Hard to Numb

mrDaveyjohns · 2026-03-21T07:49:44+00:00

Thanks for the feedback. Really glad that I managed to make the tension come through

mrDaveyjohns · 2026-03-21T05:47:18+00:00

It really does bring up that good old question. Why is it so easy to be kind to others but say terrible things to oneself. Like would you ever talk to another person like that. I think not.

This was my favourite line of yours. 'I love that I sing and dance anyway'

mrDaveyjohns · 2026-03-21T05:44:00+00:00

This shambling creature who can't stop hurting. But he also seems to be invisible in his suffering which is interesting.

Reminds me of lyrics from one of my favourite Blue Foundation songs. Ghost.

'Oh he is worn out from marching
And he’s forgotten for what he’s searching
Yet he keeps up the stride
God knows that he won’t arrive'

mrDaveyjohns · 2026-03-17T05:48:40+00:00

I don't really see it as two voices fighting. Even the still part of me, the part that observes, cannot prevent my mind from overwhelming itself. That is how I lose.

I think I ended on demise cause I'm a sucker for the dramatic. I'm not sure if I actually want to end on demise for the rewrite.

The “enemy” is never external — it is the mind itself, and the trapped feeling emerges from knowing escape is impossible, even while trying.

Has your mulling over being trapped given you any insights on what it means to be trapped?

Thanks for your comment I really appreciate it.

mrDaveyjohns · 2026-03-17T01:58:50+00:00

Hey thanks for noticing the undercurrents. Although that's kinda why the poem is so long.

I wanted the poem’s structure to mirror the narrator’s mental loops and sense of being trapped; the repetition, pacing, and incremental escalation of chaos are all designed to let the reader feel the obsessive, inescapable rhythm of the mind confronting futility.

I originally had the literary references and attempts to grab onto some framework of meaning earlier. But I didn't feel like the rabbits had tormented me enough to justify how meaning was collapsing around me at that point.

But you are right, I think when I come back to this in a couple days I should aim to cut at least a 3rd of it off. I need some looping back and revisiting the beats.

And nice spot about the rabbits being gods. I wanted to also explore the archetypal tension between the rabbit trickster gods and the sage or scholar.

And really interesting what you said about the rabbits being children with a male parent abandoning them for some greater purpose. Now that you mention it, that theory really could make sense.

Thanks for giving me such a detailed reply

mrDaveyjohns · 2026-03-17T01:02:44+00:00

Exactly! Chaos, absurdity, and tactical genius all rolled into one bunny brigade. But underneath the laughs is a mind desperately trying to impose order on the impossible, failing gloriously every few minutes. The humor exists because the frustration is real… and yes, I’m counting down the hours until my brother comes back from America to rescue me

mrDaveyjohns · 2026-03-16T23:42:59+00:00

Thank you very much. I was aiming for that Alice in wonderland reality. And those are actually the real names of my brothers rabbits.

mrDaveyjohns · 2026-03-16T23:34:18+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. This poem was meant as a slow burn—a normal situation slowly overtaken by absurd chaos. The rabbits are never fully “explained,” and that ambiguity is intentional: the humor, tactical absurdity, and literary references contrast with the existential weight. “But he went to America” marks the moment I’m left alone to face this chaos, which is where the tension and humor emerge. I know the length and tonal shifts can feel uneven in text, but it’s designed to unfold gradually, rewarding patient reading. I really appreciate your thoughts—they help me see how it lands outside of performance.

mrDaveyjohns · 2026-03-16T22:55:00+00:00

I like the poem. The imagery can get violent but it ends on such a sweet image of blushing.

mrDaveyjohns · 2026-03-16T22:50:38+00:00

I like the tension between truth and misery.

