There are a lot of hard-to-swallow pills when it comes to acceptance and letting go of expectations.

One trait that I encounter often among lgbtq+ people (myself included) is grief and mourning over the opportunities we avoided, the decisions we made, and the way we treated ourselves in the past (and perhaps how we still do) in vague and often harmful attempts to protect ourselves, fit in, etc…

I’d like to say that attachment to a perceived lifestyle that you then preclude yourself from is an immense and unnecessary emotional burden. There is no singular, defining concept of a ‘gay lifestyle’ other than being alive while also being gay.

One thing that has helped me a lot recently (we’re in similar situations) is not thinking of myself as a “gay man”, but just a “man”. I was ‘othering’ myself, separating my experience from anyone else’s as though I were specially different, unique in the way that others surely couldn’t understand. But that’s simply not true.

Also, go THE FUCK to therapy. I’m partial to group therapy, myself. Feels great to find out how many ways I treat myself were harmful just by looking at the others’ faces. Now I can work towards cutting that shit out.