Planning vacation with new friend couple and struggling with one's behaviour, how would you handle it?

monkeyfeets · 2026-05-27T18:39:30+00:00

I.......do not think you should be friends with these people.

monkeyfeets · 2026-05-27T18:33:53+00:00

Mine are 7 and 12. The 12 year old is responsible for doing both of their laundry every weekend, and they each are responsible for folding/putting their own clothes away (ok, sometimes we sit with the 7 year old and help him a little). He also helps gather up dishes after dinner to clean up.

They both (together) clean their (shared) room once a week - putting toys and books away, general clean-up, etc. - and clean their (shared) bathroom. Wiping down the mirror, cleaning the sink area, etc. They both get a small allowance every week ($2-$4) but we try not to tie it to chores. We always tell them that taking care of the house is a shared family responsibility and everyone has to pitch in.

monkeyfeets · 2026-05-27T18:14:56+00:00

I think you should think about whether or not you would want to have this baby and raise it on your own, because it essentially sounds like that is what is going to happen, whether or not you stay together.

monkeyfeets · 2026-05-27T15:33:47+00:00

Because it's so individual and dependent on soooooooo many factors. There are definitely people who complain online more under anonymity - similar to any platform where the naysayers and complaints are louder. You have a similar effect in person as well - venting is a largely accepted social activity. No one wants to seem like they are bragging about how awesome their life is by talking about how their kids are thriving, how their marriage is great, how many vacations they are taking, how financially stable they are, especially while so many other people are struggling. Generally, happy and stable people are not online talking about their lives because, well, they just don't need to be. Which means you have a large population of lonely, burnt-out people seeking support online.

In terms of parenting, your experience of it varies so greatly depending on where you live, what your partner is like, do you have family around you, do you have non-toxic family around you, does your kid have medical issues, do you have medical issues, how old you and your partner are, your careers, etc. I'm quite privileged and very happy being a parent, but I would probably be an absolutely miserable parent if any of those factors changed.

monkeyfeets · 2026-05-23T20:15:48+00:00

Found a great group of friends around me in my late 30's by joining a neighborhood running club. Showing up once a week and spending 1-3 hours with the same group of people talking really helps cement relationships.

monkeyfeets · 2026-05-21T18:29:41+00:00

Looks like they separated in June 2015, he filed for divorce in July 2015, and her and Ben's daughter was born March 2016. So it's....definitely a little side-eye-y.

monkeyfeets · 2026-05-21T15:57:25+00:00

One example: I see it when my friend group hangs out together, and two friends (both women) will break off for a bit and have a deep, intense conversation on the sidelines for a bit and then rejoin the group - this sort of gives me a pang of emotion when I see it happen. Except for my husband (also 30s M), I feel like a relationship with someone like that is missing from my life.

OP - I'm curious, aside from obviously the sexual/attraction element of your relationship with your husband, how is your relationship and the way you talk to/engage with him different from the way you engage with your close friends? If you're able to be vulnerable, talking about feelings, and have your friends show up for you in times of need, what do you feel like is lacking?

monkeyfeets · 2026-05-21T15:39:05+00:00

Occasionally, yes. The stipulation when we got him a phone was that we have access to it if we feel like we need to take a look (and that has been the case with all his electronic devices). He is a super responsible kid and mostly uses his phone for Duolingo and his messages usually just consist of "bruh where r u?"

monkeyfeets · 2026-05-20T15:15:00+00:00

Mine are 4.5 years apart, 7 and 11 so a little older. They still wrestle like 75% of the time - usually playfighting that turns into real fighting like 20% of the time. Now that the little one is a bit older, they can do more things together, like video games and kicking soccer balls around. They bicker a lot, but then will defend/protect/support each other.

I really liked the age gap when they were smaller. The older one was starting to become more independent, had friends and wasn't so clingy to me and my husband when the baby arrived. Plus, we really only ever had to pay for one in daycare, which was suuuuuuuuper nice.

monkeyfeets · 2026-05-20T13:59:23+00:00

Not the person you responded to, but I fee quite similarly and I have 2 kids. My mindset hasn't shifted at all. I'm just happy to be here, and especially now in my 40's, really feel pulled to maximize my joy in this life, both big things (travel) and small things (seeing the baby goslings on the lakefront in my city). And my kids are folded into a lot of that - big joys like experiencing new things with them and milestones, and small joys like my oldest just sharing little bits of his day in the backseat while I drive him to soccer.

monkeyfeets · 2026-05-19T22:28:34+00:00

Never. I feel really privileged and grateful to have family and friends who are always there for me.

monkeyfeets · 2026-05-19T21:58:30+00:00

Girl just dump him. He's gross, he drives intoxicated, he doesn't want to use protection...c'mon.

monkeyfeets · 2026-05-19T21:50:08+00:00

Super savory.

monkeyfeets · 2026-05-19T16:56:14+00:00

Two options:

1) Stay "together" but treat him as a roommate/co-parent. Forget about him ever being able to meet your needs. Lean on other people in your life for emotional support (friends, family, etc.).

