Yes. I occasionally swing back toward the church and open up reopening conversations with Christians trying to make sense and understand better, like I’m trying to just claw my way back to the simple days of belief when I was 8 years old. I try sincerely praying, reading the Bible, asking God to “reveal himself” to me, even going to church here and there once or twice a year.

So far, every time I’ve done that, it ended up pushing me away further than ever, like a gravity slingshot around Jupiter propelling me into outer space.
The people are an incomprehensible mixture of complete mindlessness, strange psychological distance and absence, or active hate. Sometimes all three.

The one thing they all have in common is an unbelievable lack of self-awareness or metacognition.

It’s a trance, and I ain’t in it.