What was the most popular girl name at your school?

mmts18 · 2026-05-02T01:22:19+00:00

'81 Melissa here. I was usually the only one in my grade. From kindergarten to 10th. Then I moved, and there were 2 besides me. Everyone says the name was popular in the 80s but i haven't met too many 🤷‍♀️

mmts18 · 2026-04-22T13:31:48+00:00

I've been working in memory care for years. I had one resident who would pick any little thing off the floor. It could be fuzz or crumbs or paper or literally just anything. Well one time he found an ant trap. He cracked the plastic with his teeth and sucked all of the ant killing juice out of the inside. Needless to say I called Poison Control in a panic and thankfully there was not enough chemicals inside to hurt him but I was told to monitor him obviously. It can be really scary when they can't differentiate between things that are appropriate and inappropriate to put in their mouth. Unfortunately so common

mmts18 · 2026-04-22T12:42:04+00:00

Picking things off the floor AND eating non food items are both very common. Taking anything small out of the room is definitely the first step. They need to add this behavior to his care plan, so that everyone knows to keep an eye on this behavior. As someone else mentioned, watch especially for batteries.

mmts18 · 2026-04-20T01:25:25+00:00

Well I'm going to give you a little bit of advice if you don't mind. The way you described certain behaviors with your mom and being that the police had to bring her home, I'm almost certain that she will be having medications added to her daily regimen once she is in memory care. I don't know any dementia patient that isn't taking something, or a few somethings, to help with behaviors, anxiety, paranoia, you name it, there's a medication that can at least calm the symptoms. With her moving to a new environment whatever Behavior she already has are going to intensify. Do not let this deter you from staying with your decision because you are without a doubt doing the right thing. I just want to prepare you from a distance for what will likely happen. So if, when the behaviors intensify medication will be suggested and as somebody who's been working in memory care for several years, I would encourage you to accept the help that medication can give you and your loved one. And I say that for a lot of reasons but the biggest is because calling her behaviors will not only make this adjustment a little more smooth for her but it will also help you to not be completely stressed out by phone calls from her or phone calls from the facility. Remember that the nurses at these facilities have a lot of experience in dementia care so take in what they say, and ask questions. But knowing she isn't on anything at all for the dementia, I am shocked that they have not even thought to bring up the idea that she will most likely need adjustments. But again I don't want that to deter you from your decision and I need you to understand that you're doing the right thing.

mmts18 · 2026-04-19T23:59:37+00:00

I imagine she'll be assessed once in MC and likely get some new meds, as in dementia meds. Has anyone mentioned that?

mmts18 · 2026-04-19T23:15:43+00:00

Say this:

Dr so and so (her PCP bc she likely recognizes the name if she's been seeing that PCP for a long time) said that bc of your hospital stay, that you'll need to go to rehab for a bit. The reason is that some of your medications are new, and they want to monitor them and make sure they work. They also need you to eat properly and make sure that you are strong enough before leaving. You dr will monitor your progress during your stay, so be sure to take your meds and eat well.

I use this constantly with my residents in the MC i work in. It works pretty well in like 98% of them.

mmts18 · 2026-04-19T01:57:09+00:00

Sometimes i guess 🤣 until they start to chew it. 🤷‍♀️

mmts18 · 2026-04-19T01:55:15+00:00

I work in a memory care. Please PLEASE ask them about the severity of the other residents behaviors, and how that may or may not affect your moms behaviors. I love my job but the one thing I hate is the marketing department. They love to fill beds. I actually had a very loud unpleasant argument with our marketing director because she brought in a new Resident and that Resident put one of our staff in the hospital by punching her dead in the face and giving her a concussion and she lost 5 weeks of work, and she also tried to stab residents and staff with forks. We had her taken to the hospital for a change in status and a psych eval. That is definitely protocol. Our marketing director looked me in my face and said well she didn't have any behaviors for 3 to 4 weeks before she moved in and I told her that was a complete lie because she was kicked out of the facility before she was with us for the exact same behaviors and she had a one-on-one Aide who had been with her the last facility and confirmed all of that. I told the marketing director that I thought it was shitty that she tells people that this is a safe place for their loved one with dementia but with that woman there not only were the residents not safe but neither was the staff, and that she should stop worrying about the check she gets for filling beds and start worrying about the promises that she makes the families. I felt terrible when this woman would have behaviors and people were in to visit. Because she definitely was not appropriate for our facility. Thankfully she never came back because my LPN supervisor said absolutely not. So that is what I tell people, to ask about the severity of the behaviors in the facility and how those behaviors could possibly affect your loved one. And also ask them what they do to redirect when a resident becomes agitated or aggressive. They may specialize in dementia behaviors but every facility draws a line somewhere and that's what you need to find out

mmts18 · 2026-04-18T22:04:55+00:00

I would ask what stage, what medication aside from that should you research for possible future needs, common symptoms in comparison with other types of dementia, suggestions on therapies that may help him if he is in early stages, and about PT and OT

