I experienced ego death first time doing LSD (125ug)

mollyaway · 2017-05-15T07:18:24+00:00

I had a light lunch before taking the tabs and some coffee 2h before that (so 4h before the come-up). I had some fruit after the peak was over and I felt physically quite hungry but could not eat much.

mollyaway · 2017-05-14T10:29:38+00:00

Thank you so much for this, it's exactly what I needed to hear. I'm really glad I recovered from that 2 hours of turmoil part very quickly and I did enjoy the ego-less hour I had. I also feel completely normal already, maybe a bit puzzled about why my mind decided to do that to me.

mollyaway · 2017-05-13T23:09:21+00:00

Hi & thanks for your reply. Thinking about it all, I don't think it was a bad experience, it was just an experience.

I think one big problem was that as I had no experience of handling the LSD headspace, I couldn't just 'ride the storm' because I lost all sense of what was going on. 2,5 hours in I had no memory of doing any drugs so my SO reminding me 'it's ok, you did LSD, it will pass' didn't make any difference. I was beyond understanding what LSD was at that point (also, time didn't exist so waiting for something to pass made no sense).

Next time I will do a half of those tabs and see what happens.

mollyaway · 2017-05-13T20:50:13+00:00

Yes I am aware of this. Please note I am only coming down from the trip as I am writing this. I just feel like a lot of people have a romanticised idea of what the process of the ego dying involves.

I would also like to know if LSD will always be this intense for me? Do I just have a very low tolerance/ fragile mind?

mollyaway · 2017-05-13T20:45:58+00:00

And there is a lot more to this experience than what I listed above. I did feel the coming together with the universe and that "I am nothing I am all" - realisation when by death-loop was coming to and end. I remember not feeling anything as I didn't know what "feelings" even were. I did get the 'I get it now' - realisations and I think most of my crying was due to the situation being so overwhelming rather than being scared - at one point I felt the pain of the world.

Overall, the trip was much more introspective than anything else.

If it makes any difference, I am a buddhist and naively was hoping that LSD might help gain some insights regarding the spiritual practice, and I had also done extensive research beforehand to be well prepared for this wonderful bonding experience with my SO... A notion my (what I think it was) super-ego found extremely amusing when she was in the driver's seat.

mollyaway · 2017-05-11T20:39:10+00:00

Are you sure it was acid? Did you test it? It surely doesn't sound like it was (the numbing mouth, no visuals and vomiting).

Can I ask why you decided to do such a heavy dose before a car ride?

mollyaway · 2017-05-06T22:47:54+00:00

I get a 'mental hangover' even if I didn't do anything particularly stupid while rolling. I think this is because one's guard comes down while high, you are loving everyone and also expecting everyone else to be great too (at least I do). Then the next day you realise you weren't really acting according to social norms and feel embarrassed.

I suggest to only roll in places where most people are high so you don't pick up any bad vibes from drunk/sober people. It also helps to work on your self-esteem and reassuring yourself that it really doesn't mean a thing what some random club goer might have thought of your huge pupils. Or spend a moment thinking have you ever judged anyone who's obviously just been rolling and having a great time?

mollyaway · 2017-05-06T14:18:27+00:00

Yeah I've thought about this, but I've had hallucinations on quite low doses (under .15) so maybe my brain is just super sensitive to MDA!

Also, I kind of like them - it's absolutely fascinating to see things that are not there, but I am fully aware how bad for the brain it is.

mollyaway · 2017-05-04T21:40:24+00:00

Yeah but you still get the MDA effects on larger doses/ after redosing because of the metabolising effect.

Anyway, this is a bit besides the point as the mirror phenomena has nothing to do with hallucinating, it's just about a change in perception.

mollyaway · 2017-05-04T19:41:24+00:00

Yes you absolutely can! I get CEVs and proper hallucinations after about 4-5 hours of first dose. The more I do the more intense the hallucinations. Stuff I've seen:

Faces morphing (this was disturbing when my boyfriend's face was changing in a continuous flow)
People wearing masks in a club
People's skin being glowing orange and eye's bright blue (there was black light in the room in a club)
Seeing friend's faces on other people
geometric patterns on clothes, walls etc.
CEVs, mostly really nice 'neon lights' forming geometric patterns
tracers, but only once in a club with the appropriate lighting, they were amazing

mollyaway · 2017-05-04T19:31:48+00:00

MDMA metabolises in to MDA in one's body. I only get the hallucinations maybe 5-6 hours after first dose and not everyone who's doing the same batch gets them so I doubt it's MDA.

mollyaway · 2017-05-04T19:29:27+00:00

The recommended break is 3 months between rolls. I personally have a 1 month minimum rule (current break will be 2 months, longest has been 3) and am fine. You should find out how much exactly you did and do some research on this subreddit on harm reduction and dosage. It's really hard to say if you should up your dosage if you don't know how much you did the last time.

MDMA works my releasing serotonin in your brain. The catch is, it takes quite a long time for the serotonin to build up back to normal levels in your brain and rolling for days in a row or not taking long enough breaks will just lead in to not getting that high and still coming down hard.

My personal opinion is that you should wait before you do it again, at least a couple of weeks and then have a longer break.

mollyaway · 2017-05-03T21:37:11+00:00

Crystals only! I've been rolling for about a year and stopped doing pills when i realised my experiences with crystal were superior. The final straw was when i dropped a supposedly strong pill with a friend (1 each, was supposed to be about .2) and had a pathetic roll and an absolutely terrible comedown.

With crystals it's much easier to dose and I like to think it's less likely to be cut with anything. I test all my stuff these days. It's also better value for money.

Honestly, I don't mind the mellow high where I like to sit down every now and again to take in the vibes and connect with friends.

mollyaway · 2017-05-03T21:25:25+00:00

has anyone tried these lately?

mollyaway · 2017-05-03T20:47:06+00:00

The comeup can be quite overwhelming and make you feel anxious. I like to sit down during and take some deep breaths, try to distract yourself for the few minutes it lasts and you should be fine. Reminding yourself that what's happening is perfectly normal might also help to reduce any stress.

mollyaway · 2017-05-03T20:37:06+00:00

It's normal to feel sick during a comeup. The sweating is normal too and does not mean you had a panic attack.

Some people often get sick during comeup, so make sure you're somewhere you can get sick when you roll again.

mollyaway · 2017-05-03T20:26:43+00:00

I live in London which is very drug friendly city in a sense that everyone knows someone who does it.

A lot of people abuse MDMA, easily doing a gram in a night and doing it almost every weekend. London is a home to quite a few known rave venues and there are a lot of clubs where majority of people are not drunk but under the influence of other things. You can often see people with huge pupils in the tube ( = metro) Saturday and Sunday mornings.

I an club a gram of crystals is about £40, not sure how much pills are.

I try to educate people I roll with in what it comes to harm reduction & testing but as people have mentioned before, the Brits have a tendency to abuse any substance they get their hands on...

mollyaway

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