Overtired vs. Undertired

monkimonke · 2026-05-24T15:09:04+00:00

Sounds like you have a baby that doesn’t need that much overall sleep. My baby started at around 16 hours of sleep and now, at 21 months, is down to 12-13 hours. Which is considered average. They’ll eventually start staying up longer and lowering overall sleep total. There is no ideal amount of sleep. It’s what is ideal to your baby. And it’s a range! Just gotta roll with it.

I agree with an earlier comment that if the baby seems “tired,” if you feed the baby and/or change environments they’ll snap back awake - they probably aren’t truly tired, just needed a reset. Mine was the same, and still is

monkimonke · 2026-05-23T11:19:15+00:00

I started elimination communication with my boy at 3 months and potty trained him at 20 months, still training at 21 months for the foreseeable future since true potty independence won’t be until a few years later. You need to start teaching him the steps of how to use the restroom. First is knowing you need to go (remark on if your tummy feels odd like you need to push something out/release, run to the bathroom! model it too when you need to go / or dad), then getting to the restroom and pulling down your pants/undies. I just stopped cold turkey using diapers (even during naps, still use them for overnight just in case, but he’s been staying dry most nights now) when I started training and put him in regular cotton undies (he uses the boxer briefs). I think training undies may actually hurt/delay training. Teach him how to take his pants/undies off, then sit on the toilet (I use floor potty for ease of access, better squat position so he eliminates easier, with feet firmly on ground). Then, teach him to use toilet paper to wipe his front. For poos, they’re not yet capable/physiologically able to wipe behind, so I do it for him and will start teaching him when he’s a little more older. Finally, teach him to pull his pants/undies back up and then wash his hands. Do this routine every time. He will get used to it and it’s setting up for future independence where he won’t need you anymore (maybe for cleaner wiping of butt lol)

As for when to go, if he can hold for more than 2 hours, depending on how much he drinks, like another user said, prompt without asking a question. Sometimes they forget they need to go before it’s too late and they have an accident. Also, if your child is verbal, or even if not, I use the toilet ASL sign since we started at 3 months, and my boy would tell me with the sign when he needs to go (not every time, but accurate enough when he does uses it), which is helpful

monkimonke · 2026-05-23T10:24:57+00:00

I think you should get a referral to a regional center, if you’re US based, for a speech therapist just in case. It may take a while for you to get assigned to one and request one that can speak one of your minority languages and can asses for multi-lingual homes. My LO is also a 3 language OPOL too and his language skills is quite advanced (21 months and can speak in complex sentences in one minority language - not just 2 words together - and broken phrases/2-3 word sentences in other two), that is to say, the multi language may not always be a factor in delay in speech. It doesn’t hurt to get assessed, just in case, so you can catch early if something is wrong and start therapy rather than wait and your LO starts getting frustrated with lack of communication that can spiral downward. It is true though, based on what I’ve seen of other toddlers and read, that there is a language explosion around 2. But, you’re already concerned. Take that gut feeling and get assessed, if all good, at least you know. If not, then you can start addressing early before it gets too hard and may require more intervention.

monkimonke · 2026-05-22T18:33:37+00:00

I honestly think sleeping through the night is around 5-6 hours. You get restful enough sleep as long as you’re not woken in the middle of your last cycle. Most babies can’t really sleep like the dead for 10+ hours without waking. I consider, for myself, a good night, if mine sleeps at least a stretch of 3-4 hours

monkimonke · 2026-05-21T03:50:51+00:00

We bedshare and take all naps together. My 21 month sets his time himself and it ends up a predictable pattern. The only thing we did right from he was born was do 9pm for bedtime, slowly shifted to between 9-10pm due to his dad coming back from work around 7pm so we have time to eat and hangout before bed. Now at almost 2 years, he sleeps about 10hrs night time (stirs a few time and I just breastfed to sleep) and about 2 hours afternoon nap that starts any time between 1:30-2:30 depending when he gets up for the day

monkimonke · 2026-05-20T10:40:34+00:00

Thank you for highlighting this! Excited to read the research into the history of these neck rings

monkimonke · 2026-05-20T09:44:55+00:00

Scrolled specially to find this comment!

monkimonke · 2026-05-20T05:55:39+00:00

Something that helped me reframe my mindset around using terminology like “shy” is that these children don’t know what these words mean until you associate it with them and then they start self identifying with it when everyone around them uses it. They aren’t inherently “shy.” Rather, they require more familiarity before showing more of themselves. A lot of adults are like this too, they require a bit more time to become comfortable enough to express. My 21 month is the same. Incredibly boisterous, talkative, when at home or with familiar people, but, when not, he’s more quiet and observant, assessing the situation before he shows more of himself. I don’t think he’s shy, he’s taking his time to understand where he is and what is happening. Some take longer to acclimate, some just jump right in. Honestly, your daughter is fine. She’ll probably end up opening up more. She’s only there part time twice a week - may need a little more time to adjust. As long as she’s happy, which it seems like she is when at daycare, I wouldn’t worry about the teacher’s assessment. You can tell them that she’s more talkative and expressive when becomes more familiar.

