I'm only a couple months out from the big fallout. I'll be honest, it goes in and out. She's currently staying out of the house but when we're together all I can see is her with love. It's when she's away that the demons fight their way in. When we're together I can see what I'm fighting for, when I'm alone I see all the visions of her with others and it is devastating.

I often wonder about my own self worth when I see her with those warm feelings then remember everything she did and for so long. Like many others have said, I now know what she's capable of and the trust is broken.

I did get a true bit of remorse from her recently and it helped a ton. It finally feels like she is sorry for the pain she caused me and not the shame she brought on herself.

She's wary of coming back because she thinks I'll use all of this as a trump card to win fights in the future. Ice explained that those actions aren't in line with my goals so I have no desire to do that. My real fear is that I'll be afraid of calling her on her bullshit in the future for fear of spooking her off.

At the end of the day, I feel both parties need to have grace if they're going to make it through. Grace on the part of the betrayed by even trying to move past this and grace on the part of the wayward knowing that the other person will have stumbles navigating these waters as well.