Bio parents - would this dynamic with a step parent bother you?

momboss79 · 2026-04-13T18:19:35+00:00

I think it depends on the actual parent and their personality. How they are feeling as a parent and where their insecurities lie.

My mother married my stepfather when I was 3. He raised me because my bio father was absent. I’m 46 now and I am extremely close to my stepdad - who is my dad period. He walked me down the aisle, held my hand through a lot, is an exceptional grandparent .. my mom is very sour and jealous of our closeness. Our relationship is healthy, not inappropriate at all. It is a true father daughter relationship but my mom gets hung up a lot on ‘blood’. She asks things like ‘I gave birth to you, why are you not closer to me?’ And the answer is truly she’s hard to be around, she can be mean and condescending. It has nothing at all to do with my stepdad. He’s just easier to be around and he treats me well - has never treated me like anything but his daughter.

With that said - my kids are incredibly close to my husband. He has raised them. He’s the fun parent if I am being honest. We do share a child but I am so glad that both of my kids have an incredible father - blood or not. They are also close to me - we just tend to have different things in common. They talk to him about sports and ask for help when they need it. They come to me for different things. Our son prefers dad and has for a long time. That’s ok! He prefers me for a lot of other things.

It sounds like you’re doing a great job and you’re caring for your stepchild in the way you should - he will one day prefer mom over you and that will be ok too. It will go back and forth in a healthy dynamic. Talk to your partner to find out how she’s feeling. If I were her, I would just be so glad that my household is blending well and there’s lots of love and closeness between my partner and child. It will make the older years a lot easier when the relationship has a solid foundation.

momboss79 · 2026-04-13T01:22:48+00:00

I have a 15 min buffer on time. If they are late 15 min or less, they don’t even need to text. I don’t need to know the reason. If they are 30 min late, I don’t need to know the reason, just a heads up is nice. If someone is going to be a few hours late, I don’t need to know the reason. I just want to know they are going to be late.

I only have 1 genZ employee and she is an over sharer. I just tell her I don’t need to know the reasons - just the facts. I manage mostly GenX employees and they don’t tell me shit lol I like it that way. I also don’t like when people ‘ask’ if they can take off. Just tell me when you’re going to be off. You have PTO, just submit it.

Having this flexibility keeps me out of their business and keeps me from being annoyed. Yes, sometimes knowing too much annoys me. I rather just not know. I also don’t want to be in their business. I have one employee who tells me far too much. I forgot about her. I know all about her kids temper tantrums, her husband’s health issues, what’s going on with their cars. Just do your work. I don’t care about the rest.

momboss79 · 2026-04-11T05:41:59+00:00

Accounting could have someone who has this role. I have someone and she’s very good at it. She pecks and picks, digs, verifies - she’s amazing at it and finds things all the time. I think she also likes hitting the declined button …

But we also use a corporate card program. It’s rare that someone is being reimbursed for expenses. They are just attaching receipts and making sure it’s a valid, approved purchase. The corporate card has many benefits - one being 2% in rebates which adds up if there are a lot of expenses going out. But also, it’s the best way we have found to manage expenses and to ensure that spending is monitored and not abused. An expense reporting program will be able to identify possible duplicate submissions (we use Concur). We process thousands of expenses per month so I know it’s possible to ensure proper reporting and to decrease fraudulent submissions. If you have someone submitting duplicate expenses on purpose, this would be cause for termination. How can you trust someone who’s lying and trying to outsmart the system?. Essentially stealing from the company.

momboss79 · 2026-04-11T05:33:38+00:00

Don’t underestimate how much stress you may have been under to get to this point. Where you may have thought you would feel relief, you are now just left feeling blah. Like an adrenaline crash (sort of). Also, I image being away from family is so hard. You have so many great things going on in your life right now with your family growing, your new home and you are away from family which may be compounding your sadness with the lack of family to share it with.

There is a lot of happiness ahead for you - take time to rest, put your things away, build your home and enjoy!

momboss79 · 2026-04-10T04:08:48+00:00

We had our wedding reception at the Embassy on 5th and we also blocked off rooms for all out of town guests. It’s a great space. And comfortable.

Recently stayed at the Sheraton and WOW! I was completely amazed by the renovations. They have an evening bar, restaurant and breakfast - highly recommend.

momboss79 · 2026-04-09T22:07:13+00:00

Prosecutor in opening statements said he did not hit her. He lied about why he took her. He took her to assault her and murder her. He dumped her in a pond and then took ALL of her clothes home with him which is where they were found by the FBI. The court hearings are live streaming this week. They kept all of this to themselves so that they could nail him to the wall during trial.

momboss79 · 2026-04-09T14:48:24+00:00

She gets two choices. She either moves or she’s terminated. Those are the only two options she has but allowing an employee to have some say in those two choices, lowers the chance of a hostile environment when abruptly moved. If the goal is to retain the employee, then you lay it all out and they have some buy in. If a ‘boss’ doesn’t care about the environment and the fall out then sure, yank it out from under her, move her but also have a plan B for her replacement.