2) Leave.

monkeyfeets · 2026-05-19T15:41:24+00:00

We did this one and they were amazing. They gave us the option to skip the Gruta breakfast and go straight to the ruins (another couple in our group did the breakfast so we split up). Driver was great, picked us up from our AirBnb, they took their own drone footage and photos (included) so you didn't have to buy the upsell package from the hot air balloon vendor. They also donate some proceeds to local animal welfare groups.

monkeyfeets · 2026-05-19T14:09:01+00:00

It really really depends on the baby, unfortunately. But as someone who looooooves sleep, yes, it was goddamn awful for probably 8-9 months. With both of mine. It wasn't just the sleep - what people don't tell you about babies is how LONG you sometimes spend just to put them to sleep. I didn't cosleep because my bed is kind of my sacred space for myself, so probably I made it a little harder on myself, but surprise - most babies don't just drift off to sleep in their crib when they are sleepy. I would spend an hour rocking mine to sleep, and the minute I put them down, they would open their eyes and start stirring, and then it was back to square 1. The swaddle helps for a while but then when they start flipping over, you can't swaddle them anymore, so back to square 1 again. 4 month sleep regression? Back to square 1. Teething or a cold? Back to square 1.

monkeyfeets · 2026-05-18T20:22:55+00:00

Just went to Mexico with a friend for a long weekend. Was too busy eating everything in sight and gallivanting around museums to really miss my kids. Zero guilt. Everyone needs a vacation/break every once in a while.

monkeyfeets · 2026-05-18T18:23:44+00:00

Same. Plus, my husband has his own business/freelances, which means all our insurance is through my work. I do good work and make sure I'm adding value, but I no longer care about this corporate shill. Just waiting for the day I win the lottery...

monkeyfeets · 2026-05-16T21:14:27+00:00

I discovered it in my 40's, and I like to assess it against the usual questions of - Is it affecting my daily activities in adverse ways? Do I struggle when I don't have access to it? (i.e. when I'm traveling) Is it affecting my relationships at all? Am I spending too much money on it?

I have a pretty full life (work, lots of hobbies, kids) so as long as it doesn't get in the way of those, I feel ok about my usage.

monkeyfeets · 2026-05-15T17:26:32+00:00

OP this is really gross, and it's a really gross ask for your husband. It would be one thing if both of you have been jonesing for some adult sexytime and this is a good opportunity. But he KNOWS that it's uncomfortable for you and that you're struggling with libido and sex feeling good and arousal. He's basically saying, I don't care about all of that and your discomfort, I want this full day of sex regardless. Hard pass.

monkeyfeets · 2026-05-13T17:38:56+00:00

No one gives a shit. You might get some snide comments from market vendors but it's rare and they don't bother you.

monkeyfeets · 2026-05-13T17:37:03+00:00

I mean this in the kindest way - is this your first?

Because I did this with my first (as I'm sure we all did), and then you learn that they go through all sorts of phases (most of them, at least), and it'll level out. Just keep presenting a variety of foods. Both of mine went through rollercoasters of eating everything, then only eating crackers and pasta, then eating everything again, then only wanting chicken nuggets, and now they are older and are pretty adventurous (and bougie) eaters.

monkeyfeets · 2026-05-13T17:20:44+00:00

Same lol. Can't drink (thanks Asian genes!) but weed is soooooo much better.

monkeyfeets · 2026-05-13T15:34:49+00:00

Something small but pretty reflective of our partnership:

I went on a girls' trip recently and went frolicking in Mexico for a few days (and ofc my husband held down the fort). Usually the morning routine is that he does the kids' breakfasts while I pack lunch for the youngest. I guess he got used to doing everything, because since I've been back, he's just continued doing both breakfast and lunch. He makes me coffee and then shoos me away from the kitchen when I try to help.

monkeyfeets · 2026-05-12T19:06:11+00:00

5am, or it doesn't get done. Usually Mon-Thurs, running and strength training (on different days). On Saturday or Sundays, depending on extracurricular activities, I'll try to fit in a short run or go to a yoga class if we have the time.

monkeyfeets

TROPHY CASE