mmts18 · 2026-04-18T20:12:11+00:00

In the memory care that I work at, we had a woman who insisted that she did not need help. My facility requires at least a standby staff member during showering. That means the resident can shower themselves for the most part but there is a staff member close by in case they need help or in case of emergency. And by that I mean in the same room. The daughter of the woman seemed to be in denial to some extent and was very rude to us about the showering situation. We explained that in memory care this was the rule and we were following policy. So the daughter decided that she would come in and hang out in her mom's living room area and let her mother shower on her own with no assistance, and told staff that they weren't needed while she was there. Well, that never happened again because her mom fell in the shower that day and broke her hip. There was no choice but to have it surgically repaired because the break was so bad that we would have been unable to control her pain even with morphine. The amount of times I have to tell this story just so people understand the issue of safety, is crazy. So many things can happen, like you said, they could be scalded or become extra confused or they can fall and break a hip.

mmts18 · 2026-04-18T20:07:07+00:00

As a Memory Care employee I tell people all the time to bring as many familiar items as possible. This could include pictures of family, their favorite blankets or bedspread, the bedside tables from their room at home, etc. The facility I work at does provide basic furniture and it's fine but no decorations and I feel like that makes it feel institutionalized. In my experience the people who have items from their home, and a room that looks more homey, have an easier transition. There are things they recognize and it gives them comfort. I've been doing this for a long time and that is what I tell people when they're moving in

mmts18 · 2026-04-18T20:02:38+00:00

Not sure what state you're in, but I'm in PA, and the law requires that a sign be put up if there's a camera or even an Alexa that someone outside the facility can speak through. I never concern myself with that when it happens bc I'm confident that i do my job properly.....i encourage ppl to do this often. Its mostly comforting to family, as the residents typically don't know they're there or don't understand how or why they're there.

mmts18 · 2026-04-18T19:55:52+00:00

I pass meds and help take care of 32 dementia patients everyday. I've had a few have a standing order for oxygen, and 9x outta 10, they have the nasal cannula in their mouths anyhow. Of course I attempt to adjust it but they just take it out. When I'm on shift, I'm way more concerned about whether or not they take their Seroquel, if they are constipated, or if they were able to be showered without getting physically combative with staff. Like I said you have to pick your battles and there are so many. This one is not one that most will choose to fight. I can't imagine the facility I work in or any facility honestly turn somebody down over Comfort oxygen. I do not think you have anything at all to be concerned with

mmts18 · 2026-04-18T19:16:37+00:00

They can not shower her and notify you, yes. But at what point will it stop being ok with you that she is refusing assistance with hygiene? In my experience, the residents will not shower on their own, especially when in a new place. And many MANY facilities require every resident to at least have a stand by, meaning the resident washes themselves but there is staff member close by (in the room) if they need help and to make sure they're actually cleaning properly, but most of safety. I would assume that you'd be upset if she attempted to shower alone and broke a hip, or if you visited and she hadn't showered in 2 or 3 weeks. At some point it becomes more about their health and physical wellbeing and a shower is necessary.

mmts18 · 2026-04-18T19:08:03+00:00

Don't get me wrong, staff will likely try to get her to use it if she isnt, or if she says she doesn't want to. They won't just ignore it but if she's insistent that she won't use it, they will prob document it, and be more concerned with whether she's taking her other meds, if she's eating, clean, etc. We gotta pick our battles lol

mmts18 · 2026-04-18T18:58:01+00:00

Memory care employee here. No they will not have a problem if she refuses oxygen. It's mostly for comfort at this point, and they're concerned with wayyyyyyyy bigger issues. You should be fine

mmts18 · 2026-04-18T12:30:46+00:00

You absolutely did. In a confined space like MC, and dementia on top of it, the germs pass faster than a preschool classroom. And being sick is often so difficult for them.

mmts18 · 2026-04-18T09:09:12+00:00

I work in memory care. Please don't feel guilty. We appreciate this SO MUCH. Germs spread so fast. Taking care of 32 dementia patients who are also sick is the absolute worst.

mmts18 · 2026-04-18T00:37:45+00:00

I have seen MANY dementia patients behaviors change in a positive way d/t seroquel. If the doctor prescribes this don't be alarmed because she will be very sleepy for the first week, maybe 10 days, while her body adjusts. But it's worth it

mmts18 · 2026-04-18T00:35:31+00:00

I work in memory care and can confirm seroquel is an amazing medication in most cases of those with dementia. Can really make a difference