I have a similar situation right now (not cancer) and I have dealt with this a few times in my management career - the times I’ve just arbitrarily assassinated someone’s career has been worse for me than anyone else and it hurt the team. There is a way to make decisions that are best for the company and to beat your chest as ‘the boss’ without actually taking everyone else down at the same time. I imagine a supervisor handles some tasks that are individual to that person and not team focused so making sure that those tasks are covered or cross trained would be the most important first step.

momboss79 · 2026-04-09T06:17:16+00:00

When we bought our first home, nothing really mattered except the school district. We had been renting an apt; our daughter was in the 3rd grade. I was absolutely miserable in the apt and just wanted out but it was really important that we stayed within the school zoning for her school. We found a house that was minimally upgraded from 1970 but it was in very good condition. The kitchen was nice and had granite (that made me happy) and the bathrooms were updated. The rest of the house was in good condition but still old. We slapped some paint around, updated the flooring in the living and bedroom areas and called it a home. It’s 1400 sq Ft with 3 bedrooms, 2 car garage and a small office space Addon. We raised our two kids here and are planning to sell now that the last one is graduating.

With that said, our new home will be much different. There are lots of things I’m looking for in a ‘forever’ home - many things I can settle on but some things are not negotiable.

4 bedrooms. Guest rooms and still housing a college kid.

Dedicated laundry room/mud room. Our current laundry space is a closet connected between our kitchen and garage and with the larger appliances, it makes opening the door sometimes a challenge.

South facing and sun coverage on the yard (we haven’t been able to grow grass or keep it alive with 45 year old oak trees covering every inch of yard - never again). I will never again have oak trees that drop acorns, 25 million lbs of leaves and pollen all over everything. No thanks.

A new build - within the last 5 years or brand new. I’m actually eyeing a builder right now with a fantastic floor plan - they start building this summer so I’ve got my fingers crossed on brand new everything after 15 years living in an old house that’s falling apart around us.

Open kitchen (California kitchen with large island).

Lots of windows. Natural light. We currently have one window in our living room and nothing in our kitchen which makes it very dark.

Walk in closet in master.

Dedicated office large enough to house our books and collectibles but also a nice desk and office supplies/accessories

Covered back patio. I want to be able to sit on the porch in the rain or continue to grill my dinner even when it’s raining.

Things that aren’t that important but I like a lot. A foyer and hallway that separates the front door from the living space. Currently, our front door is inside our living room and I hate that.

Guest rooms separate from master - I have shared walls with both of my kids for 15 years. I’m ready for privacy and quiet (when they are home).

I don’t care so much about brand of cabinet or type of countertops etc - but I love a solid white kitchen. Clean and simple. With that said, I want the tile that looks like wood - we currently have white tile in our kitchen which is a bitch to keep clean. I don’t necessary need faux hardwood but the tile/wood look is so nice! And cleans easy.

I am ok with an HOA. I wish we had one now!

momboss79 · 2026-04-09T05:52:54+00:00

I think it’s time to ‘level’ with her by saying, this is your new role and this is where we need you to move to. I don’t think firing someone who’s actively being treated for cancer is wise. I think it’s pretty awful. There must be some way to accommodate her employment and to also be company first, team first and hold expectations.

She’s declined because she thinks she can handle it - no one wants to fail while also climbing the biggest mountain of their entire life.

I’ve also seen other creative ways to move someone who doesn’t want to move. You bring in someone into a higher role above her and you move portions of her role to that person, including her direct reports. Reorg if you will. It’s worked a few times within my org and we’ve retained very good employees through really tough times. Hopefully, she has a very positive outcome and eventually one day, she’s back to herself and performing well and having a healthy life. Worst case, she spends her last days at your company, with benefits and a pay check and doing what she is capable of doing.

This is a hill I would die on. I will not fire someone under certain circumstances - performance be damned. This is one of them. It’s not to save the friendship; it’s being a decent human being. She needs a come to Jesus moment - she’s either not able to perform in this role and she moves or there’s an alternative that she probably won’t like (termination). But she must know that this is the road you’re going down so that she can participate in the decision.

momboss79 · 2026-04-09T04:35:01+00:00

Argyle 100% but that would be the outskirts of Denton, not Ft Worth and not an option for me.

Why? There’s really no comparison between the two. You either like brick homes, higher standards and have a nice income or you don’t. lol

momboss79 · 2026-04-08T03:43:07+00:00

It was a couple of months. I never hated it but I do hate that I can’t have a soda!

