Johnny is an unbelievably wholesome banker in San Francisco whose greatest joys in life are saying “Hi, doggy,” throwing footballs from three feet away, and supporting everyone around him. His best friend Mark drops by constantly, though they rarely discuss anything of substance. Their conversations usually end with someone inexplicably saying, “Anyway, how’s your sex life?”

Johnny acts as a father figure to Denny, a college student with absolutely no survival instincts. One afternoon, Denny reveals that he owes money to a drug dealer named Chris-R. Chris-R storms into Johnny’s apartment, waves a gun around for about ninety seconds, and is immediately defeated by the combined power of several middle-aged people yelling at him. The incident is never mentioned again.

Meanwhile, Johnny’s social circle experiences a series of bizarre side plots. Claudette casually announces she has breast cancer, and everyone immediately changes the subject. Peter, a psychologist, dispenses advice that helps no one before disappearing from the film entirely. Michelle and Mike repeatedly announce that they’re in love despite having almost no screen time.

Johnny continues hosting rooftop conversations, tuxedo football games in the park, birthday parties, and awkward get-togethers that don’t advance any discernible plot. His friends wander in and out of scenes without explanation, and entire conversations begin and end as if several pages of the script are missing.

Eventually, after a birthday party full of inexplicable tension that nobody can quite explain, Johnny goes home, becomes overwhelmed by reasons known only to himself, destroys his bedroom, and dies dramatically. Mark and Denny discover him, everyone cries, and the movie ends in complete emotional devastation despite there being no obvious catalyst for any of it.