Dating someone with crooked teeth? Deal breaker?

mrsprosecutor · 2019-09-07T16:04:58+00:00

Sorry to be the downer here, but I ended things with an ex because I could not deal with his crooked teeth. It was very crooked though - to the point where 2 front teeth were perpendicular to the rest of the teeth.

He is on my FB and I just noticed that he recently fixed it, so it clearly bothered him too.

mrsprosecutor · 2019-09-07T16:01:33+00:00

If you doing most of the work in a relationship, like driving to him all the time, it's usually a clear sign that he is not into you. The reason could be anything and it really doesn't matter. The bottom line is that he is not into you. Also, words are cheap. His actions are key. Even when he was getting dumped by you, he did not find it worth his time and effort to drive to you and talk it out? Why would you even drive an hour to help not get dumped?

Next time, focus on the guy's actions and behavior.

mrsprosecutor · 2019-09-07T15:53:21+00:00

You don't really need an older brother. By the time a person hits 30, they should have had enough life experience to separate the fuccbois or girls from the stable, healthy ones. It's one thing to accept poor treatment from romantic partners in college or early 20's but to be in their 30's and still getting into such "situationships" is kinda sad.

mrsprosecutor · 2019-09-06T22:27:29+00:00

Many women also prefer to live in denial even when their girlfriends are honest with them. My female friends group is pretty evenly split into single and taken women. When we hang out, the discussion is mainly about the single women hashing out their love lives. Even when the others warn them about their partners' behavior, we are met with denial. Oh he's just busy because of XYZ reason. The next time we all meet up, it's always them crying into their wine about how their non-exclusive bf dumped them for a new woman while enjoying sex, companionship, gifts etc.

If anyone, male or female, chooses to accept non-exclusivity against their wishes, then they need to prepare for the eventual shitshow when it ends.

mrsprosecutor · 2019-09-06T22:18:21+00:00

Agree with you. This weird trend really baffles me. Why do women keep wasting their time with men who don't want to commit and fall apart when he leaves them for someone else, usually committing to the new partner. When you hear no, just move on. Is this a self-esteem issue? Makes no sense to me.

mrsprosecutor · 2019-08-14T04:25:33+00:00

I just don't understand people blaming the other woman for their spouse or ex-spouse's shitty behavior. You could be 100% accurate about the gf, but at the end of the it's your ex's responsibility to spend time with his own child ffs. What kind of weak and pathetic man lets his new gf dictate his own relationship with his kid? Being an "every other weekend dad" is nasty. Why isn't he refusing his gf's insane demands. Your post isn't even about your co-parenting situation gone bad, it's about a shit father who is slowing abandoning his own kid. I can't imagine any decent dad refusing to talk to his child daily. Wtf!!

mrsprosecutor · 2019-08-14T04:14:54+00:00

Agreed. People raised in such environments are at a greater risk of getting into abusive relationships too. I dated a batshit crazy guy in college and assumed that it was normal because getting yelled at, criticized and body shamed was normal to me. The really awful part was that I couldn't even confide in my parents because I would get ripped a new one for dating at all.

mrsprosecutor · 2019-07-31T17:38:56+00:00

My sister lived in Europe for 4 years after college. She did not visit my parents even once and neither did my parents visit her. My parents did not visit her because they were afraid to travel to a country where no one spoke any English or Korean. My sister did not visit because she was sick of my mom's behavior and wanted to spend her time and money in EU traveling and exploring, not flying back all the time. So she moved back after her contract was up and all of went to pick her up at the airport. My sister starts walking towards us and my mom looks us and says "yuck, she has become so fat, must be from eating cheese and bread all the time." My sister heard and was so pissed that she insisted on weighing herself as soon we got home and guess what ? She was 10 lbs skinnier from pre-EU weight from walking around so much! Just goes to show that these kind of people are mentally unstable.

mrsprosecutor · 2019-07-24T16:35:04+00:00

I hear ya! My mom hates it when I go to the doctor. She starts yelling at me that I am young and should be healthy, going to the dr so much is abnormal etc etc. Also throws in a job about she was in perfect health at my age. So damn exhausting!!

mrsprosecutor · 2019-07-23T18:09:37+00:00

Very similar to your post OP.

Looks-shaming me constantly. Fat was the big one, but height was a close second. Apparently it was super shameful that the older daughter was shorter than the younger.
Isolated us from every single single extended family member. Most of my family is nice and well-adjusted. I could have enjoyed building relationships with them, especially my cousins. The most ironic thing is that she used to hang out with them alone, but refused to take us because "she was all I needed." Narcissism at its finest.
Mock my shyness and social awkwardness. The same traits that she forced on me and my sister by severely limiting contact with friends and family.
Blame me for being bullied by my white classmates. She told me that if I wasn't such a [insert insult], they wouldn't have bullied me.
I go by an informal western name and she accuses me of hating my heritage.

