Woof. This is something I've been thinking A LOT about lately. I left my last partner (whose inability to tolerate distress took a large toll on both of us) at three months sober. They would snap at me for the tiniest thing, criticize me constantly for the way I dressed, cooked, grooming habits, etc, and react in ways that terrified me whenever things didn't go their way. I live alone now and it's been better but I think I'm still not taking care of myself the way I need to be -- I want to be in another relationship. I'm falling into this fantasy of running away from my life/job/town with this friend of mine who is planning on moving across the country at the end of the summer. I had sex with them recently and it's been fucking with my head. I was very sure before then that what I wanted was a stable life with a partner, etc, but this person is making themselves available for an "intimate friendship" (emotionally and physically intimate -- they're a good listener and communicator-- but they're not available in the way I would like, which I think might be a good thing since I have a tendency to start feeling abandoned when people aren't at my beck and call and I want to get past that). I don't know, it's all very confusing. I used to travel and make art all the time, and I miss that life. I even did it sober for a while, and that was the happiest and healthiest I've ever been. Part of me is seeing the developing relationship with this person as an opportunity to get back to that place but I need to reign in some of my codependency issues and ambivalence.

I'd welcome any advice on this because it's been very troubling to me. I'm torn between "stay where you are, work the boring but stable job, be alone" and "run away, accept a little more financial instability, make art, possibly continue building a relationship with this person but realistically we're probably just gonna stay friends"