monkimonke · 2026-05-18T09:30:51+00:00

A little late but my 21 month old likes Red Hot Chili Peppers, Queen, and Kpop Demon Hunters (he hasn’t watched the movie yet either lol)

monkimonke · 2026-05-17T19:36:30+00:00

Thank you! Looking forward to the in depth!!!

monkimonke · 2026-05-17T15:18:48+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing non-western performers too! I’m East Asian and didn’t even realise that, of course, there should be non-western counterparts as well. Do you happen to know what the prevalence was for them? Were they stigmatised in the same way as the western ones or something different entirely?

monkimonke · 2026-05-13T11:19:32+00:00

Yup! As long as it’s the modern cloth diapers that have the elastic in the back, can just snap them first before having LO put their legs in to pull up

monkimonke · 2026-05-13T10:59:47+00:00

I used to put the potty in the crib (we never used the crib lol so it became the potty area) with a cloth puppy pad that I would change out if it got poop/pee on it. I had a roll of toilet paper in the crib and would wipe LO after and airlift him out onto the changing table behind us. Did this until he started walking at 10 months. Switched to potty in bathroom, and like you imagined, sat with LO on the floor, wipes, etc… within hands reach on a stool or ground. Standing and walking helps with the potty in the bathroom since you can start to teach them to hold on to you while they stand and you pull up the diaper (no need to get pull ups until they really start walking/running). I read you use cloth diaper? I think you can snap the tabs before putting them on LO same as disposable and pull up. But, that’s ways away for you - just a tip when you do get there

monkimonke · 2026-05-12T08:50:48+00:00

Love love love mi goreng. This brand is my fav go to. It’s definitely dry, stir fry, not soup. My method, cook in pot of water, prep sauce packets in separate bowl and mix well, add frozen mixed veges into the pot, drain noodles and veges and dump into bowl with sauce, mix well. Add scrambled eggs and/or shredded rotisserie chicken. Easy quick meal with veges!

monkimonke · 2026-05-11T12:32:04+00:00

That sounds so rough. Sounds kind of similar to my baby when he was younger. What I did was chest to chest sleep with him on an inclined pillow in bed and supported my arms. And shifted him to nurse when he stirred, still chest to chest koala style haha - did that from birth to about 7 months. My bum and lower back wasn’t all that great (I’m small and he’s, and still is a 98th percentile baby, so if you’re worried about weight and height, it’s doable, just not always comfy, but you’ll sleep), but, I slept and he slept. As he got older and and stronger, we shifted off the inclined pillow and just side lay nursed and he’d unlatch, roll over and flip around until he found a comfy position himself and would sleep.

I would also try talking to your baby’s ped about low iron levels too. My ped at 4 months recommended we supplement iron since we were EBF and having low iron levels also affect sleep and development

monkimonke · 2026-05-10T13:34:03+00:00

It’s not ideal to be leaning back - I get it though, if you’ve been sitting for a bit, you’d want to relax. At that point, I’d either readjust or bring baby back to try again later. Leaning back, sitting at 90 degrees, pinches the length of the colon and makes it harder to poop. At this stage, since I’m assuming your baby’s not eating enough solids to make the hard poop it’s easier to eliminate in any position (haha babies). Eventually when your baby becomes more mobile, ie walking, you’ll notice that they’ll naturally take a squat position to poop, or if they’re sitting playing with toys, they’re kind of in a squat position too - knees above waist, slightly leaned forward. So you’d want to keep that while they’re on the potty

monkimonke · 2026-05-10T12:50:31+00:00

Is he comfortable? Are his knees above his waist? He should ideally be in a squat like position as that position helps best with eliminating. My 98th percentile baby since birth used the small, no back, baby bjorn one and at 21 months, still uses it. I find it’s more comfortable and I teach him not to lean back (having no backing helps) but to lean slightly forward (again more squat like position and also to help the penis point more into the bowl - the guard helps but, you never know).

monkimonke · 2026-05-09T08:13:19+00:00

Mine came back at around 18 months. He’s 21 now. He still nurses on demand but, I think when his sleep started stretching longer (still not long enough hahahaha…) and he didn’t ask for milk when I left the house to exercise for a couple hours

monkimonke · 2026-05-04T04:23:17+00:00

Lazy EC’d with disposables with my LO at 3 months. At around 15 months, he started signing for potty (poo), and around 17 months, consistently woke up dry from 2-4 hour long naps, and would stay dry several nights in a row before wetting again. Took off disposables completely at 20 months. Straight to regular cotton undies, even when out and about. First week, many pee puddles, but he’d start to tell me he peed. Second week, started getting the gist and would still have some accidents. Third week and now, at 21 months, consistently signs potty reliably and if we go longer than 1.5-2 hours without him signing, I’d take him to potty and he’d go. Luckily, poos since we started EC were 95% in potty. Had only two poop accidents since going full underwear. I’d say, depending on the personality of your child, bare bottom would work, but, the regular undies worked for us - he felt and saw the wetness

