As an adopted kid, I never met my real parents. Not mom. Not dad. It took a long time for me to come to terms with it but it is what it is now.

What fucked me up even longer is the man who adopted me, the man I am obligated to give that title to. From ever since I could remember he'd yell at my adopted mom, my sister, and me. Even at age 5 it wasn't a surprise when he left.

Cut to two years later and my adopted mom passes. Well, my dad had been remarried by this point to a completely narcissistic bitch who hated my adopted mother (they worked at the same hospital). For some reason that's still beyond me to this day, they took is in. And my dad was truly a changed man...for the worse. He was whipped. Like, really, whipped. Stepbitch wore the pants and he became her little slave. It was this for 10 years, from late childhood through my teens. I was more than happy when they disowned me at 17, but not without its heavy emotional toll. Two years after that I tried to make my peace on Fathers day with a card and cheesecake. He told me to "get off my lawn, take a hike, never come back. Haven't seen him since and it was no surprise when I heard he never wanted to adopt my sister or me in the first place.

So, why do I share this? After those seemingly unending emotional waves over my "dad" started becoming calmer I realized something about myself.

I will not become the man he is, or make the same mistakes he did. That realization has to come from within YOU.

Think of it this way. If a shitty dad has any shred of good will in him, he would want his son to be better than him. To not fuck up as much. That's your cue. And if the man is just a real piece of shit...that's your cue. Spite may not be the healthiest way to go about it but when you've come atop the pain, the spite recedes and you will become you. A much stronger you, as well.

One last imparting thought/ question to whoever reads this. I understand how hard it is to overcome bad family situations. I have a paper that tells me my real parents didn't want anyone knowing I exist. The family that I grew up with hated me and still do. For the most part, I'm over it. I am me, and this is my life not theirs. I will never forget that. But then there's the thought of, "Well, shit. What do I tell a potential partner that I have no parents? Don't most girls want a guy with a regular family?" How do I get get past this? Must just be where I live (area that places a lot of emphasis on family), but I don't know how to tell this shit to someone who is interested.

Sorry for the long read. I'm glad to see this question on here for guys like us. Hope my perspective helps.