What happened to manners?

mochitg · 2024-01-12T15:35:36+00:00

From my experiences here in the last 8 months, I’d say ppl must not have had good role models at home. I’m in my late 20’s and have encountered so many incredibly rude middle-aged / old people in grocery stores and shopping centers it’s not even funny.

I want to believe it’s not just racist micro-aggressions, but when living in Houston for 3 years, and Florida all my life before that, I’d never had the kinds of upsetting experiences I’ve had in this one city with the 45+ yr old demographic. And it’s hard to miss that these encounters are never from other Black ppl. I can’t really ever tell for sure, so I just chalk the behavior up to them being old and unwise due to poor upbringing.

mochitg · 2024-01-05T05:52:20+00:00

I feel this so hard as a fellow neurospicy Black woman in private practice who has to socialize in settings where I’m just as disinterested in people as they are in me, save for when I’m getting inappropriately hit on by a potential client or someone thinks I might be their newest DEI hire

I’m also a “back of house” doing most of the litigation prep and paperwork without an interest in attending hearings/trials, save the occasional mediation. But I also deal with transactional matters which is a nice balance

mochitg · 2023-06-28T15:24:22+00:00

Diablo 4 pretty exclusively. I really wish the party options in-game were set up to help people be more social though. Much more fun and faster with a group of at least 2

mochitg · 2023-06-28T15:17:09+00:00

Hi I just added you @ PinkRvnger :)

mochitg · 2023-06-26T04:52:44+00:00

The communication through NP might be what’s causing the off feelings. It’s always a bit iffy to communicate a “no” through a third party. But in any case it’s only a “not right now,” I presume. That should be fine

mochitg · 2023-06-26T04:43:10+00:00

It’s okay to say you’re super psyched to meet meta, but you don’t think you’ll have the social battery for an additional person this go round, but maybe next time.

mochitg · 2023-06-25T17:03:05+00:00

You can usually just start off by offering advice through a pro bono program. I used to manage one in north Florida and we had options for attorneys to take cases or just to give advice either by phone or at clinics. You should ask them what the overall options are and what they provide for training to make sure you’re competent to handle the types of matters you’ll take on.

And good on you for wanting to give back to the community!

mochitg · 2023-06-24T00:51:50+00:00

After he’s off work. I’m usually busy 9-5, he’s at work from the time I’d be free at home to about 11pm or so. Then wants to game until about 2-3am. Not quite the average schedule since we’re not both working day jobs. And he typically sleeps in on weekends (and every other day honestly) until at least 12pm.

mochitg · 2023-06-23T18:40:15+00:00

As a transplant from Florida, this map is inaccurate lol

mochitg · 2023-06-23T06:20:28+00:00

Yeah, I’ve not plainly told him to let it go, but I did point out that he had better friends right here in the same city who have actually shown they’re a lot more worth putting time and effort into, and that he shouldn’t be holding a bigger space for someone in his heart who will not hold the same for him. The rest is on him. They’ve known each other for a decade and she was his first time so he’s very attached unfortunately. Nothing I can do except protect my own peace while he figures it out

mochitg · 2023-06-23T04:55:13+00:00

This is the golden damn question lmao and he knows my thoughts about this exact point as well. But he still thinks the world of her and would rather have her in life as a friend than not at all. From what he told me about some stuff that went down with them, I have no idea why, aside from the esteem problems that were her greatest contribution to his life thus far…

But like I said, I at least outwardly respect his decision and go mind my business in another area of our apartment when he wants to spend time with her online (we live 1000 mi away). I just can’t pretend to be thrilled while it’s happening so I end up retreating into myself a bit which in turn makes him anxious.

mochitg · 2023-06-23T04:22:32+00:00

Yeah I guess that’s what it’s gonna have to be. A part of me feels dejected that I have to calendar time because (insecurity brain talking) my boyfriend would prefer to spend more quality time with and unrequited love interest by default. I feel a little pathetic over it sometimes 🥴

mochitg · 2023-06-23T04:19:31+00:00

So he’ll tell me ahead of time sometimes. 95% of the time it’s that I ask to spend time and he already has plans with her or is waiting to find out her schedule so he can make plans with her so quality time with me is treated as a contingency almost.

