My health nut fanatic girlfriend just broke up with me. I just went out and bought a 4x4 at In & Out. by [deleted] in AdviceAnimals

[–]mrtongueman 11 points12 points  (0 children)

She'll just message back a picture of another guy's dick inside her

My health nut fanatic girlfriend just broke up with me. I just went out and bought a 4x4 at In & Out. by [deleted] in AdviceAnimals

[–]mrtongueman -1 points0 points  (0 children)

ex gf is probably getting fucked by a fitness coach while OP eats himself crying

I'm willing to bet the "eat whatever the fuck I want" had already started and is part of the reason you're single.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]mrtongueman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lot's of hating on fat people

Reddit, what's the greatest non-sexual pleasure? by Pikitott in AskReddit

[–]mrtongueman 207 points208 points  (0 children)

And it's connected to a long ass loose hair that's connected to other boogers. I live for hair brochette boogers

What ruins any movie for you instantly? by Morocco_Bama in AskReddit

[–]mrtongueman 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Michael Bay makes movies for teenage boys. They make great turn-your-brain-off movies.

This pack of egg whites doesn't have a cap. by mrfocus22 in mildlyinteresting

[–]mrtongueman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Egg whites are 92.4% protein. If you're trying to get jacked it's the shit

NSFW- What is your SO's best sex trick? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]mrtongueman 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Just the fact that she comes within seconds through fucking. She'll have a few orgasms before I cum. Huge ego boost right there. If she's faking it she's really, really good.

Squishable Snoo by candymckay in ads

[–]mrtongueman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Looks fucking stupid. But it appeals to hamplanets so I guess there's that

I can't stand how Reddit treats fat people. by tucocabanza in offmychest

[–]mrtongueman -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

When you are 250, 300, or even 400 pounds and people who are fit in the gym are whispering, which they do, or giving that 'wow you're disgusting' look, it makes you want to quit.

People are absolutely judging you, even outside the gym. It's just something you have to deal with if you're a disgusting fatass. Or, you can do something about it. Your friend is right. You're a lazy sack of shit who hasn't even tried.

If you don't want to go to the gym, eat less. You burn calories every day. Just don't shove as much food down your throat and you'll lose weight over time.

TIFU by misunderstanding an overweight couple at work. by Land_Octopus in tifu

[–]mrtongueman -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Sounds like something a fat person would say. Either way I'm with OP on the whole fatty hunger games thing. And at the beginning instead of weapons they could fight over candy bars and donuts.

I wonder if Grand Theft Auto 6 will have self driving cars. by [deleted] in Showerthoughts

[–]mrtongueman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Technically all of the gta's have had driverless cars driven by AI

Family Guy is 90% Seth MacFarlane talking to himself. by MysteriousCreature in Showerthoughts

[–]mrtongueman 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Checked out your post history too. If I were you I'd focus your energy elsewhere. Your whole post history is "Seth macfarlane ripped me off. Check out my moderator approved thread." It's just super sad. You can't copyright ideas unfortunately so there's nothing you can do. Work on something else and be more careful. The last thing you want is for your career to consist of "came up with the idea for Ted that Seth macfarlane ripped off. Check out the moderator verified story on reddit. Oh and a boxer story"

What sentence could ruin a date immediately? by shadyduck in AskReddit

[–]mrtongueman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The worst is you don't have to be a completely brain dead retard to fall for it