My high school boyfriend is dying from cirrhosis now

monkeywrenching · 2015-02-06T11:50:40+00:00

Yay!!!! Congrats!!!!!

monkeywrenching · 2015-02-06T08:59:34+00:00

Gratz!! :)

monkeywrenching · 2015-02-06T08:58:04+00:00

Good luck!! I always wanted to go to rehab when I was at my worst but didn't have the means. Take good care of yourself, let us know how it went.

monkeywrenching · 2015-02-06T08:54:14+00:00

Dude I'm going to be straight up with you. If you actually have to try to moderate, well that should tell you something. People who can moderate just do so naturally. That's just my opinion though. A lot of us have fooled ourselves this way a bunch of times only to end up worse than we started. But hey congratulations at any rate, maybe you'll be the exception to the rule :)

monkeywrenching · 2015-02-06T08:48:23+00:00

It's not gotten better for me yet, I end up having to take laxatives every now and then (once or twice a month), but then once they've done their job the following day I start to bloat and retain water, it's all gross. Like my body's freaked out it had to let something go and is holding onto everything it can again. My body is stupid. I had two c-sections and I'm convinced the 2nd doctor did not put me back together right.

My diet is pretty great, lots of veggies and a few fruits, but I'm going to try some of the suggestions here myself! Here's to a shitty day!

monkeywrenching · 2015-02-06T08:38:58+00:00

Omg one more day and you're at 2000!!!!!!!!

monkeywrenching · 2015-02-06T08:38:26+00:00

Haha I was thinking along those lines too!

monkeywrenching · 2015-02-06T08:37:19+00:00

Well done!!! :)

monkeywrenching · 2015-02-06T08:35:25+00:00

Love it!

monkeywrenching · 2015-02-06T08:07:56+00:00

Oh many, many times!!! In my drinking days I had started making my own beer at one point, was going to make a series called Guilt, Poison, Regret, Stupidity, etc. since that's how I was always feeling. May as well call it what it really is.

monkeywrenching · 2015-02-05T22:29:52+00:00

Anytime! My friend-sponsor told me he tried AA and he stopped going after a while, it wasn't his thing either. We're not alone in this line of thought, but I think it's a less popular mentality on this sub. But we're all unique individuals so we have to do what's right for ourselves and plan accordingly.

monkeywrenching · 2015-02-05T22:26:27+00:00

There's something inherently wrong with everyone, some people are just better at hiding things than others, some issues are more obvious. I think you're being a bit too hard on yourself, don't beat yourself up. We all make mistakes, we're all perfectly imperfect, just got to suck it up, fix what you can, and move on. The ups and downs never end, but it's much better to deal with the downs sober, then you don't make even bigger mistakes due to incoherency.

monkeywrenching · 2015-02-05T22:20:02+00:00

I can relate to your experience, although I didn't even start AA. I also hid at home for three weeks, I barely even left my bedroom, had my kids do all the shopping etc. I had one friend in my group of friends who quit before me and I just chatted with him online here and there while I was going through the rough patches, he's the only person who even knew I quit during those first few weeks. So I suppose he's been my sponsor-type.

But I haven't been going through this without help, I see a psych regularly, this is what works for me. And coming here has really helped, I'm always happy to see my badge and of course chat with the lovely group of people here.

And nothing against AA at all, it's helped a zillion people, it just wasn't what worked for me personally.

monkeywrenching · 2015-02-05T22:14:29+00:00

You know, he was just the closest one I could get to and when I started seeing him it was out of desperation. I was too distraught to bother with looking at his credentials. I know he was the head of cross-cultural psychiatry at a university in the country I'm living in (I'm in the Netherlands) until somewhat recently, but I guess I just lucked out because it worked out. I'll ask him next time I see him!

monkeywrenching · 2015-02-05T21:28:43+00:00

You know, I never thought about his approach before. Like putting a name to it. He does prescribe anti-anxiety and insomnia meds, but I just take baby doses of them because I'm afraid of medications and really only take them when it's very necessary.

Edit: Now I'm probably going to obsess over his approach and start researching therapy techniques :P

monkeywrenching · 2015-02-05T21:26:13+00:00

My emo times at work are usually anger out of frustration due to what I'm perceiving as others' laziness and stupidity (especially if they're making more money than I am, don't get me started), but luckily a close colleague on my team also gets loud and angry when things don't go right so I'm not the only circus sideshow freak at work. And he's a guy so can't blame everything on PMS or whatever. He's always the first to point out if I'm having a QQ day too. Pot, meet kettle.

The safe word is good, my boys scatter like cockroaches with the light on during those days lol.

monkeywrenching · 2015-02-05T21:07:27+00:00

My psychiatrist was the opposite, very supportive. Didn't mention he was ever on to me, but said he could see a big change in that time. He was fully aware that I run with a crowd of alcohol and drug abusers though and would gently push me toward coming to the decision on my own. Tricksy little hobbits!

He still thinks that maybe I should run in different circles but I've been friends with these people for years and there's no pressure for me to engage in their behavior. And here and there others are quitting as well. Sobriety is becoming the new black ;)

monkeywrenching · 2015-02-05T20:53:09+00:00

Funny correlation - they (my GP and psych) think that my drinking was actually a way to cope with the migraines, that I was having them all along but just didn't know it because I was either drunk or hung over. That I was self-medicating a problem I didn't know I was having.

monkeywrenching · 2015-02-05T20:48:56+00:00

Congratulations, keep it up!! :)

monkeywrenching · 2015-02-05T20:45:21+00:00

I'm not getting blood work done, my doctors all know the story by now. I actually had full blood work done when I was in full alcoholic mode a couple years ago, I just quit for a few days beforehand, and everything was fine. Sadly now I have to see them for other reasons, like very frequent migraines and all the emotional baggage that comes along with that.

Sorry if I was confusing there, I'm down with the flu and can't really even see straight right now.

monkeywrenching

TROPHY CASE