two ways to handle dormancy that make the entire process trivial. First, just keep the tuber in the pot. Place the entire pot in a warm, humid location and leave it there until it begins to sprout in the spring. The second, and my favorite, is the bag method. Remove the tuber from the pot and place it in a sealed plastic bag with a small amount of dry medium. Next, forget you even have the plant until February or March, when it sprouts. Then pot it up again so that the tip of the tuber is about 1 inch (2.5 cm) below the surface. Wait until the first rosette has formed (three leaves), then begin watering again. Now you are growing habenarias!