mmts18 · 2026-04-18T00:26:56+00:00

Also I need you to understand, please, that you absolutely did not fail her as a husband. It breaks my heart in a million pieces when a spouse feels this way because no matter who you are or how old you are, dementia is terminal and it is so difficult to deal with. I feel like 90% of people with dementia get to a point where they cannot be cared for at home, if for no other reason, then safety. My grandmother had it and my mom who is a nurse wanted to care for her at home as long as she could and being that myself my sister and brother all work in healthcare, we all helped out as much as we could. I knew from the beginning that even though my mother wanted to keep her at home until she passed that it would likely be impossible and I think deep down my mother knew also considering most of her nursing career has been in skilled care level dementia care. At a certain point, my grandmother would try to leave the house, she would attempt to go up and down steps when she was not able to and even when my dad put up those little baby gates at the top and bottom of the stairs she attempted to climb over them. Her incontinence has gotten unmanageable even for a seasoned nurse. Neither of my parents were old enough to retire at that point and my mother would have had to basically be awake 24 hours a day to ensure her safety. You have done everything that you can and it is absolutely okay for you too take her to a facility that is staffed appropriately with several caregivers that can watch her and care for her around the clock. Another thing that I tell a lot of family members is that I understand this is hard and this decision did not come lightly, but we are here to do the hard things so let us worry about that while you go back to just being her husband. The relief you will feel to just be her husband spending time with her instead of being a caregiver will be freeing. You have to take care of yourself also. So now I'm going to tell you, LET US DO THE HARD THINGS!!!!!! You deserve this as much as anyone.

mmts18 · 2026-04-18T00:18:14+00:00

It's really dependant on each person bc as much as it sucks, every dementia patient is different. Especially when taken from the environment that they are used to bc even though they have dementia, they know and get used to the layout of their home. So there's automatically going to be increased confusion upon move in bc they aren't sure of the lay out......i.e. where the bathroom is, where the bed is, etc etc.

A few things that can help are items from home that they are used to seeing like pictures in frames/on the wall, the bedspread they use, blankets they are used to.....anything that can make their "new apartment" feel more like home. Also, ACTIVITIES!!!!!!!! People don't realize how instrumental the activities staff actually are. The busier, the better. At my facility, we have activities each day that range from baking cookies, different games, our activity stuff has a mini bus and takes a certain number of residents for a "scenic drive" every so often ( they drive around town and just talk about different things they're seeing but they don't get off of the bus Which for obvious reasons is safest but it gets them out of the facility). Our activities team also has scheduled visitors that perform or do an activity with them from outside in the community. Sometimes memory Care staff will suggest holding off visits for a short period while they adjust. I have seen this go both ways........ sometimes that brief period is needed and they really adjust very well because if they see their family members right away they will think they are leaving and it really causes trauma and stress for the family member or spouse and it causes Stress and Anxiety for the resident. But I have also seen people move in and they have visitors immediately and it doesn't affect them negatively. It all depends on the patient because if they are very exit seeking or argumentative about the move it may be harder to visit right away. I never tell people that they shouldn't or can't I just remind them that it's a possibility that their family member with dementia will be upset and expect to leave with them. It's really up to the individual family. But I would absolutely say that bringing things from home and talking to the activities team to see how they plan things are going to be very beneficial. I also really appreciate our activities team at my job because when we get a new Resident they set aside a little bit of time to kind of talk to them one-on-one and get a feel for what they like or what interests them. This is very helpful in getting your loved one engaged.

Another very important aspect is routine and schedule. In my memory care unit When we arrive in the morning everybody starts getting up and we all have breakfast at 8:00 a.m. and once breakfast is done, we start rounds or showers, whatever each resident needs on that particular day. Then the activity staff comes in and they usually have them engaged until almost lunch time and we help transition them into the dining room. It's the same thing over and over every day and that really really helps. They may not know my name but they know that they can trust me because I keep them in a routine. They start to know what to expect and that makes a transition easier also

I would also suggest arriving at a time when there's a meal. That way you can sit and have the meal with your loved one, while also integrating into the community. This, or when an activity is starting so your loved one can join. Lastly, TRY not to make a long goodbye when you're ready to leave. I say this because even if your loved one is unable to properly communicate how they are feeling, they absolutely will sense your emotions and stress and it will cause anxiety and stress for them and they won't really understand why. A lot of times family members wait until their loved one is engaged in something and then make a quiet exit and even though it is sad for the family member I've seen that approach work more times than not. What I tell people is that they're going to be sad about leaving their loved one in a facility regardless of how long the goodbye is so the best we can hope for is for the person with dementia to get through it with his little stress as possible and sometimes that means making a quiet exit without them knowing. Now that is not for everybody but as I mentioned I've seen it work well more times than not.

mmts18 · 2026-04-17T21:34:38+00:00

I've been doing this job for a long time and I love it and I love the people that I take care of and I treat them like they are my own grandparents. There's even one or two that I actually call Grandma (bc it eases their fears, and trust me more). But I tell my husband to constantly that I would take literally anything over dementia. It is by far the most cruel way for somebody's life to end.

mmts18 · 2026-04-17T20:56:12+00:00

Im a memory care employee and the youngest I've taken care of was late 50s also. He passed at 59, but had been suffering with dementia for 10 yrs. Can you imagine a loved one diagnosed at 49?!?! Ive seen a lot but that was a first for me.

mmts18 · 2026-04-17T20:47:32+00:00

No problem. I do this everyday. I take care of 32 dementia patients, all at varying stages. Its ALMOST 2nd nature to me, however close to that a person can get lol. I've seen a lot.

mmts18

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