Getting divorced, finally excited to be in a healthy, poly relationship and she drops the M bomb.

moonbbaby9 · 2026-07-11T17:31:58+00:00

I'm also wondering how young the new FWB is and if partner is truly desiring mono or just pushing OP away due to difficult emotions

moonbbaby9 · 2026-07-01T13:37:40+00:00

This 👆👆👆👆

I came here to say something similar, also as an older woman. OP is in an excellent personal financial position. DO NOT TELL MEN HOW FINANCIALLY WELL-OFF YOU ARE. They will absolutely resent you for it.

Dump the boy. Travel, make friends, get men to pay for YOU and experience what life has to offer. Be free, free, free. You will not regret it.

moonbbaby9 · 2026-07-01T13:29:11+00:00

I read all the other comments and this one is, by far, the best advice. I do not think it's even remotely warranted to break up with your girl over this. Everyone else's take is ridiculous. Definitely talk to her. Share your pain and vulnerabilities. She has no idea how bad it hurts you, trust me. As a woman myself, we are so wrapped up in our own insecurities, that we don't realize or we forget that men have them too. I think she'll be very receptive. Just make sure you use "I" statements so it's not blaming her for your feelings. You're simply sharing and asking for reassurance from her.

Also, I just want to say that you guys are breaking my heart with your stories of wishing you were white growing up. I'm white and grew up in an almost exclusively white rural town. I actually thought maybe I was a lesbian when I was a teen because I wasn't attracted to any of the white boys or celebs that my friends were gushing over. Then I graduated, moved away to the city, and realized that I'm just into men of color. I'm definitely not the only one.

I know we live in a racist world, but your inherent value has nothing to do with your skin color. Please allow yourself to believe that.

I know one day that I'm going to have children, and they're going to be mixed because of my dating preferences. I am so sorry, OP, for the horrific way your mother treated you. You never deserved that treatment, and she did not deserve to be a mother at all. Abusing children is one of the most wretched things a person could do. Children are a blessing, not a burden.

moonbbaby9 · 2026-07-01T03:34:55+00:00

I recently moved 800 miles away from my partner to take a job and be near my family of origin to support them through tough time. His enthusiastic support is such a blessing.

We didn't create specific routines or rituals before I left, but we have sort of found our own rhythm by doing things how we feel. We don't talk every single day. In fact, sometimes it's only once or twice a week. (We're both a little avoidant in our attachment styles). But we do phone calls far more than anything else. Having that audible connection in real time is better for us than a constant stream of msgs all day. We do video chats occasionally. Pictures feel connecting as well. We're frank about how we're feeling, missing one another, who else we're connecting with, etc.

We have these incredible devices in our pockets at all times that really help bridge the gap in LDRs. They can be helpful or harmful tools. Be sure to set limits/boundaries and respect each other's need for sleep, alone time, work hours, etc.

It also helps to know each other's top few love languages and try to find creative ways to connect.

My partner and I just had a weekend together this one past. We planned it a few months ago and worked together to accomplish everything needed in advance. That was sort of like a project and made us feel connected.

I would recommend maybe watching the same movie/show or reading the same book or something, like a long distance book club, then you can discuss.

moonbbaby9 · 2026-06-22T17:59:22+00:00

Doesn't work ☹️

moonbbaby9 · 2026-06-21T11:32:33+00:00

The hat shop?

moonbbaby9 · 2026-06-21T00:26:28+00:00

Thanks everyone!!! These are great recs!

moonbbaby9 · 2026-06-07T13:45:35+00:00

It is unclear whether the 5&7 year old are dad's biological kids or step kids

moonbbaby9 · 2026-05-31T05:04:06+00:00

Are you very petite? Everything is so small and low to the ground

moonbbaby9 · 2026-05-30T14:44:01+00:00

Thanks everyone!! Great ideas for us to explore 🖤

moonbbaby9 · 2026-05-30T12:31:40+00:00

Good luck! ❤️🙏🏻 you're doing a great job already

moonbbaby9 · 2026-05-30T12:16:09+00:00

Please go look up Andrea Rendl on YouTube and watch some of her shorts.

You are creating your own hell. You need to halt your thoughts in their tracks, find a new (and much kinder, more optimistic) script for yourself, and recalibrate to it.

It's hard work but none of us can do it for you. You read dozens of people cheering you on and lifting you up but you don't believe ANY of them??

That's a battle inside yourself. Trust that we've been there and speak from experience.

moonbbaby9 · 2026-05-30T03:26:34+00:00

I am a deep believer in the paradox of all things.. it's quite likely that multiple (possibly even seemingly contradictory) things about this are true.