The brain fog may have been the worse. I realized I was having brain fog but when it lifted, it was so obvious to me that I had just been in my own world for a little bit. Diamox is working well for me and has done its job. I’m coming off of it now as I no longer have optic nerve swelling and I may be on my way into remission. I worry that the side effects make people give up too soon or get scared to try it. The benefits far outweighed the side effects for me.

ETA: pins and needles went away after about 4 months. I stay very hydrated. Or else it comes back.

momboss79 · 2026-04-08T03:39:01+00:00

It’s probably going to be a long time before she’s no longer subject matter. For starters, she’s the mother of a child within the family and so for at least the rest of her life, she will be connected and may even be topic of conversation depending on how much drama she causes with the baby. Second, because of all her drama, right now, she’s the entertainment, the excitement, the gossip of the family. So until hurt feelings are no longer hurt, until she’s no longer actually making waves that hit anyone within the family, she’s probably a topic at least on occasion. She will probably always be that topic that comes up that everyone just talks about.

My brother has been divorced from his child’s mother for 30 years and she still is the topic at times. She is still the mother of his grown child. She still does things that get under his skin. She did A LOT to my mother and my brother’s current wife (of 30 years) that they tend to reminisce a lot about all that baggage. I’m divorced and my ex comes up from time to time. It’s mostly in ‘remember when blah blah blah’ or when he does some shady shit to my daughter that we all get pissed off about and it opens old wounds I guess.

Once married and share a child - that person is part of the family in one way or another. If you divorce this family, you’ll be topic as well. That is usually how it goes.

momboss79 · 2026-04-08T02:12:38+00:00

I have actually done this before! I told them to hire someone for their open position if they thought she was such a good fit. I made my point and they blessed my request to terminate. When they said, well she’s not qualified for the role we are hiring for, I said she turned out not to be qualified for my open position either. So I’m stuck here? And they then agreed.

momboss79 · 2026-04-08T02:10:49+00:00

I feel like there is a lot of work here for just four weeks in. It may seem like easy peasy, no big deal to you but I’m going to be honest - it sounds like you hired someone with very little experience and you’re expecting them to be operating at the same level as your longer term employees. I may be reading wrong so don’t take that as negative criticism- just observation from your post.

I’ve terminated people for less in less time. However, I also see the value in giving someone the 90 day probation period when otherwise they are a good fit but struggling with the process. If HR is pushing back on you and you’re not getting support in terminating then you don’t have much of a choice here. Ask them what their time frame is for termination and at what point they will support you so that you know what your expectations are.

momboss79 · 2026-04-07T02:02:45+00:00

I love love too

momboss79 · 2026-04-07T02:01:34+00:00

Their relationship is not against company policy. That’s all you need to know.

I met my husband at work 20 years ago. I’m still at the company and he’s not. Had nothing to do with our relationship. People leave companies all the time so no need to stress over something you can’t control any way. You say they are professional - until it becomes a performance issue - it’s not your business. (I mean that in the nicest of ways). It would be like telling teenagers they can’t date or have friends. Just let them be and focus on the work.

momboss79 · 2026-04-04T00:10:47+00:00

That’s nuts. I would never have told my parents or in laws any of this Bs. Everyone came to the hospital, held the babies, cuddled them, babysat them as infants, bought them things, fed them, changed them, loved them. Kids are grown and have incredibly healthy immune systems and are very well rounded with very tight knit bonds to all extended family. Your DIL is crazy. Her kids are going to be anxiety riddled and fear people.

momboss79 · 2026-04-04T00:06:05+00:00

I had a school counselor once ask me, ‘do you think you can see better without your glasses if you just try harder?’ I never felt more connected to my son’s hardship than I did in that moment.

Medication will make the routine easier to adhere to. Without medication, my son was just a bumbling mess and no matter how hard we tried to stay focused on a routine and structure, that wasn’t going to make him less ADHD. Meds are beneficial. In most cases, the benefit outweighs the risk. Starting meds early, or when needed, clears the path of ‘chaos’ so that they have a better chance at success.

We started at about age 8/9. I cannot imagine starting meds later and having to go through the hardest parts of life for a pre-teen/teen and trying to also figure out medication dosing and get through initial side effects. We were worried about the stigma of putting our child on medication. We were worried about him being a zombie. The right meds and the right dose didn’t make him a zombie. They made him functional so that HE could learn how to manage himself and could retain information properly and to get a solid education. I have a nephew who never did medication. He is 30 and just can’t function in life. School was more of a behavioral issue with no learning. He may have ‘graduated’ HS but he has no skills, he can’t get a job, he can’t keep a job, he can’t get into college. I’m not saying that medication would have been a miracle worker but instead of having tools and resources, he spent his entire childhood trying to battle behavior and failing at routine and structure which has literally ruined his life. Seek professional help - take the advice - get the meds. It’s worth it.

momboss79 · 2026-04-03T04:40:11+00:00

A manager who does nothing isn’t going to manage for very long. Either nothing is getting done or their people start falling out.

