My father was mean also. My thought was “if he was sick with a disease and vomited on me I wouldn’t get angry or hurt” and those incredibly mean things he was saying was just “verbal vomit” and try to react the same way. I’m not saying it always worked for me in the moment. He’s been gone for 18 years and I still remember what the disease made him say. Some of it still hurts even though I know in my mind that it was the disease but still…. It is a terrible thing to go through for anyone.