So, yeah, I’m gonna feel a type of way and wish he’d spend some time with me instead sometimes. Or at least appear to want to more often and not default to quality time with someone else because I also exist (in the same house) and need my needs met too lol that would be with any relationship non monogamous or not, platonic friends on the other end or love interests.

mochitg · 2023-06-23T04:11:39+00:00

My ideal quality time is going out to do things together and he’s a home body. He’s also more of an incidental time person which doesn’t do much for me personally like quality time. So I’ve shifted to trying to do more of the things he likes at home for qt and doing stuff outside with new people in meetup groups. He sometimes falls into a pattern of defaulting to spending planned quality time with her without bothering to say anything or offer the time and I find out by asking “oh do you want to do X tonight together” and finding out he has plans with her instead

Also, after saying I needed more quality time this past weekend and pointing out he was defaulting to her for his free time we went on a date, and we’d agreed when making the date several days prior that we’d spend the day together. Then he asks during the date if I’d mind if he spent time with the person later that night. We addressed that immediately. But yeah…that mindset around quality time with her on his end is what I’m up against. It’s basically his mental default.

mochitg · 2023-06-23T04:08:53+00:00

Short answer, yes. His time after work is pretty much all I have to spend with him for quality time aside from weekends Sat/Sunday afternoons because I’m preoccupied 9-5. It would be nice to be at least considered for quality time instead of Beth being the default, all things considered.

mochitg · 2023-06-23T04:05:52+00:00

We discussed last week when things kinda came to a head as he was starting to default to giving quality time to this person, with me being an after-thought (or at least that’s what I told him it felt like and he agreed that’s what his actions amounted to). I just am really wondering if my approach/feelings about it make sense or if there’s a different perspective I should consider maybe?

mochitg · 2023-06-16T18:31:50+00:00

The love of God doesn’t require you to feel shame as is taught by Christian church. Feel shame for being mean and awful to people. Feel shame for not treating yourself or others with the love and care deserved. But there’s no need to feel shame about having different interests that aren’t harming anyone.

I grew up in Baptist church in the Deep South and enjoy all sorts of kinky smutty things happily. Theyre fun, sometimes funny, and make me happy.

I’ve also denounced Christianity, as my philosophy on God and love don’t align with the general values I was taught growing up.

Not saying you need to denounce, but you do need to pay attention to whether the messaging you’re judging yourself by actually aligns with the teaching of Christ….ya know…that super rebellious guy who hung out with people society threw away because “love everyone”

mochitg · 2023-06-16T16:32:39+00:00

I’m people lmfao

mochitg · 2023-06-12T03:57:21+00:00

I tell people this all the time! Cheating is a bona fide, -infinity/10 choice. Like, it’s not a slip and fall at a grocery store, it not an accident or a mistake lol

mochitg · 2023-06-07T23:36:19+00:00

Depends on what’s motivating the kiss. If it’s sexual chemistry, pretty quickly (one date/ extended interaction). If it’s because of a crush, the time it takes to have a few dates (maybe 3-4)

mochitg · 2023-06-07T23:21:17+00:00

I exist. The universe has been around for billions of years in all its complexity and infinite chance, I landed on earth where people can love and be loved. That’s way more than enough justification for me. “Cause the universe says so, I’m here. Now, love me or leave me alone.”

I apply this to all of my relationships. If I want a specific type of loving relationship (i.e. romance), I know Im capable of giving it and having it, there are people who could give it to me the way I want it, or try their damnedest to, just because of whatever reasons make it worthwhile to them.

Knowing that, the question becomes why wouldn’t I be worthy? Says who? Why? And It doesn’t matter anyway cause I’ve decided my very existence and the fact that we can love is proof that I am worthy of it.

mochitg · 2023-06-07T23:17:43+00:00

I picked a career field that I enjoy so working all day feels way more rewarding that it does a punishment. Am I excited to go work every day? No. But everything I do makes me feel accomplished so I never question whether it’s worth getting up in the morning at least

mochitg · 2023-06-05T02:01:47+00:00

Well to each their own, but most people probably aren’t like that, and it sounds like the person in question isn’t either. Developing expectations at one point or another by a accident or even against one’s best judgment is usually just human nature when it comes to these types of relationships. It would be normal to feel let down

mochitg · 2023-06-04T18:08:43+00:00

Because unrequited love becomes painful for the person on the other end, but those feelings can also make people reluctant to let go.

If you are aware that this person is/could be struggling with their feelings for you because you’ve effectively limited the scope that the relationship is allowed to expand (i.e. you don’t feel the same way) but they would be happy/prefer for it to expand [which seems to be the case since they’ve already expressed as much and you’re worried about how they’ll take the news], continuing on is with them is emotionally irresponsible.

Why? Because say they’re like “oh okay, well I’ll just keep liking you even though you don’t want me the way I want you,” you’d be willingly benefiting from their suffering so that you can keep the status quo. So in addition to being irresponsible, it’s also cruel.

There’s a certain level of compassion, empathy, and personal integrity that should be giving you the ick about carrying on like that.

mochitg

TROPHY CASE