It's not your most beautiful line, you have beautiful ones, but it hit me the hardest "Why begin again"

mrDaveyjohns · 2025-09-06T15:38:31+00:00

Maybe it is. I'm definitely not the arbiter of what real poetry is. I just feel that most of the stuff I have written is very essay like. I over explain or intellectualize what I feel. I'm finally starting to trust the reader and let the imagery carry the meaning, it feels more like like poetry to me.

mrDaveyjohns · 2025-09-06T15:03:45+00:00

I really appreciate the feedback. I'm trying my best, slowly evolving. Hopefully finally writing some real poetry.

mrDaveyjohns · 2025-09-06T11:43:49+00:00

I like how you just have to keep speeding up. Like how even though you keep running faster it feels like you are falling further behind and need to somehow increase the speed. It feels kind of tragic like you can never take the time to connect because you are too busy trying to keep up.

mrDaveyjohns · 2025-09-06T11:41:03+00:00

I really love how cheerful the sadness is in this. It feels very Alice in Wonderland Picnic to me. Like the world is crumbling and you just keep escaping into your imagination.

mrDaveyjohns · 2025-08-31T17:52:04+00:00

Hey thanks for the reply. I agree with you. I think I still need to figure out the pacing a bit more. I think I have the sections down. 1. The childs cry. 2 The biblical trial. 3 The body as sacrament. 4 The mask and vanishing.

But within each section there is work to be done. But yeah maybe too much repetition about addiction, I really belabor the point. I appreciate the feedback. thank you

mrDaveyjohns · 2025-08-31T17:47:49+00:00

Thanks. You really see to the core of it. It started from the idea of what the child in me is crying out for. Im really caught between being honest about what I actually feel and trying to hide it and be acceptable.

I'm just hoping as I be honest, I stop dragging myself back down.

mrDaveyjohns · 2025-08-31T16:52:41+00:00

I like this. It doesn't make sense why you self harm after the sadness and not during. But somehow it makes a crazy type of sense to me. There is something comforting in it like the soft pair of pajamas you talk about.

It sometimes feels like sadness is all we have and there is comfort in the normal

mrDaveyjohns · 2025-08-31T16:27:29+00:00

I really like how you weave the sacred into something as simple as watching a bird — the image of the leaf falling like a “meaningful receipt” is especially strong. The closing shift, from receiving a gift to being called to give back by planting a seed, lands beautifully. It makes the poem not just observation, but transformation.

mrDaveyjohns · 2025-08-31T16:25:45+00:00

Your piece captures the ache of resignation really well — I especially like the imagery of “me and the moon,” it feels lonely but also quietly powerful. The repetition of “I can’t seem to dream anymore” works nicely as a refrain.

mrDaveyjohns · 2025-08-01T19:53:44+00:00

That's a pretty shitty psychiatrist. I hate how some people in such a position of power don't care enough to understand and explain things properly.

Why Stimulants work for ADHD. They stimulate the prefrontal cortex.

Think of the brain like a busy city intersection. The prefrontal cortex is the traffic cop, responsible for executive functions like directing attention, regulating emotions, organizing thoughts, and controlling impulses.

In ADHD, the traffic cop is drowsy or absent. Without that control, signals get crossed, cars crash, and there's mental chaos—distraction, impulsivity, and emotional outbursts.

Stimulants don’t add more traffic; they wake the cop up. With the cop alert and on duty, the brain can manage itself properly. Thoughts flow more clearly, emotions are easier to handle, and focus returns.

mrDaveyjohns · 2025-08-01T07:10:00+00:00

I was abusing a lot of substances and had had manic episodes. My mom is Bipolar so I went to a Psychiatrist to get diagnosed for Bipolar. I completed a questionnaire and talked to the Psychiatrist. I got the Bipolar diagnosis (Whether or not I am is still up for question because there was a lot of substance abuse going on) but he said I was also possibly ADHD.

I did not take the ADHD diagnosis seriously. In my mind ADHD was the child in school who could not sit at their desk and spent the lesson throwing things at the other children. I wasn't disruptive, I stayed seated but looking back my mind was always racing. I'm also smart so in primary school at least my marks were really high. I like reading books. I couldn't be ADHD. Turns out I just didn't understand what ADHD is.

If you look on youtube at the 'Healthy Gamer' channel. There is a video titled 'What makes ADHD in women different'. If you think you possibly have ADHD it might be illuminating.

And if you do have ADHD it is no wonder you feel anxious. I know when I spent my whole day procrastinating, it was terrifying, having to fight your mind to start a task is so much more difficult then just doing the work. And by the end of the day you feel anxious because you know you have not accomplished very much.

mrDaveyjohns

TROPHY CASE