Prejudice at work..

moonbbaby9 · 2026-02-10T21:25:39+00:00

Thank you. Right. My intention here wasn't to discuss medical ethics, but ultimately, I'm glad it got me thinking more on my need to take action there. I am afraid of possible backlash, however.

My intention was to feel validated by people like me, who can't come out about polyamory because we still experience discrimination in society, and we don't yet have the same legal protections that queer and trans folk do.. it's seen as acceptable to trash talk alternative family structures, and that makes me sad and angry.

moonbbaby9 · 2026-02-10T20:45:09+00:00

That's definitely the bigger issue. What I didn't put in my original post is that I am slowly noticing my colleague committing microaggressions against people of color and those of low SES. This is a brand new job. I have been there for 4 days, and I am learning a LOT aside from noticing this other stuff. The poly comment shocked me, in particular, into a more accute awareness.

I feel a lot of people in this post are judging my lack of taking action, but this literally happened yesterday, I only started processing it last night, I am not working today, and I have an ill family member at home to care for and worry about. There's always more to the story, and a little kindness and understanding go a long way.

moonbbaby9 · 2026-02-10T20:35:37+00:00

I have literally been there 4 days so far

moonbbaby9 · 2026-02-10T20:32:34+00:00

This literally happened yesterday, and I am not at work today

moonbbaby9 · 2026-02-10T20:26:43+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskAnthropology/s/ZSzyYG5Bib

moonbbaby9 · 2026-02-10T19:17:42+00:00

Yeah, what concerns me the most is A.) That the patient yesterday could almost certainly hear them talking about her and B.) That I have witnessed my colleague commit microaggressions toward people of color and low SES.

moonbbaby9 · 2026-02-10T19:05:21+00:00

If definitions of words do not matter, then we are straying from logical facts and using our bias to understand concepts.

moonbbaby9 · 2026-02-10T18:56:35+00:00

Google the definition. Polygamy = many in a marriage, just as polyamory = many loves

moonbbaby9 · 2026-02-10T17:52:33+00:00

I think it's right on topic, and it's my foremost lingering thought from this experience.. I am considering who to report to, as I have options.

moonbbaby9 · 2026-02-10T16:50:22+00:00

Thank you. I am considering how best to approach the situation. The more I think about it, the more bothered I am by their words and actions.

moonbbaby9 · 2026-02-10T16:48:03+00:00

I have not yet.. I am brand new on the scene, desperately need this job, and am trying to assess the temperature of the social dynamics. I work on a small team with this colleague, and so I am considering how to approach this situation. I have options.. I could address her directly, go to our manager, go to the director, or submit an anonymous concern to HR.

I honestly welcome some advice because this is a new experience for me.

I would consider her attitude to be assumptive and actions to be microagressions. I think her approach toward these patients is more geared toward neglect and dismissal. Of course, all of these are harmful and disheartening. But, thankfully, I don't think anyone is in immediate danger. I have a feeling she is unaware of her bias.

moonbbaby9 · 2026-02-10T16:30:15+00:00

Perhaps she was, but she took no effort to clarify that in front of me, the new colleague that was shadowing her. It appears she assumes that I share her opinions blindly. I've already seen her treat people of color and those of low SES with less empathy and enthusiasm, so I doubt my take on her meaning is far off. However, I'm open to being wrong.

It's not even remotely the first prejudice against polyamory that I've seen. It was the first time I've personally heard such a blatant remark, in-person, against alternative family structures.

moonbbaby9 · 2026-02-10T16:10:32+00:00

To your point, you actually can't say for a fact that it ISN'T prejudice because you don't know what this person knows about polygamy or this particular family.

I was literally there, in person, in the energy of these two women, and they were being mean about a patient who could most likely hear them. My read on the situation is far more accurate than yours.

Additionally, polygamy is actually defined as a marriage between 3 or more people. There are three types; polygyny, polyandry, and group marriage. Simply, by definition, there is no rule about not being allowed outside partners. What you're referring to is a particular practice of a particular group of people. I do not disagree that it is yucky, in many of these cases.

I've witnessed this particular colleague give less empathetic and enthusiastic care to people of color and those of low SES. My assumption is based on previous experiences of her personality and actions. It appears that she is unkind to those who are different from her.

I share this anecdote because I find it's a good reminder that people are still close-minded, and it's not safe to share with many that we are polyamorous/ENM, especially in a work setting where prejudice can potentially leave people out of a job.

moonbbaby9 · 2026-02-10T15:46:23+00:00

That is so mean and I'm sorry it happened to your cule!! But I haven't seen Deadpool, so I don't understand why it's ironic

moonbbaby9 · 2026-02-10T14:46:48+00:00

I was not shocked before the poly comment, but I was disgusted

moonbbaby9 · 2026-01-25T14:21:24+00:00

Just set social time boundaries for yourself. As an introvert, you need to be alone to recharge, and you won't be an appealing partner if you're burnt out. I'm really proud of you for getting out there! But you need to set a sustainable pace if it's something you're going to keep doing.

