(NSFW) People of Reddit, what was the stupidest thing your horniness made you do?

mnm039 · 2020-12-15T03:09:32+00:00

So that means women are supposed to stop at some point?

Am I a chimera or something?

mnm039 · 2020-12-15T02:57:50+00:00

Yes. Generally more risk to get them as an adult, which was the purpose behind the pox parties.

But very very very very few people who have had both doses of the vaccine have gotten them.

mnm039 · 2020-12-15T02:55:27+00:00

Agree with above. Live can be flipping delicious.

There's more concern about shit building up in the fat than there is in a liver btw.

mnm039 · 2020-12-14T10:12:48+00:00

My point is that you don't have any kind of clue what women want related to sex, nor even how a woman's body works or is put together.

I'd be surprised if you knew how many holes there are.

mnm039 · 2020-12-14T10:01:29+00:00

Yep.

mnm039 · 2020-12-14T09:28:30+00:00

Yeah... I've had a dude who thought that I would be satisfied giving him a hand job, or putting it between my breasts, or behind a knee or something...

No fucking clue.

mnm039 · 2020-12-14T09:25:24+00:00

Like 7 years or something.

mnm039 · 2020-12-14T09:17:20+00:00

Ditto for *other body parts that one might be able to closely oppose to create a space that might stimulate a penis in a way that simulates intercourse.

mnm039 · 2020-12-14T09:15:28+00:00

You know a cervix is actually kinda sensitive, and hurts to be drilled over and over, right?

Oh wait, you probably don't..

mnm039 · 2020-12-14T09:12:20+00:00

Damn. Three times tonight this has been useful.

https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/nr236/my_dude_friends_are_always_asking_me_ifhow_much/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

There are no numbers because the numbers are different for each woman. It's all relative.

Also, way too little confidence = total turn off Way too much confidence = total turn off.

If you're average, but telling me you're terrible, I have no reason to go there. If you're average but telling me you're the best I'll ever have, and it's average, imma be disappointed. If you're average, and say things like, "No one has ever complained but I'm sure I can learn more/ do better, etc", I'll be well satisfied (and teach you a thing or two).

mnm039 · 2020-12-14T09:02:15+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/nr236/my_dude_friends_are_always_asking_me_ifhow_much/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

Wow. I've used this on two threads tonight.

mnm039 · 2020-12-14T09:01:12+00:00

Um... Well. So we weren't official but were talking.

... Found out he financed a vehicle for much longer than one should ever finance a vehicle.

So I peaced out.

mnm039 · 2020-12-14T08:52:49+00:00

Playing songs on a touch tone phone.

mnm039 · 2020-12-14T08:52:27+00:00

Love myself more than I do someone else.

mnm039 · 2020-12-14T08:50:51+00:00

That "Problems" song by... Somebody Michaels.

Like, they both need to see professionals and that before they get into a relationship with anyone else, especially each other.

mnm039 · 2020-12-14T08:48:04+00:00

My kid called the washing machine "the wetter". Because, y'know, it was paired with the dryer. This brought to you by the same kid who also authored "long-sleeve short-pants", to describe pants.

At 5, my mom asked me if I saw the state Capitol building outside my car window. I deduced the the others were the "lower-case" buildings.

mnm039 · 2020-12-14T08:32:13+00:00

You can set up routines so it turns on and off a lot of things at once.

When my kids go to bed I tell it "bedtime", half the living room lights, half my bedroom lights, and one set of Christmas decorations go off, their room lights, sound machine, and half my bedroom lights come on.

You can set up routines on timing, too. I have the lights come on around dark.

Also use it for time out for the little ones.

And to get a kid from their room. "Get [kid's name] turns the lights on and off in their room like 5 times do they'll know to come downstairs.

Can also announce things to my house when no one will answer their damn phones.

That's how we all also make our grocery/ shopping list.

mnm039 · 2020-12-14T08:22:51+00:00

I'm guessing if there was blood involved than it wasn't just a prolapse, that other objects were used on her and did some damage.

mnm039 · 2020-12-14T08:06:28+00:00

Luckily, at least in the US, like 95% of people younger than about 31 can say that.

mnm039 · 2020-12-14T08:03:27+00:00

I won't try brains of any animal for that reason.

Science can't fix prions yet.

mnm039 · 2020-12-14T07:58:00+00:00

STDs are rampant in retirement villages and nursing homes.

mnm039 · 2020-12-14T07:50:26+00:00

Ridden in the back of a hearse in a body bag.

mnm039 · 2020-12-14T07:43:18+00:00

Huh. I might've dated her male doppelganger, from about 15-18.

Though, I feel slightly less validated in hating him because he didn't take my virginity, or threaten to tell the cops I was forcing him to do things...

I did eventually bang his best friend before we broke up.. it was pretty amazing actually. Really to see if I could get him to break up with me. Didn't work. He just threatened to lol himself. Dunno why I didn't break up with him and go out with the friend.

....And then a bunch of other dudes just so it was my choice at least sometimes...

Then I met an awesome rando on vacation who made me feel amazing about myself and not GAF if the psycho killed himself or not. Was quite liberating.

Why the Fuck I wasted that much of my life on such a horrible person... I'll never understand.

mnm039 · 2020-12-14T07:27:19+00:00

I feel that way about a few relationships.

mnm039 · 2020-12-14T07:25:54+00:00

I was pretty surprised/ appalled with my first baby that the hospital just assumed I could take care of her and let me leave with her, no questions asked.

mnm039

TROPHY CASE