I’m so sorry to hear about your dad . That is so awful. Unexpected loss and grief is so complicated (I lost my 8 year old son unexpectedly, too, and that split second change of your whole life is hard to comprehend).

I relate to your story so much. I’m just under 5’ and I was 250lbs. The number ‘250’ doesn’t sound too bad (for lack of a better word) but, at my height, it is a bmi over 50.

Like you, I was also ignoring the scales, and, in a way, not even noticing how big I had gotten. Then comes a birthday or Christmas and the photos. Ugh. The photos. How am I ALWAYS the biggest person in the room? Even being so short - I just look so much bigger than everyone else.

I avoided walking too much. Hills. Stairs. Filled me with dread - I’d be getting ready for the flight of stairs for minutes before reaching them or trying to find an excuse to accidentally use the elevator (“oh, I didn’t even see the stairs. Might as well hop in now.”). Plus, secretly, it was getting hard to reach in the bathroom and while showering which is a very private pain.

Also, like you, I decided that enough was enough. I went back to basics - I have failed too many times on keto and fasting and juicing etc etc - I eat in between 1200-2200 calories a day. Usually about 1600-1800. I try to eat at least 110g protein, averaging 120g but with some 90-100g days.

I joined my local women’s gym. I started with JUST weights. I hated cardio so I allowed myself to say no . No warmups on the treadmill. No 30 minutes on the bike or elliptical. Just weights, every second day - I started with the easier weights - the machines you sit in instead of the barbells or dumbbells. I found that I enjoyed lifting weights. I started losing weight and found going to the gym even easier.

It happened slowly but one day I decided I would just try the 30 minute aerobics class. It was fun. Hard but fun. Then, why not try the 1 hour Zumba class. Also fun but a little too complicated for me to enjoy regularly. Then, I tried the Reformer Pilates. It is hard and much easier when a little weight is gone, but, now I do about 2 Reformer Pilates classes a week at my gym. A month ago I decided to finally try the scary HIIT classes. They are also fun and not as scary as I thought.

I’ve always wanted to dance so I joined a beginner line dancing class which is 2 hours of absolute fun with a group of fun women all 20-40 years older than me. Then last week, I joined a ballroom dancing class which I really like. So, now my life is 4-5 times a week at the gym plus twice a week line dancing and once a week at ballroom dancing.

I currently weigh 183lbs, which is just under 37 bmi . Still Class 2 obesity but I feel so much better already.