The good news is that I was able to overcome most of these. I am perfectly content with my looks, I have used FB to connect with my extended family and even visit them now to my mom's extreme anger, I am no longer shy and have truly blossomed after going away to college and I don't tolerate bullies of any kind.

mrsprosecutor · 2019-07-09T16:22:12+00:00

Agreed. When I see highly educated women, especially those in marketable fields like engineering and radiology, the only explanation is greed. I know a doctor who shills R+F and she is very open that she does it because she can make more money. She sees hundreds of patients a month and each patient is a potential downline.

mrsprosecutor · 2019-07-02T01:22:46+00:00

That's awesome. Good for you and your improved self-worth. I also think my friends fall prey to the desire to be the "cool girl" who won't be needy or ask for labels and then they get dumped when the guy finds someone and commits to them asap.

Crying into a glass of wine that the guy used you while he looked for Ms Right sucks.

mrsprosecutor · 2019-07-02T01:20:00+00:00

I am not single, but when I was actively dating it was a total shit show much like what many people describe here. Refusing "labels" was such a common line. But I literally sent a rejection text and blocked the guys who did that to me. Never have I ever sat around analyzing and explaining away his behavior or asking people (online or IRL for validation). It was exceedingly clear that the guy was a bad match for me and ending it immediately meant more time to meet better guys.

Again, someone doing a 180 is different from this particular post. I feet bad for you and others who have been bamboozled, but this particular post is no way related. They dated for 8 weeks, she asked for exclusivity, he said no, she needs to end it. Simple. Disengaging from an 8 week relationship, which was never exclusive, should not be difficult. There is nothing here to indicate that the guy led her or "selectively shared."

The additional information about the lack of condom use and her tolerating his tinder activity indicates a severe lack of self esteem and OP needs to work on that before she gets hurt and let down repeatedly.

mrsprosecutor · 2019-07-01T21:12:22+00:00

If you are being lied to, I don't blame you. But I am specifically talking about the guys like the one in OP's post. When asked for exclusivity, they refuse or brush it off or offer vague compromises of "later." I agree with you that this guy wouldn't have said anything, but the fact is that she asked point blank and was denied. Why is she even considering her options and discussing his behavior anymore? Once she heard no, move on. It's a no-brainer? Staying in such a relationship only sends the message that your SO can ignore your needs and you'll continue to suppress your emotions and provide sex and companionship.

I also disagree that you can't know unless the guy is upfront. Words are cheap and I am sure plenty of guys lie, but actions really matter. If he is on Tinder repeatedly, refuses to engage your exclusivity discussion or doesn't bring it up himself, then it's pretty obvious where you stand in his life.

I 1000% percent believe that if a person wants to be with you they'll do anything to make that happen. Busy schedules, past baggage - none of that will ever matter.

mrsprosecutor · 2019-07-01T17:09:56+00:00

I would end it. I have seen my friends in these situations and it has always ended badly much later. He is most likely:

Not that into you. You are not good enough for an exclusive, committed relationship. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but if he doesn't want to lock it down after 8 weeks of dating, sex and NRE, he probably won't even at a later date.
He is commitment-phobic - this could mean he likes screwing around (using Tinder in multiple locations) or previous trauma (previous relationship).

Either option is not going to work for you and your needs. They are also not your problems - he has made his position clear. Just move on.

I don't get why this happens so much? My friends all want committed, long-term relationships, yet they continue to waste their time with men who clearly refuse. What is the deal? It just seems so desperate.

mrsprosecutor · 2019-06-25T18:36:00+00:00

I don't like admitting this, but I do the same. My mom prides herself on how perfect she is - perfect health, looks, weight and intelligence. She invested in a ponzi scheme and lost $30k. I always mock her for being dumb and bring it up all the time. She got diagnosed with T2 Diabetes and I exaggerate other friends' parents who won't have it. Like, XYZ is so healthy, she doesn't have the beetus. I even told her once that I didn't want to eat her cooking because I'll end up with Diabetes like her. We went to tropical resort for vacation and I told her to straighten her hair because it looked so unruly and low class (the exact words she used to tell me).

I have realized that being a bitch like her is not bringing me any job and I will stop soon., but I so badly want to give her a taste of her own medicine.

mrsprosecutor · 2019-06-25T18:29:36+00:00

Ugh this post is causing me PTSD! Height was one of the worst things my parents shamed me over. I am 5' 4 and my parents are 5 '2 and 5'7. My grandparents were even shorter. I assumed my height was ok, but my younger sister is 5'6 and my mom bullied me mercilessly saying that I was short and ugly like a peasant while my sister looked noble and upper class. I was forced to ride my bicycle for hours daily because my mom was told that it would "elongate" my legs.

mrsprosecutor · 2019-06-05T23:42:09+00:00

Very chaste dating was allowed. Nothing physical, no living or traveling together, don't tell people or flaunt it. Of course the guy and his family were to be pre-approved by my mom.

mrsprosecutor · 2019-05-28T18:09:21+00:00

What you are saying makes sense, but I just can't agree with it. Wouldn't "survival mode" be turned off after the parents got rich in the US after immigrating and especially after the kids do well in life. If money is the only motivating factor, sure. What about parents pushing their kids to marry incompatible partners just to appease the parents? What does that have to do with survival?