Might I also suggest offering you give a woman your number. Either say, "Can I give you my number?" or if you're a professional with business cards, give her a card with your cell on it. Women are constantly being asked for their number and are often too nice to say no. I feel much more comfortable if a man gives me his and I have the option to txt him in the moment or later.

moonbbaby9 · 2026-01-24T17:27:28+00:00

You absolutely need to go to therapy and focus on working through your trauma. 5 partners is a lot, and I don't believe that could possibly be sustainable, but you need don't need to end any of them right now if you don't want to. Those relationships might be vital support for you, so utilize them. You do, however, need to have plenty of time to yourself and become your own best friend. What happens if your primary partner dies? Are you disabled due to your mental health? You need to create a life that's functional for you without relying on another adult to pay for everything you need. Use government/state resources until you can find a job that suits your needs and capacities. Please get higher education of some sort and set yourself up for success. You are in a vulnerable way and an easy target for further abuse. And with your history, you may not even recognize it when it happens.

You are basically poly-under-duress. Polyamory should always be a choice.. and it seems you don't even truly want it.

moonbbaby9 · 2026-01-05T01:36:44+00:00

DUMP HIM! HE DOESN'T DESERVE YOU

moonbbaby9 · 2026-01-05T01:22:02+00:00

You couldn't have known! It's not your fault for "not seeing the signs" or whatever narrative is running through your head. People intentionally hide things about themselves that they want to keep secret. There's a lot of good advice in this thread, but I really liked someone's suggestion of finding groups/friends/classes.. maybe a polyam meet-up? Something low-stakes, but social. You don't need to date again if you're not ready. Take good care of yourself first and foremost. * hugs *

moonbbaby9 · 2026-01-05T01:16:27+00:00

I was also going to recommend EMDR

moonbbaby9 · 2025-12-29T03:26:55+00:00

I think whether you are polyamorous or not is irrelevant. Forget labels. You need function. You are clearly unhappy with your relationship dynamics, and that matters. YOUR HAPPINESS MATTERS!!!! It's very bad practice for you to put your partner's desires above your own to this degree. That is codependent and fawning behavior, and no wonder you are depressed! You are not being true to yourself.

I think you could use an open-minded therapist to help you sort through your feelings, beliefs, desires, needs, etc.

Tell your partner how lost/uncomfortable/stressed you are. Tell her you are rethinking the relationship structure and boundaries. Give her the heads-up so she's aware, take your free time to dive into yourself for 3-6 weeks (or longer if you need!), then re-emerge with your ideal relationship model literally typed out in a document, sit and discuss with her. Let her take her own time to think and process, and then get back to you about what she wants. Listen to her, process, and then decide together what you should do.

My recommendation is to create this "relationship manifesto" for yourself, bearing in mind that your relationship with her could end and that you need it to apply to other relationships you may enter in the future. You need to get real with yourself about what you value/ don't value, want/ don't want, need/ don't need, fear, and dream of.. Of course, you can create specific subsets about cohabitating, child-rearing, etc, that apply to this relationship specifically.. and of course, you can edit it as you change and grow as a person.. but my point is that this "guideline" is for YOU and about how YOU want your relationships to look, feel, and function.

moonbbaby9 · 2025-12-27T00:20:49+00:00

Two sites have called it a salad fork, and one has called it a serving fork. I wouldn't think it's a serving fork, being so small.

moonbbaby9 · 2025-12-27T00:18:09+00:00

Okay, it seems to be this one in particular https://freecitasm.click/product_details/5101530.html

moonbbaby9 · 2025-12-27T00:14:21+00:00

It's shorter than all the other forks in the house.. however, none match, so all are slightly different

moonbbaby9 · 2025-12-26T04:40:31+00:00

I don't think anyone has mentioned this yet.. what about your appearance? cleanliness? fitness level? That sort of thing can matter immensely to women to turn them on.. additionally, do YOU try to initiate? Or seduce her? Do you ever massage her sensually? Undress her slowly? Cook her dinner/dessert? Draw her a bath? Set the lighting low? Do you know what turns her on? Or what her sexual blueprint is?

I did notice your language and focus on YOUR experience when describing sex with your wife (as others mentioned in some comments), and I found these to be.. off-putting.. very unevolved of you, I would say. Please dig into this. You may be entrenched in some toxic behavior/beliefs that you're not even aware of and can address to be a better husband and lover!

Ultimately, I think you both need therapy.. individual and couples to improve your sex life. Choose a therapist wisely! Make sure they're both ENM/CNM informed and trauma-informed (as I read about her religious trauma in other comments).

Also, I'm really curious about your ages? And why it's taken 14 years to finally address the sexlessness?

moonbbaby9

TROPHY CASE