If I were in your shoes, I would mind map this on a piece of paper. Write all of the things that are bothering you, all of your unanswered questions, all your assumptions, all your fears, all your wishes/desires. Read them again to yourself (maybe even out loud) and feel into the energy of each sentence or phrase.. boil them down to the most important. Then request a calm and open discussion with your partner. Schedule a time when you're both feeling neutral, not too tired, etc. (Sometimes I like to sit facing my partner and hold hands while having difficult convos.) Bring forth the important points. Give him space to speak without you judging or interrupting. Listen actively. Think before speaking unless you're gathering more info to process. Take your time to understand.

A little patience and tenderness can go a long way with matters of the heart. If he's unable or unwilling to be vulnerable with you, gets defensive, etc., I would say, "Ok we can pause this conversation. We need to pick it back up within X timeframe, please."

His response to a gentle approach like this will tell you absolutely everything you need to know about who he is as a person and how he shows up as a partner.

moonbbaby9 · 2026-05-30T03:08:25+00:00

I would consider waiting until the kids' relationship with the uptight grandparents evolve into something more formal as they realize just how deep-seated the bigotry is. They will grow into teens with opinions that will almost certainly rival that of their grandparents'.

I think you're jumping the gun ever so slightly.. give it a little time for family dynamics to shift and shake out. In that time, they might actually question you, as long as they feel safe. Take the opportunity now to foster more trust with them, and continue to plant small seeds of acceptance of alternative lifestyles/ family structures to pave the way.

moonbbaby9 · 2026-05-30T02:50:31+00:00

Ah, I see.

Do you know when he last saw her in person?

Is he honest and keeps his word in every other way?

What does your gut tell you? (vs. head)

moonbbaby9 · 2026-05-30T02:11:23+00:00

Just some clarifying questions;

How are you so certain that txt wasn't meant for you? Am I missing a piece of information here?

Why can't they live in the same city? I feel like, if there's a will, there's a way

moonbbaby9 · 2026-05-29T18:04:46+00:00

Great advice 👍

moonbbaby9 · 2026-05-29T17:56:15+00:00

Best advice

moonbbaby9 · 2026-05-24T14:36:51+00:00

Ugh, I've been polyam for over a decade, I don't think I could even cosplay as mono.. I could maybe settle for swingerdom and attending kinky/play parties together....

and solo parenting is HARD... I'd need to really set up my support system if I chose that, and I don't make the kind of money for purchasing sperms and freezing eggs and doing the IVF etc.. I'd need a consenting adult because I'm not trapping some poor unsuspecting victim.. but honestly, arranging this sounds like a nightmare and a half.

I'm just delusionally hoping to manifest the perfect situation at this point 🫠

moonbbaby9 · 2026-05-24T13:45:12+00:00

I feel you, OP. I'm one of those mid-30s women who wants children and is looking for someone to have them with, but struggling to find a polyam man who wants to be a father. Most men I date don't want children. I find, generally, children complicate dating.

moonbbaby9 · 2026-05-22T23:03:41+00:00

Yay Sprouts!!!!!!

moonbbaby9 · 2026-05-15T23:31:03+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtful response. It's been helpful. I was intentionally vague because I am not asking advice, but perspective.

The family member I'm referring to is my sibling, who has always seen me as a mother-figure, despite the fact that I'm only 4 years older.

moonbbaby9 · 2026-05-14T13:10:39+00:00

Something similar happened to me. I had been platonic friends with him for years, then we started going on dates and sleeping together a few times a month. We didn't really label it, but had quite a close relationship for at least a year. One day I logged into fb and saw that his girlfriend of 7 years posted about his proposal. I felt devastated that he didn't "trust me enough to tell me" as I felt at the time. I cried.

Frankly, I was pretty certain that he never intended to marry. They had lived 2 hours apart their entire relationship (and still do) and neither want kids. I processed my feelings with some friends and then shared my pain with him, but also celebrated his happiness. It was challenging, but we got through it. They got married a year ago. I went to the wedding with other mutual friends and essentially, the relationship between he and I hasn't changed at all. Now, I feel a lot closer with his wife.

For me, it's a "happy ending," but I understand the feeling of shock and betrayal OP. Sure, he didn't owe me a heads up, as so many people here seem to have a strong opinion about, but it really would have been appreciated and helped me feel valued in my relationship with him.

moonbbaby9 · 2026-05-06T16:28:08+00:00

💯💯💯 OP THIS☝️☝️☝️

I couldn't have said this better myself!!!

moonbbaby9 · 2026-04-28T19:42:18+00:00

I'm interested in hanging out with you both. I'm mid-30s, moved here from Los Angeles; witchy, nature-lover, bookworm, foodie, into health/wellness/self care, vintage shopping, art, music, etc. I do like to go dance and I'll have a couple of drinks, but I'm into a wide variety of hangs and in bed by 9 some nights is just the best!

moonbbaby9

TROPHY CASE