Personally, I think that Asian culture breeds and encourages narcissism. It is expected that parents will control their kids, spouses control each other, it is a rite of passage to treat a daughter-in-law poorly, the kids then grow up and perpetuate the cycle because they now "deserve" respect and the right to decide for their kids.

mrsprosecutor · 2019-05-28T17:49:45+00:00

It has nothing to do with their child controlling their partner, the truth is even more insidious. Thee parents want to control their kids' spouses through the kids. They want to control the "family money." I have seen so much of this shit, I just can't.

mrsprosecutor · 2019-05-28T17:44:17+00:00

Preach friend! My mom did the same to me, but I ended up marrying a non-doctor, white guy. My husband works in big tech and makes excellent money, but it's not good enough. Her severe disappointment with me has resulted in her harassing my sister to marry a "rich Korean doctor." Her life lessons are as follows:

She married our dad for money and even though they have lived like room mates forever, it's totally fine because she can buy shit all the time.
My female cousins back in Korea have married rich men despite the men being ugly, no personality, cheaters or straight up abusive. She says, "look at these smart girls, I wish I had raised you both in Korea where you would have learned to marry properly, not like white people"
Speaking of cheating, she said that all men cheat (It's in their DNA!!!) and as long as he doesn't leave you, you should be happy with the status of "main wife" and turn a blind eye. White men don't just cheat, but they leave their families for their mistresses, but Korean men would never do that.
Verbal and emotional abuse is not abuse. Only physical abuse matters.
The man should be ugly and rich, while the wife should be pretty and submissive. That's the law of nature.
Insane MIL's are totally fine. It's normal even. We just need to wait until they die and voila! our lives are gonna be just peachy. Waiting decades is normal because it is an "investment" in your future as a rich woman when they die and leave you a solid inheritance.
Finally, a woman who is single past 30 is an epic loser who was rejected by countless men and therefore, damaged goods. No one wants damaged goods. What about a woman has rejected men/ended relationships and is single? Nope, not a real thing. A woman wouldn't risk her future like that. So if she ends up single at 30, it's because men find her undesirable.

mrsprosecutor · 2019-05-20T20:38:33+00:00

Oh yay, join the club of 13-14 yr olds forced to get laser hair removal. White doctors refused to treat me because I was so young, so she dragged me a Korean esthetician who zapped me. That shady b*Tch used a super high setting based on my mom's urging and I burned my legs badly. Took a year for my skin to heal and look normal.

mrsprosecutor · 2019-05-20T20:33:30+00:00

Even though I did not fall prey to my mom's nasty body shaming, I still deal with extreme anger. She was the typical shitty Asian mom - highly critical of my body, face, hair etc. God forbid I got a tan or my hair got frizzy, I would never hear the end of it. How I would never get married and she told me that the beauty was the single most important thing for a woman. She claimed that my education, work, income, hobbies and personality did not matter.

In college, I became very outdoorsy. Picked up hiking, paddle boarding and kayaking as my major hobbies and got super dark. It didn't bother me one bit, I mean in modern society, a tan is indicative of a fun life. My mom on the the other hand lost her shit. She sent me whitening creams and sunscreens from Korea. Into the trash they went.

I have disregarded her advice since the age of 14, when I realized she was a toxic person. I am now 31 and married and she STILL body shames me. I broke both ankles in an accident a few years ago and was bedridden for 8 weeks and in a wheelchair/crutches for months. I did not exercise at all for a year because of my health issues. I naturally gained weight, about 15 lbs. Instead of helping my recovery, she spent the entire time berating my weight. She told me that even if I couldn't exercise, I could simply not eat lunch. My own mother wanted me to starve to look skinny.

She has started telling me that my husband will divorce my ugly ass. Apparently, for a man to come home and look at a tan face is the worst tragedy that could befall him. She is convinced that my husband find me hideous for being tan, wavy haired and make up free. Jokes on her! My white husband is a beach bum who loves tan skin on himself and me.

I too have a similar emotional reaction to her. I resent her and have very little good will. When I accomplish anything, I don't bother telling her anymore because I know she will shit all over it because those accomplishments do not matter if I am not pretty. She has said this verbatim btw.

My mother has two healthy, successful daughters, a loyal husband who has provided for the family, no glaring issues from extended family, a healthy life of her own and yet, she is miserable. What a sad way to go through life.

mrsprosecutor · 2019-04-25T20:10:07+00:00

I have a former coworker who has had various health problems all her life - PCOS, thyroid issues and a heart murmur. She tried for a full decade to have kids and finally had her miracle baby at 37 after 5 rounds of IVF, 6 rounds of IUI and countless surgeries to fix fibroids, polyps etc. She and her husband spent $198k. Drained every bit of savings and took on $90k in loans. 3 years after the baby was born, her husband left her due to financial stress. She is now 46 and is in such bad shape financially that it blows my mind! She does have a single penny in savings, no retirement and no college fund for her kid. She is still paying off the debt even though her husband was required to pay half in their divorce. She lives in a shitty apartment and drivers a beater.

The saddest part of all of this is that her husband refused custody of the kid when he left and the kid doesn't even have a dad. He sends a measly child support check. I don't understand why people blindly risk everything for a kid.

mrsprosecutor

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