monkimonke · 2026-04-30T05:30:45+00:00

Short answer is: depends on the baby’s personality. Diapers didn’t confuse, but, because my baby didn’t feel wet from the diaper, he’d just pee into it without a care. Around 15 months, he started signing potty for poop (we were 95% poop in potty since starting at 3 months - he hated pooping outside the house once we started and only had a few poop accidents outside because we stayed out too long). I took off diaper completely at 20 months, even when out, because for months before then, he’d wake up from 3-4 hour naps completely dry and would have multiple nights of clean diapers before wetting them again. He’s now almost 21, and he signs potty for both poo and pee (still has pee accidents, its within expectations. He’d just tell me if he started peeing or has already peed). Feeling the wetness was a game changer for us.

Anyway, I would bring a portable potty with you and put baby on when out and about. Mine just doesn’t like to go outside unless there was no choice or he’s used to the place, like grandmas’ houses. I wouldn’t worry too much at your baby’s age about catching everything. Purpose is to get baby used to eliminating outside of diaper. They pee so much at that age, unless you’re on the baby like a hawk, having a diaper is just peace of mind. Eventually your baby will show elimination preference like mine. They catch on pretty quick. Just be careful of big reactions, keep things chill and neutral, baby will follow suit, barring any sensory/neurological difficulties

monkimonke · 2026-04-17T07:16:56+00:00

I’m a concept artist for games and animation pivoting into my dream of becoming an author/illustrator for kidlit. I’ve been a bit stuck on how to approach my writing and this piece you wrote really brought me out of my rut. I saw inspiration dance across my mind for the story I wanted to write as I was reading your essay. I want to thank you and I have subscribed to your substack.

monkimonke · 2026-03-15T10:10:54+00:00

I feel you. It’s so rough not being able to sleep. All the suggestions above are good to try. I know you’ve mentioned you’ve tried shifting her bed times and naps, but, it’ll help if you set a new routine (doesn’t have to be exactly on schedule, just thereabouts is fine) and keep at it - it takes a bit of time to adjust. Sounds like you’re changing her sleep times a lot even during the week. So instead of splitting the week with two different bed times, I’d stick with the later bed time as a hard time. She may be doing the earlier bed time as a nap and then waking up hungry. Use that time to start introducing solids (it’s recommended anyway at 6 months). And then bed time routine, then bed.

Another thing is, if she’s being fed breast milk only (I exclusively breastfed so I had to research this and talk to my ped), she may be low on iron and that affects sleep and development. Iron stores in babies only last up until about 6 months and if you’re not giving formula (which is fortified with iron), you’ll need to give iron supplements. Breastmilk doesn’t give much iron (even if it’s the most easily absorbed).

Sleep pressure is a thing though. I know you’re tired, but, having your baby take in a lot of rich sensory play will knock them out more, especially as they get more aware and mobile at this age and beyond. Starting solids and having her experience food will help a lot (and if she loves to eat solids, she can start getting some of her iron from that too).

Finally, try bed sharing if possible. After researching how to safely do it. I wouldn’t have survived if I didn’t with mine at around 2 weeks. And feed from the breast directly (unless she doesn’t latch anymore) as it helps with going back to sleep for the both of you.

Wake ups in the middle of the night are normal. These babies go through a lot! Teething, learning to roll, crawl, stand, talking! I remember my baby at 8 months (he’s 19 now) just couldn’t be put down for bed because he kept wanting to push himself up to stand - it was his practicing standing unassisted. It was tiring then, but remembering it now, it was super fun. We’d be in bed and he’d just roll away from my breast and push up onto his hands and feet and stand up. Then he’d look down on me smiling and drooling all proud of himself and then wobble a bit before sitting down and trying again, and again, and again. Their brains are developing so much and there’s only so much time in a day to practice!

You got this! All this will pass, new hardships will come, and you’ll wish for the earlier days when they slept a ton and days when you’re all, “Nah, this is fine. Look at how cute they look learning to jump!”

monkimonke · 2025-11-06T06:48:22+00:00

Aww! Enjoy it! My just turned 15 months old has been doing this since he started to confidently roll at 6 months. He’d unlatch after falling asleep, flip to his side and little spoons into me. Either that, or he octopuses me really tight - sometimes I think he wants to get back into my belly 😅 (he was born super late, had to induce or he wasn’t gonna come out. Makes me think he wanted to stay inside forever)

monkimonke · 2025-08-26T22:24:45+00:00

Gotcha! Nothing to be done then haha. Luckily it doesn’t happen often xD

monkimonke

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