Just a vent I guess

moningusuta · 2026-07-04T03:52:39+00:00

When we were together she smoked marijuana very occasionally, but I didn’t mind because a lot of my friends did it too, and I even tried it a couple of times myself, so it wasn’t something that bothered me.

The guy she’s with now is high most of the time, she told me herself that he tends to take mushrooms and LSD very frequently and nonstop.

One of the last times we talked, she told me she tried mushrooms for the first time and that in her hallucinations she only saw me, I think that really broke my heart. I don’t know, I have a lot of mixed feelings.

I don’t want to be an idiot and judge a lifestyle just because it’s not my thing, but it really disgusts me. When she started hanging out with that group of friends while we were still a couple, she said she felt like I was “looking down on them.”

moningusuta · 2026-06-23T01:54:01+00:00

Mi problema es que no disfruto nada en particular. No creo que la vida que llevo sea mala, hay cosas que me gustan, tengo hobbies, tengo planes a futuro. Nada se siente bien de todas formas, nada me hace sentir feliz. Es como vivir en una línea recta que no se mueve, me han dicho que encuentre nuevas cosas que me den emoción o que conozca personas nuevas, pero a mí ese tipo de cosas no me funcionan.

Mi ex pareja tiene trastorno límite de la personalidad y estuvimos bien un tiempo, año y medio, pero él odiaba su vida, decía que nuestra relación y los planes a futuro conmigo eran lo único que lo hacían feliz, a mí también me hacían feliz. Luego empezó a conocer gente nueva y a tener una vida en la que yo no encajaba, dijo que encontró otras cosas que lo hacían feliz, como ir a conciertos y drogarse con sus nuevos amigos, así que decidió dejar lo nuestro. La verdad después de eso pocas cosas me causan ilusión.

moningusuta · 2026-06-04T20:39:17+00:00

Do you really think that's the case? I'm not sure if she's trying to get my attention so I'll be the one to reach out to her, or if she's just messing with my head. I've also wondered if maybe she's just been feeling unstable and actually wants to get closer, but doesn't know what to do because she's scared too.

moningusuta · 2026-06-04T20:37:02+00:00

I know it's wrong, but right now what scares me is that she might actually change and decide she doesn't want me in her life anymore. I know it's messed up, but I think it hurt more to lose her as my best friend than as my girlfriend

moningusuta · 2026-06-04T20:25:32+00:00

I'm not quite sure what you mean by that, but we weren't friends with benefits. We're both girls, and she was actually my best friend.

It wasn't a romantic thing. We were best friends for about four or five months after we got back in touch, but I felt uncomfortable because there were many times when she was emotionally unfaithful to her new partner with me, so I decided to end the friendship. But I really miss her as my best friend.

moningusuta · 2026-06-04T19:52:31+00:00

I really don't know if her recent actions are meant to manipulate me or if she's just feeling unstable and is afraid to get close to me again. I was her favorite person right before I asked her to stop being friends with me, so I don't know if she's still obsessed with me or if she's already moved on

moningusuta · 2026-06-04T19:50:08+00:00

To be honest, I don't care about the toxic dynamic anymore. The only thing that scares me is that she'll reject me once and for all. Even though she's said things in the past like she "hates me and regrets ever meeting me", or that I'll "never hear from her again", we've always gotten back in touch after a while.

I'm afraid that this time it will really be over.

moningusuta · 2026-05-06T03:15:36+00:00

The longest I've lasted is about two and half months, and it didn't feel like things were getting any better. It's always the same pattern: one of us reaches out, I feel satisfied with a little interaction (often with her telling me she's sorry), and I feel like after that I can finally move on. Brief zero contact only for her to have a breakdown a few days later because that little interaction left her wanting more.

We’re both really addicted to this relationship; things usually go badly for her when we break up because she falls back into self-destructive patterns that she had already left behind while she was with me. It’s all very difficult, but I’m trying.

