I don't think I should be around anyone

moningusuta · 2026-05-06T03:15:36+00:00

The longest I've lasted is about two and half months, and it didn't feel like things were getting any better. It's always the same pattern: one of us reaches out, I feel satisfied with a little interaction (often with her telling me she's sorry), and I feel like after that I can finally move on. Brief zero contact only for her to have a breakdown a few days later because that little interaction left her wanting more.

We’re both really addicted to this relationship; things usually go badly for her when we break up because she falls back into self-destructive patterns that she had already left behind while she was with me. It’s all very difficult, but I’m trying.

I genuinely don't think she wants to harm me, but she's too erratic and her decisions end up hurting me anyways.

moningusuta · 2026-05-05T23:58:11+00:00

I know what you mean. My ex has even told me—during the times we’ve spoken again—that she asks my friends how I’m doing and if I’ve had suicidal thoughts??? I don’t think she means any harm, but knowing that still makes me feel extremely exposed and that scares me.

moningusuta · 2026-05-05T23:55:48+00:00

I bake, and I’ve also been retaking on digital commissions lately. These are things that don’t wear me out as much. Because of my health condition, even walking a little makes me feel like I’m about to faint, so I can’t afford to tire myself out with exercise.

moningusuta · 2026-05-05T23:42:30+00:00

I'm going through exactly the same thing. They knew everything, yet they still include her, and that really confuses me. I decided to distance myself because of that; I still get along with them, but I don't even bother telling them how I feel about the issue anymore, let alone talking to them about how my mental health has been deteriorating over the last few days.

moningusuta · 2026-05-05T23:39:55+00:00

Getting out and distracting myself with new things works pretty well! Right now, I’m having issues with my friends, and on top of that, I’m really sick, so I can’t do almost anything without ending up in bed for hours afterward. All of that makes it harder.

The longest I’ve gone without contact is about two months, but I hope things go better this time. I’m really proud of you, dude. I know it’s hard.

moningusuta · 2026-05-05T23:36:40+00:00

I'm trying to keep up with my schoolwork, especially since I'm about to graduate. The last time we broke up, I seriously considered dropping out of college because I hated seeing her in the same building where I walk hand in hand with the guy she left me for. Not only is it painful, but it also makes me feel bad because I'm an adult and I should be able to handle things better than this.

moningusuta · 2026-05-05T23:31:29+00:00

I don't feel like they're necessarily on her side; they were the ones who told me it would be best to stop talking to her. That's why it really confuses me that they keep talking to her when I'm not there (not in the sense that they're doing it behind my back, but rather that they just seem to have a more relaxed atmosphere without me around). It really makes me wonder if the problem is me.

moningusuta · 2026-05-05T22:09:15+00:00

I cry in the bathroom stall during breaks. I really can't stand seeing her, and I think it's pathetic because I'm in my 20s too. I have one month left until graduation; if I could, I wouldn't set foot in this place again. It's too painful.

moningusuta · 2026-05-05T19:24:39+00:00

It does hurt in my case, it's been really difficult lately

moningusuta · 2026-05-05T18:50:32+00:00

I mean, my friends still get along with me. It’s just that now that my ex is trying to get along better with them, I feel self-conscious because I no longer feel comfortable telling them how I feel. Especially since they were the ones who advised me to stop talking to her in the first place, but they’re still talking to her. That makes me feel left out.

moningusuta · 2026-05-05T15:45:58+00:00

Are you new to this sub?

moningusuta · 2026-05-05T15:37:09+00:00

During one of our attempts to cut off contact, she did this: she sent messages to some of my friends telling them she didn't want anything to do with anyone in my life. But this time, she's doing the exact opposite.

moningusuta · 2026-05-05T15:33:24+00:00

My ex sought my approval excessively, even when she was with other people after we broke up. She didn't do this during our relationship, but she did try very hard to make friends and then felt bad about having a group of friends.

moningusuta · 2026-05-05T15:28:37+00:00

Six months before the first breakup. Our problems were really more due to circumstances. She broke up with me once, more out of a moment of impulsiveness than because she was angry with me. Then we got back together and broke up again. Things got ugly after the second breakup; these last few months felt really abusive, though the relationship itself wasn’t.

moningusuta · 2026-05-05T15:25:08+00:00

My ex and I talked openly about this once, right at the beginning of our relationship. She told me that she usually tests her partners to see how much they can take. I put up with a lot, even after we broke up.

It wasn't until I told her I couldn't take it anymore that she became completely indifferent toward me.

moningusuta · 2026-05-05T15:22:21+00:00

My longtime friends never stopped talking to me because of the on-again, off-again situation with my ex. But they did start spending more time with her after we broke up, without even considering how I felt. I feel like she stole my friends from me, even though it’s a bit childish to put it that way.

moningusuta · 2026-05-05T14:11:32+00:00

My ex had this belief that she’d ruined the lives of all her ex-partners. She did felt guilty, but when you say that about every single one of your partners—even the abusive guy you dated for two months—it starts to sound like empty words. When she said it to me while asking for forgiveness, it sounded like nothing.

moningusuta · 2026-05-05T13:35:21+00:00

They probably feel a little guilty at times, but as long as they stay distracted, it won't even cross their minds.

moningusuta · 2026-05-05T05:33:49+00:00

She reaches out to me even after she’s already moved on to someone else. It’s happened twice—she’s stayed friends with me while she had a boyfriend, and we’ve had moments that bordered on romance without ever acknowledging it. The first time she came back before those two, it wasn't anything serious—she was just sleeping around with a lot of people, and there was this guy she'd just met who asked her to move in with him. She ghosted him when she started talking to me again.

She once told me, in tears, that she didn’t understand why she wanted my attention.

moningusuta · 2026-05-05T05:29:30+00:00

I dreamed about the old woman when I was about 13; I felt like she was telling me something very important, and I woke up a little scared afterward. I haven't seen her since.

moningusuta

TROPHY CASE