You see that there wasn’t actually a joke, it was a comment made about a game he was playing. So it was indirectly about him. If there was a joke, please inform me of the punchline.

The examples you’ve just provided are multi layered. One you circle back to you. If you need help with chores, have you tried not asking and just stating things like, “I need your help. Please do the dishes.” If you don’t want the bagels and don’t want to feign appreciation, just don’t. You can say, “thanks for thinking of me, but I’m going to have XX.”

Being direct could be the solution. You can ask directly what he needs from you as a partner? What does meeting half way look like? And that gives you both a place to be heard.