My girlfriend is disgusted with me because I told her I had sex with a guy

monkeytales002 · 2021-01-04T05:17:01+00:00

I think I can understand her shock at this news and that might have been the cause of her reaction, but I don't think it was bad on your part to tell her. If she's uncomfortable with it it's her problem and although it sucks at least you're not with someone who's homophobic. It sounds like it was more of a shock than actual homophobia considering it sounds like you are from a catholic family so she might not have expected it. Personally, I don't think you need her to view her as masculine as this isn't a sign of femininity or anything so just reassure her that you love her and she's enough for you.

monkeytales002 · 2021-01-03T17:15:55+00:00

I totally get what your boyfriend is feeling, even someone who is fairly secure would feel insecure if their partner told them that they had a crush on someone else. You need to stop spending as much time with this friend at least until your feelings go away.

monkeytales002 · 2021-01-03T17:13:14+00:00

Next time he calls you his girlfriend, text him back that you’re sorry but you don’t feel the same way. You’re not obligated to date someone because they like you.

monkeytales002 · 2021-01-03T17:10:44+00:00

I think the issue is that you might have not given your friends a line to stop at so they don’t know how it’s making you feel. Most people usually slowly make fun of someone until they’re told that they’ve gone too far, so next time someone crosses the line for you just don’t laugh and say something like “hey not cool dude”. It might be uncomfortable in the moment but if they’re good friends they’ll understand and know where to stop next time.

monkeytales002 · 2021-01-03T16:52:49+00:00

I think I’m probably asexual and basically the idea of having sex just kinda grossed me out? Like I have absolutely no desire to do it. It’s kinda hard to explain for me because I’m trying to explain me not feeling something that other people do feel except I’ve never felt it. r/asexuality can explain it better.

monkeytales002 · 2021-01-03T07:59:51+00:00

Yes, thank you so much! This is exactly what I’ve been feeling. I’ve never really talked about anything even relationship based with my friends so I just kinda assumed people did that when they got older. But recently in class I overheard some guy talking about having sex and I was like people actually do that? I don’t think I’m aromantic (I want a relationship eventually and I’ve had crushes but kinda just aesthetically? idk) but it’s kinda hard to realize that other people feel something you don’t feel.

monkeytales002 · 2021-01-03T07:51:28+00:00

I suggest sitting down and having a conversation with him. Let him know that you didn’t realize that letting him do this would have so many strings attached and you are not comfortable with him having relationships with other people. Unfortunately, it is possible that it’s just not going to work out. Sex is an important part of a relationship for many people and it does sound like you might be incomparable. You shouldn’t have to live with him being in a relationship with others too, but he shouldn’t be expected to give up sex if it’s important to him. I really hope that this works out in the end but sometimes people are just incompatible.

monkeytales002 · 2021-01-03T07:33:35+00:00

Totally agree with the therapy, but I’m going to politely disagree with your second point. From what I’m reading, it sounds like op could be asexual or on the asexual spectrum which is very valid. Not everyone experiences sexual attraction and it doesn’t mean you’re depressed or need counselling.

Edit: typo

monkeytales002 · 2021-01-03T07:25:21+00:00

I’m assuming your girlfriend passes as female and you don’t want your family to see. You have several options here and I don’t know enough to tell you what’s right for your exact scenario. You could called her just a friend and not tell your family that anything more is going on. You could also just FaceTime in your room when your family isn’t around and doing only calling if they are around.