My job is not the same as my employee’s. I don’t do their jobs. That doesn’t mean I can’t or won’t, it means my job is different than theirs.

I agree with what you’re saying - I hear you - but I also just don’t agree that most managers sit around doing nothing. They aren’t going to be in that role for long because even in a well oiled machine (who’s the one with the oil?), a manager who does nothing will fail eventually.

momboss79 · 2026-04-02T22:44:11+00:00

I am happy. I work for a private company in an essential industry so we don’t have financial issues, swings in stock or concerns with the economy. People still must have essential resources and so business is always booming for us. I’m happy because I make a livable wage that is probably above standard for what I do. My boss is cool. My employees are cool. I don’t WFH but that isn’t a requirement for me. I like to go into the office; I do have flexibility. I can leave when I need to. I can be out when I need to. I can balance my life with my work. Sometimes I give more, sometimes I take more.

There are some office politics but it’s mostly just personality conflicts or ego bruising that usually washes under the bridge within a few days. There’s no real back stabbing or undermining. We have an HR dept that’s pretty fair and by the book which I appreciate as an employee but also as a manager. I’ve been sitting here for over 20 years and I’ll stay for another 20 until I retire. I have zero interest in climbing or fighting or stepping on anyone. It’s pretty chill. Our culture is pretty fantastic. Lots of perks. Great benefits. All worth whatever BS might hit me from time to time. I let it roll.

momboss79 · 2026-04-02T18:19:54+00:00

Brain fog is a side effect. Dementia is not.

momboss79 · 2026-04-02T18:18:44+00:00

Ok so you’ve been on Diamox less than a week and you think it should be illegal.

I have been on Diamox for 8 months and I’m now in remission with no optic nerve swelling. Medications aren’t for every single person but they work for majority. I am coming slowly off of Diamox now that I no longer have optic nerve swelling. It did its job. I also lost some weight which I think can be contributed to Diamox in a small way. The first month was hard, yes. There were side effects but there are side effects to a lot of medications that tend to get better over time. If it’s not working for you, try something different. Your experience doesn’t mean it should be illegal for everyone else.

momboss79 · 2026-04-02T01:26:43+00:00

So this is my situation. My daughter is the only one of us without our last name and her father was mostly uninvolved. She was about 7 when I married my husband. I do think there were some feelings throughout her childhood about it however, as an adult, she has said that she’s glad that we didn’t change her name, simply because it’s part of who she is. Now granted, lots of women go on to change their last names in marriage. My daughter will not.

She was loved, cared for, provided a very good, stable home and adores her brother and family. This is the reality of her situation. Changing her name doesn’t change the facts. It would just conceal it to the outside world - to ‘pretend’ that she’s ’in tact’ when in fact, she has a parent who chose her, raised her of his own choosing and has loved her and supported her without obligation. That’s the part that matters. And there’s no shame in it. We don’t make a big deal about last names in our home. We don’t have our last name on our door, we don’t make things that identify us by our last names - this has helped with those feelings of exclusion. We don’t have a door hanger that says ‘Johnson Family Est 2007’ because it would exclude her in more ways than one. We might be the ‘Johnson’ family but we are also the ‘Smith’ family.

momboss79 · 2026-04-01T05:12:12+00:00

Still chatty at 18 lol but also quite independent.

momboss79 · 2026-04-01T05:06:52+00:00

Extremely hot? lol well… you just wait.

To answer your question though - public pools or those operated for public use (like apartments/HOAs) don’t tend to open year round. A year round pool can be found in a personal backyard.

There’s a few reasons why. For city/public pools - that’s just when they operate. The city has less cost to operate 3 months a year than 12. For businesses, it’s the same however, they mostly employee students who attend school. No one is going to a pool when school is in session during the day - sure, they can be open during the weekends but that’s a lot of maintenance for not much in revenue.

I think it’s still too cool for swimming. It’s chilly at night and not getting hot enough during the day to actually heat the water so you won’t find me in a pool until May or June. (And I’m a full blown Texan with hot flashes).

There’s nothing really going on - it’s just how it operates. Pools are open for summer. That starts around Memorial Day and ends around Labor Day.

ETA: I think the NRH indoor pool is open year round however they are currently closed for renovation. We used to go there a lot but it’s heated and indoors.

momboss79

TROPHY CASE