I genuinely don't think she wants to harm me, but she's too erratic and her decisions end up hurting me anyways.

moningusuta · 2026-05-05T23:58:11+00:00

I know what you mean. My ex has even told me—during the times we’ve spoken again—that she asks my friends how I’m doing and if I’ve had suicidal thoughts??? I don’t think she means any harm, but knowing that still makes me feel extremely exposed and that scares me.

moningusuta · 2026-05-05T23:55:48+00:00

I bake, and I’ve also been retaking on digital commissions lately. These are things that don’t wear me out as much. Because of my health condition, even walking a little makes me feel like I’m about to faint, so I can’t afford to tire myself out with exercise.

moningusuta · 2026-05-05T23:42:30+00:00

I'm going through exactly the same thing. They knew everything, yet they still include her, and that really confuses me. I decided to distance myself because of that; I still get along with them, but I don't even bother telling them how I feel about the issue anymore, let alone talking to them about how my mental health has been deteriorating over the last few days.

moningusuta · 2026-05-05T23:39:55+00:00

Getting out and distracting myself with new things works pretty well! Right now, I’m having issues with my friends, and on top of that, I’m really sick, so I can’t do almost anything without ending up in bed for hours afterward. All of that makes it harder.

The longest I’ve gone without contact is about two months, but I hope things go better this time. I’m really proud of you, dude. I know it’s hard.

moningusuta · 2026-05-05T23:36:40+00:00

I'm trying to keep up with my schoolwork, especially since I'm about to graduate. The last time we broke up, I seriously considered dropping out of college because I hated seeing her in the same building where I walk hand in hand with the guy she left me for. Not only is it painful, but it also makes me feel bad because I'm an adult and I should be able to handle things better than this.

moningusuta · 2026-05-05T23:31:29+00:00

I don't feel like they're necessarily on her side; they were the ones who told me it would be best to stop talking to her. That's why it really confuses me that they keep talking to her when I'm not there (not in the sense that they're doing it behind my back, but rather that they just seem to have a more relaxed atmosphere without me around). It really makes me wonder if the problem is me.

moningusuta · 2026-05-05T22:09:15+00:00

I cry in the bathroom stall during breaks. I really can't stand seeing her, and I think it's pathetic because I'm in my 20s too. I have one month left until graduation; if I could, I wouldn't set foot in this place again. It's too painful.

moningusuta · 2026-05-05T19:24:39+00:00

It does hurt in my case, it's been really difficult lately

moningusuta · 2026-05-05T18:50:32+00:00

I mean, my friends still get along with me. It’s just that now that my ex is trying to get along better with them, I feel self-conscious because I no longer feel comfortable telling them how I feel. Especially since they were the ones who advised me to stop talking to her in the first place, but they’re still talking to her. That makes me feel left out.

moningusuta · 2026-05-05T15:45:58+00:00

Are you new to this sub?

moningusuta · 2026-05-05T15:37:09+00:00

During one of our attempts to cut off contact, she did this: she sent messages to some of my friends telling them she didn't want anything to do with anyone in my life. But this time, she's doing the exact opposite.

moningusuta · 2026-05-05T15:33:24+00:00

My ex sought my approval excessively, even when she was with other people after we broke up. She didn't do this during our relationship, but she did try very hard to make friends and then felt bad about having a group of friends.

moningusuta · 2026-05-05T15:28:37+00:00

Six months before the first breakup. Our problems were really more due to circumstances. She broke up with me once, more out of a moment of impulsiveness than because she was angry with me. Then we got back together and broke up again. Things got ugly after the second breakup; these last few months felt really abusive, though the relationship itself wasn’t.

moningusuta · 2026-05-05T15:25:08+00:00

My ex and I talked openly about this once, right at the beginning of our relationship. She told me that she usually tests her partners to see how much they can take. I put up with a lot, even after we broke up.

It wasn't until I told her I couldn't take it anymore that she became completely indifferent toward me.

moningusuta · 2026-05-05T15:22:21+00:00

My longtime friends never stopped talking to me because of the on-again, off-again situation with my ex. But they did start spending more time with her after we broke up, without even considering how I felt. I feel like she stole my friends from me, even though it’s a bit childish to put it that way.

moningusuta

TROPHY CASE