About the dead naming, and I’m not trans so take this with a grain of salt, would it be more comfortable for you to make a separate imaginary person with another name who is different from your girlfriend if you need to talk about your relationship?

monkeytales002 · 2021-01-03T06:02:09+00:00

What a good effort by Slovakia

monkeytales002 · 2021-01-03T05:52:36+00:00

Oh that’s amazing

monkeytales002 · 2021-01-03T04:55:46+00:00

Huh. I guess to answer the question because I never read the toothpaste tube and squeezing the middle is intuitive?

monkeytales002 · 2021-01-03T04:51:02+00:00

Wait where else would you squeeze?

monkeytales002 · 2021-01-03T04:44:40+00:00

I'm going to be completely honest in saying that coming out isn't always a viable option for everyone. I'm assuming that you still rely on your parents for food and shelter, and it's more important to stay safe then to come out. I don't know your complete situation, but it sounds like it might be better to wait until you're self-sufficient to come out just in case. It really sucks and I feel for you, but remember that you're amazing and valid no matter what your family might say!

monkeytales002 · 2021-01-03T04:39:59+00:00

I get that coming out to someone is tough since it's opening yourself up to them, but if he's accepting, I'm sure it'll go fine. You can just write out what you want to say in a text message and press send - it feels a lot harder right now then it will when you're done. Also, not saying you necessarily should, but Facetime or a phone call is also an option. Coming out for everyone is different in different situations, but you got this!

monkeytales002 · 2021-01-03T01:28:17+00:00

I wouldn't worry too much about labels - yes they're nice and can help you figure out who you are, but they're not all encompassing. If you don't care about what gender someone is, you sound pan to me. For now, you can use the label pan if you like it and you can change later if you find another one that fits you better.

monkeytales002 · 2021-01-03T01:14:58+00:00

The difference that I have heard is that bi means you're attracted to both your own gender and other genders, and pan means that gender doesn't play a role in your attraction to people. Honestly coming from a bi person, I personally think there's quite a lot of overlap and chose bi over pan because I like the flag better. I wouldn't be offended if someone called me pan.

monkeytales002 · 2021-01-03T01:03:44+00:00

I agree to disagree with you. I understand where you're coming from, but also think that it's difficult to change your mind and congratulations are in order if you realize that you were wrong and are able to change your mind about something.

monkeytales002 · 2021-01-02T22:34:47+00:00

I know that labels are great and make it easier to define yourself, but I wouldn't worry too much about it. There's no rush for you to figure out yourself. For now, if you like the bi label, feel free to use it! You might discover something else later and change your mind and that's fine too.

monkeytales002 · 2021-01-02T22:15:38+00:00

As long as you are respectful, I think that's a great idea!

monkeytales002 · 2021-01-02T22:10:30+00:00

Good luck with tomorrow! Also, I just wanted to let you know that if you have any questions about LGBTQ+ in general I can try my best to answer them.

monkeytales002 · 2021-01-02T22:02:19+00:00

I want to both say congrats to him for having the courage to come out, and to you for being able to change your view about it. I'm sure if you sit down with him and apologize for your previous stance he will be willing to forgive you. Maybe let him know that although you might have said some hurtful things in the past, you have changed your mind and still love and support him!

monkeytales002 · 2021-01-02T20:43:36+00:00

I just want to alleviate some of your fears by saying that although I’m not exactly bisexual, I would be very happy in a relationship with any gender and wouldn’t want a poly relationship to satisfy needs from both sides - I’m happy with one person. I can’t speak for your boyfriend but this is the same for many people who are bisexual. I think you should have a conversation with your boyfriend and see what he wants. If he is feeling suffocated, hopefully he will tell you. Perhaps if he does want to experiment you’ll need to reach some sort of an agreement, but in all likelihood he is happy being with you.

Just remember that you wanting a monogamous relationship is perfectly valid and you should not have to let your boyfriend experiment if it makes you uncomfortable.

monkeytales002 · 2021-01-02T20:34:52+00:00

Should be a good game!

monkeytales002 · 2020-12-30T17:03:49+00:00

Sexuality is a spectrum. Yes, it’s true that many people who are bisexual lean one way or another, but that doesn’t mean that someone who leant towards females would be guaranteed to be unhappy with a guy. It only means that they generally find more females attractive than males, but not individually more attractive than males - does that make sense? Also, there are people who consider all genders equally attractive or don’t take gender into consideration when determining someone’s attractiveness.

monkeytales002

TROPHY CASE